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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28068924">Aid</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idnek83/pseuds/Idnek83'>Idnek83</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Aid [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Depending on who you ask, Fluff and Smut, Friends With Benefits, Getting Together, Grinding, Gundham was just trying to help, Hand Jobs, I'm imagining hopes peak as uni instead of a high school in this, Internalized Homophobia, Island Mode (Dangan Ronpa), M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, No Spoilers, Semi-Public Sex, Soda is bi and everyone is hot, Wet Dream, and then he did but in a different way oops</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:15:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>42,564</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28068924</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idnek83/pseuds/Idnek83</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Soda picked the worst time to have a bi awakening.</p><p>Everyone is hot and half naked because of their beach vacation.<br/>Soda is horny and tries to do something about it.<br/>Gundham tries to help and does.<br/>It all gets a little out of hand.</p><p>  <a href="https://ficbook.net/readfic/10257764/26394106">Russian translation by Укроп Борис</a></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Soda Kazuichi/Tanaka Gundham</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Aid [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2303174</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>490</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>760</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Soda is bi in this and refers to himself as ‘half-homo’ at the beginning. Obviously, that’s not what being bi is, but it felt like something he would say, after no-homoing his way through life for so long, so just wanted to get that out of the way.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Soda picked the worst time to have a bi awakening.</p><p>Just a week before the class trip, he finally managed to admit it to himself: girls are hot, but dudes are also <em>so fucking hot. </em>At first it was such a god damn relief to admit. No more lying to himself and coming up with excuses every time he got a little hot and bothered about a guy, just full on acceptance of his half-homo self.</p><p>But now Soda couldn’t help but wish he had waited just a little longer to accept the inherent hotness of dudes, cus it was just making seeing all his classmates half naked and soaking wet twice as hard… surely it all would have been easier if he was still deep in the closet, right?</p><p>
  <em>Wet, hard… deep… </em>
</p><p>Jesus, he needed to get a hold of himself in a strictly metaphorical way.</p><p>He looked out to where some of his classmates were playing chicken; Nagito sat on Akane’s shoulders while Hajime sat on Nekomaru’s. Nekomaru must have been crouching below the water for Hajime and Nagito to be on the same level as they wrestled, the thought of which, unfortunately, filled Soda’s head with thoughts of Nekomaru’s thick, powerful thighs and all the wonderful things they would be good for-</p><p>Nope, not the guy who talks about shitting all day. He was <em>not</em> allowed to think a guy who talked about shitting so much was hot.</p><p>Soda shook his head and refocused on the game, he was legitimately curious who would win, since Hajime and Nagito seemed to be pretty evenly matched when it came to strength. The boys were grasping each other’s hands, trying furiously to knock the other into the water, but they seemed to be at a stalemate. Akane stepped closer to Nekomaru in the water to try to give Nagito better leverage, and at the same time Nagito released one of Hajime’s hands, causing him to fall forward into Nagito’s chest. Not one to quit, Hajime wrapped his newly freed arm around Nagito’s waist to keep himself from falling. The two boys continued to struggle furiously, bodies pressed together, grunting with effort and-</p><p>Soda decided it was time to leave the beach.</p><p>He needed to get away from the frankly obscene image of his friends playing in the ocean, before even his baggy jumpsuit couldn’t entirely conceal just how hard of a time he was having.</p><p>He walked over to the nearby diner, hoping it would be empty so he could clear his head and calm down. Even if there were people there, at least they would be fully clothed.</p><p>As he approached, he heard a high-pitched scream followed by a crashing noise from within. Was someone hurt? Overactive hormones forgotten, Soda rushed through the door to see what had happened-</p><p>Only to be greeted with a clear view of Mikan's panties as she lay ass up on top of Mahiru, apologizing profusely, but not actually making any effort to stand. As it were, Mikan's chest was pressed firmly against Mahiru’s, whose face had gone nearly as red as her hair. Mahiru’s legs were spread, and had it not been for Mikan’s thigh being pressed between her own, Soda would have been able to see her panties as well. The two girls squirmed on the floor, bodies moving against each other-</p><p>Soda closed the door and left.</p><p>Now he was in real trouble. His hard-on was <em>incredibly</em> obvious, even through his jumpsuit, and he was pretty sure he would literally die of embarrassment if anyone saw him like this.</p><p>He needed a place to be <em>alone</em>, and he needed it now. He headed for the beach house. The diner was out, obviously, and everywhere else was too far for him to walk without risking running into one of his classmates.</p><p>Stupid sexy classmates…</p><p>He approached the beach area cautiously, looking out to the ocean to make sure everyone was present and accounted for before slipping into the beach house’s backdoor. He palmed his crotch as soon as the door closed but stopped himself quickly. He had to make sure no one was inside, waiting for him to catch him in some sort of new, stupidly sexy situation.</p><p>“Yo, anyone in here?”</p><p>He was an absolute genius. Either no one was in here and no one would respond, or someone was in here and they would hear him and then… catch him rock hard and red handed.</p><p>Ok so he hadn’t thought that through.</p><p>But no one had responded, and he didn’t hear any movement, so…</p><p>He moved to lock the door, but realized that would be way too suspicious if someone tried to come in. Instead he moved to the storage room, getting caught in the out of order bathroom would be <em>way</em> too obvious.</p><p>The room may not have had a lock, but at least this way he would be able to hear anyone enter the beach house and he’d have a little time to hide his shame before he was caught. He could easily play it off by saying he was looking for something to tinker with, grab some shit to hide his boner with, and make a smooth exit.</p><p>Nice, he actually was a genius.</p><p>Soda looked around the room and found a box to sit on. As soon as he sat down, he started palming himself through his jumpsuit again.</p><p>“Fuuuck…”</p><p>God he was pent up. They had arrived a few days ago and he hadn’t really had any <em>alone</em> time yet where he hadn’t already been exhausted. He really fucking needed this.</p><p>He continued to palm his cock and began to grind his hips up a little as he got more into it, breathing hard as he worked. He was starting to really get into, feeling his body heat up.</p><p>He unzipped his jumpsuit and removed his arms from the sleeves, sliding it just far enough down his hips so that the zipper wouldn’t get in the way once he stated jackin it in earnest.</p><p>He reached into his colorful boxers and wrapped his hand around his cock, bucking a little as he did.</p><p>“Oh shit, yes…”</p><p>Ok, no more romancing himself, he really shouldn’t be taking his time with this…</p><p>He pulled his cock out of his slightly damp underwear and gave it a light squeeze before stroking it, then he quickly worked himself up to a fast pace, letting his mind slip to thoughts his classmates and all the exposed skin they had been treating him to this whole trip.</p><p>“Ahh fuck.”</p><p>He closed his eyes and started moving his hand even faster. He was getting close, he could feel his balls tightening as he began to thrust up into his hand-</p><p>The door opened.</p><p>Shit, he hadn't been paying attention.</p><p>“Fear not, Kazuichi, for I, Gundham Tanaka, have heard-“</p><p>Soda froze, dick still in hand, still raging hard, and looked up at Gundham’s shocked face.</p><p>“Uhh…”</p><p>“I-I apologize.” Gundham looked away, blushing beneath his scarf “I heard you cry out as I passed. I thought you were in need of aid.”</p><p>Gundham was half naked, only wearing swim trunks and his scarf. Shit, when did Gundham get so hot? And why wasn’t he leaving? Why was he just… talking.</p><p>“Had I realized you were… indulging in this most base of human desires, I would not have-”</p><p>Gundham was half naked, talking to Soda while he had his dick in his hand.</p><p>“Of course, I do not mean to shame you for this act. I understand you mortals require such indulgences on occasion-“</p><p>Gundham was half naked, <em>monologuing</em> to Soda while he had his dick in his hand.</p><p>“As a breeder of animals, I understand the instinctual drive to-“</p><p>“Dude…” Soda finally let go of his dick and tucked it back into his boxers. He wanted to cry from both embarrassment and horniness.</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“I was, uh, just about done so…” He just wanted to nut and then die. Why couldn’t Gundham understand and just leave so he could do exactly that?</p><p>“Ah, my apologies.” Gundham turned to leave. As he did Soda couldn’t help but take the opportunity to really check him out. He was surprisingly muscular, great pecs, well defined abs, and…</p><p>Shit, Gundham was hard.</p><p>“Wait!” Why had he said that. Why was he so fucking dumb. He didn’t deserve to nut, he should just die.</p><p>“Do you require something of me?” Soda literally couldn’t tell if that was Gundham proposition him or just being polite.</p><p>“Uh, well, looks like we’re both in the same, um, situation so… uh… I mean if you gotta take care of your… situation, I guess you could also do that, like, here? Y'know, since if someone saw your situation…” Why the fuck did he keep saying situation. “Uh, I mean its fine, guys do this kind of thing all the time, right?” Soda laughed nervously and hoped Gundham didn’t realize how much he was staring at his dick. Friends jacked off together in the same room, right? That was totally a thing?</p><p>“I see.” Gundham <em>finally </em>closed the storage room door “You are proposing that we aid each other then.”</p><p>That was <em>not</em> what he was proposing, he was thinking they could both get <em>themselves</em> off, and he would pretend not to be watching Gundham the whole time. But he was stupid horny and ‘aiding’ <em>each other</em> sounded like a much better idea.</p><p>“Yes?” God, he needed to get his dick back out, his boxers felt almost unbearably tight.</p><p>Gundham approached him and stopped just out of reach. Soda held his breath as he watched Gundham look him up and down, before reaching for Soda’s knee. He pulled his legs apart slowly and moved himself between them. Thanks to the box Soda was sitting on, their hips were at almost the same height.</p><p>Soda glanced up at Gundham, who seemed to no longer be sure what to do, and decided it was his turn to take some initiative. He carefully reached out and placed his hands on the waistband of Gundham’s trunks, then slowly pulled them down until Gundham’s cock was free.</p><p>Holy shit yeah, dudes are fucking hot and so are cocks and why did it take him so long to realize that?</p><p>Gundham’s cock was long, and thick, and leaking just a little bit of precum, and Soda was salivating. He could feel his face burning as he reached out to lightly stroke it with his fingers.</p><p>A quite moan escaped Gundham’s lips, and Soda was certain he had never wanted to hear any sound again so badly in his entire life.</p><p>Soda wrapped his hand fully around Gundham’s cock and began to slowly pump his fist, which earned him another small moan as Gundham leaned forward to place his own hands on Soda’s hips. Gundham’s scarf fell forward, obscuring Soda’s view of his cock, so he used his free hand to pull it from Gundham’s neck.</p><p>Realizing that maybe that had been rude, Soda paused to look up at Gundham and maybe apologize, but lost his words as he looked at Gundham’s face. Yeah, the guy had always been handsome in a weird way, but now, blushing, slightly sweaty, and definitely turned on, he was stupidly hot and Soda had no doubts he was going to be thinking of that face next time he was jacking off.</p><p>Gundham chose that moment to slide his own hand from Soda’s hip to his crotch, palming him through his boxers in pretty much the same way he had been earlier. He let out a moan, it was embarrassingly loud compared to Gundham’s own soft moans, but there was nothing he could do to stop it. Gundham looped his fingers into Soda’s boxers and pulled them down until Soda’s cock was once again exposed.</p><p>“Exquisite.” Gundham panted, and wrapped his own hand around Soda. He kept a slow pace, much like Soda’s own, and it was the best kind of torture Soda could think of. The slow drag of Gundham's fist felt amazing, but he knew he needed more.</p><p>Soda increased the speed of his movements on Gundham’s cock, moaning in relief when Gundham did the same to his. God he was close again. He couldn’t stop himself from thrusting up into Gundham’s fist, moaning louder than before, as he felt the hand on his hip tighten. Gundham moved his hand faster and Soda was lost, he fucked up into Gundham’s hand chasing his orgasm with everything he had. Gundham leaned down and breathed Soda’s name into his ear and he lost it. He came harder than he ever had, shooting his load onto Gundham’s hand and stomach.</p><p>It took a moment for him to recover, and when he did, he realized that he had let go of Gundham’s cock at some point, and the dude had yet to cum.</p><p>Looking back, he had no idea what possessed him to do it, but in the moment it felt so natural to place his hands on Gundham’s chest and lightly push him back, sliding off the box and onto his knees as he did so.</p><p>He looked up at Gundham, wanting to know how the implications of the position would affect him, and found the man looking away, covering the lower half of his face with his hand. It was honestly kind of cute, and Soda couldn’t help but think that Gundham was probably missing his scarf right now.</p><p>He waited for Gundham to look at him, giving him a little smirk when they finally locked eyes before focusing back on Gundham’s cock. He wrapped his fist around it again and gave it a few pumps before moving in to mouth at the base, working his fist as he did. He could hear Gundham’s soft moans above him, barely louder than before, and was overcome with the urge to make him scream. He licked his cock from base to tip, then wrapped his lips around it and sucked. Gundham gasped, reaching down and pulling off Soda’s beanie so he could tangle his fingers in his hair. Soda continued to suck and mouth around the tip of his cock, working the shaft with his fist all the while.</p><p>Gundham was obviously getting close, but he wasn’t quite there, and he definitely wasn’t screaming yet, so Soda lowered his head, taking more of his cock into his mouth. He was honestly a little nervous about having a cock in his mouth, wary of his sharp teeth, but Gundham appeared to be enjoying it, so as long as he was careful he guessed it wouldn’t be a problem. Soda bobbed his head, meeting his fist in the middle of Gundham’s cock, and doing his best to suck all the while. He braced himself by squeezing his free hand on Gundham’s thigh and moved as fast as he dared. Gundham’s grip in his hair tightened as his moans finally grew louder. He could feel his hips twitching in an effort not to simply fuck Soda’s mouth, and he couldn’t help but let out his own moan at the thought of it. The vibrations of Soda’s moan seemed to push Gundham over the edge, and suddenly Soda felt his mouth being filled with hot cum. He swallowed what he could, and pulled back as the last few drops fell onto his lips.</p><p>Soda wiped the cum from his mouth and looked up at Gundham. The man looked wrecked. It seemed like Soda hadn’t been the only one who had really needed to get off.</p><p>Instead of standing up, Soda moved to pull Gundham down to the floor with him, though he of course protested.</p><p>“Relax man, you look stupid tired.”</p><p>“I-I suppose this mortal vessel does have a somewhat limited fortitude.”</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>Gundham pulled his swim trunks back up and sat on the floor, Soda took the time to pull his jumpsuit back over his waist as well.</p><p>The two sat in silence for a moment, catching their breath.</p><p>“So...” Soda began, not really sure what to say.</p><p>“I thank you for your aid.” Gundham was very pointedly not looking him in the eye.</p><p>“Uh… and I you?” Soda tried.</p><p>This got Gundham to smile and finally look at him.</p><p>“Can I trust you to be there in the future, Kazuichi, should I need your assistance again?” Soda was like 70% sure that was Gundham flirting.</p><p>“’Course dude, I’ll be there.”</p><p>Gundham extended a hand, obviously intending for Soda to shake it, as if it hadn’t been wrapped around his dick just a minute ago. Whatever, Soda took it and shook.</p><p>“Then our pact is forged, sealed in the fires of Pandemonium.”</p><p>Soda couldn’t help but laugh at how weird the situation was. He wasn’t quite sure what ‘pact’ translated to in terms of what their relationship would be from now on, but he wouldn’t mind ‘aiding’ each other again.</p><p>Besides, he never did manage to make Gundham scream.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Fellas, is it gay to want to make your friend cum so hard he screams?</p><p> </p><p>
  <del>I might continue this and explore what exactly Gundham meant by pact if y'all are interested...</del>
</p><p>Look, I know got Soda's first and last names mixed up in this, I'm sorry, it was just supposed to be porn but it got out of hand and now that fact haunts my dreams. </p><p>lol I didn't realize I posted this on Gundham's birthday, happy birthday Gundham, get some!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Soda isn't really sure where he stands with Gundham right now, but he's not going to worry about it.</p><p>The boys bond over hamsters.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is just Soda being horny, Gundham being Gundham, and both of them being a little bit tender.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>All in all, things had been way less awkward than Soda thought they would be.</p><p>After catching his breath and cleaning up the mess Soda had made on his stomach, Gundham simply left the beach house, stating that he needed to “construct fortifications worthy of The Four Dark Devas of Destruction,” grabbing a bucket and small plastic shovel on his way out of the storage room.</p><p>Soda had given himself a moment to think about how weird, and maybe slightly cute, Gundham was for making his hamsters a sandcastle, before leaving out the back door of the beach house.</p><p>After that, he hadn’t seen Gundham again until dinner, where he silently took the seat beside Soda and began to eat his meal.</p><p>This caught Hajime’s attention, and when he asked about it Gundham spoke up for the first time that meal.</p><p> “Kazuichi has elected to ally his body with mine on my dark crusade through this mortal realm. Is it so unnatural that I deign to be near those who I consider my confidants?”</p><p><em>‘Ally his body with mine’?</em> Did Gundham actually just admit to everyone that they had… we’ll they didn’t really <em>fuck</em>, but they had gotten each other off and that was still super awkward to just announce in the middle of a group dinner.</p><p>“Oh, so you two are buddies now then?” Akane offered through a mouthful of meat.</p><p>Sonia, who seemed to have the uncanny ability to perfectly understand what Gundham was saying at least 50% of the time, narrowed her beautiful eyes and raised a perfectly shaped brow, her gaze shifting between the two of them.</p><p>“Uh, yeah. Haha, you got a problem with us being bros, Hajime? Promise I’ll always make time for my soul buddy, so ya don’t gotta be jealous.” Soda forced an exaggerated laugh to try to hide how nervous he felt under Sonia’s stunning gaze. “So, uh, anyways, Hajime, who ended up winning that game of chicken?”</p><p>With the topic safely changed the rest of the dinner was pretty unremarkable, aside from Soda constantly replaying what Gundham had said in his mind, and trying to figure out just what exactly the fuck he had meant. It had to be just weird Gundham speak for ‘we’re bros now’ right? There’s no way he would just come out and tell everyone they got each other off, even in his weird cryptic way of speaking, right?</p><p>Everyone ended up just heading back to their cabins after dinner, and Soda found himself sleeping better than he had since they arrived on the island.</p><p>-</p><p>When they met up for breakfast the next day Gundham sat next to him again, bantering with their classmates in the same strange way he usually did, no strange maybe-confessions of hooking up to be heard. Soda relaxed and let himself join the conversation like normal.</p><p>The rest of the day passed without note, Soda spent most of it fiddling with various knickknacks he had found around the island and wishing he could have brought his bike to work on instead. When dinner rolled around, Gundham once again took his seat beside Soda, and he accepted that this was just the way it was gonna be from now on.</p><p>Things continued like that for another two days, and soon no one so much as batted an eye at the new "bros" sitting together. It was just the new normal.</p><p>Except that now Soda had been sitting in the hotel restaurant for like 20 minutes, having finished his breakfast a while ago, and the seat beside him was still empty.</p><p>Where the hell was Gundham?</p><p>Well whatever, dude can do what he wants, it’s not like they made a promise to eat together or anything.</p><p>Soda picked up his plate and took it over to the kitchen to be washed later. When he turned around, Gundham was behind him.</p><p>“Shit!” Soda jumped back before calming down a bit. “D-don’t fucking do that man, you scared me.”</p><p>“Apologies, my companion. I did not mean to frighten you, it had slipped my mind just how dulled mortals’ senses are. I will be sure to alert you of my presence next time.”</p><p>Soda rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed by how startled he had been. “Whatever dude. Where were you anyways? You missed breakfast.” Right when he had just gotten used to him being there too.</p><p>“Ah, I must apologize again.” Gundham actually bowed slightly this time. “I was cleansing impurities from the lairs of my Dark Devas, and it would appear that I fell prey to some fiendish time anomaly.”</p><p>Cleaning his hamster cages and lost track of time, got it.</p><p>Gundham stood upright again. “However, now that the Devas’ lairs have been properly cleansed, it would be safe for a mortal such as yourself to lay eyes on them.”</p><p>Gundham seemed to be waiting for Soda to say something. Oh, was that his way of inviting him to check out his hamster cages? Soda didn’t really know a lot about caring for hamsters, so he wouldn’t mind going back to Gundham’s room and-</p><p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p><p>Gundham’s <em>room.</em></p><p>Shit was Gundham propositioning him? It was still pretty early, but maybe Gundham was more of a morning guy when it came to getting off. Ok, yeah, he could work with that.</p><p>Soda could feel himself blushing. “S-sure.”</p><p>Gundham simply raised an eyebrow.</p><p>Right he didn’t <em>actually</em> ask Soda to come ‘look at his hamster cages,’ he just heavily implied that Soda should ask <em>him</em> if he could ‘look at his hamster cages.’</p><p>“Right, I mean, if it’s safe and whatever do you think I could take a look at your ham- uh, Devas’ lairs?”</p><p>“If that is your wish, I will accompany you their lairs once I have found sustenance.”</p><p>Right, you shouldn’t bone on an empty stomach. That’s probably a thing people say, right?</p><p>“Cool, I’ll just, uh, be in my room then. So just come get me once your… sustained?” <em>Look,</em> he was trying alright?</p><p>Gundham spared him a nod before moving to find his own breakfast, then Soda left the hotel to go sit in his room like a dumbass who definitely should have just stayed in the hotel cus what the fuck was he gonna do in his room for the like 10 minute it would take Gundham to eat?</p><p>He entered his cabin and flopped onto his bed. Should he like, put on sexy underwear or something? Did he own sexy underwear? All his boxers fit him pretty much the same, and even if they were slightly different, they were all covered in similar random splashes of neon colors, so none of them really seemed any sexier than the others.</p><p>What the fuck were you supposed to do while waiting for a hookup? He couldn’t, like, get things started on his own cus he still had to walk over to Gundham’s cabin and he wasn’t gonna risk getting caught with a hard-on <em>again</em>. He wasn’t sure if he had enough time to shower either… not that it’d really matter since he’d just be getting all hot and sweaty again soon anyways...</p><p>Nope, can’t think about that right now, still have to make that walk.</p><p>Soda stood and walked over to the mirror in the bathroom. He combed out his hair with his fingers, fiddled with his braid, and checked his teeth for food. Great, he had killed like a minute.</p><p>Why was he so nervous damnit! They had already seen each other naked, hell he had Gundham’s <em>dick</em> in his <em>mouth</em>! He <em>swallowed</em> his <em>cum</em>! There was nothing to be nervous about!</p><p>Unless… what if Gundham wanted more this time? Soda hadn’t really thought too much about actual <em>sex</em> with a dude yet. Like, what exactly would Gundham expect him to <em>do</em>? Would he be into it if Gundham put his dick in his-</p><p>There was a knock at the door and Soda jumped.</p><p>Shit, no more time to think about it.</p><p>Soda opened the door, kinda hoping it wasn’t actually Gundham who had knocked, but there he was, in all his weird, handsome glory.</p><p>“H-hey.” It would be rude to back out now, right? Like they had that whole pact thing Gundham had mentioned so…</p><p>“I have reconstituted this mortal shell, so let us make haste. The Devas have granted you access to their lairs, Kazuichi, it would not do to make them wait.” Gundham turned and walked away.</p><p>Okay, shit, he could do this, he’d be fine. He didn’t even actually know if Gundham was gonna try to fuck him, like, they were probably just gonna mess around again, right?</p><p>Soda took a deep breath, slowly exhaled and followed Gundham to his cabin.</p><p>Once inside Soda made sure to lock the door behind himself. He needed a moment, so he pressed his head against the solid wood of the door and took another deep breath.</p><p>“Are you unwell, my companion?” Okay, yeah, Gundham was gonna notice that and he was dumb for not realizing it.</p><p>“I’m good, just-“</p><p>Gundham was behind him when he turned. Like, <em>right</em> behind him. The sheer closeness of him made Soda blush, and he couldn’t manage to look Gundham in the eye. However, Gundham apparently wasn’t going to let him hide.</p><p>Soda felt Gundham place his finger below his chin, and gently lift his head so he could see his face. God, he thought they were close before, but having their faces, their <em>mouths</em>, so near each other made the distance feel unbelievably smaller somehow. Soda didn’t know what to do, his eyes were locked on the mismatched set currently examining his own face and he was frozen.</p><p>He felt Gundham shift, bringing his other hand up towards his face as well, and Soda couldn’t help but close his eyes, not certain what was about to happen, but anticipating it anyway.</p><p>
  <em>The press of lips against his-</em>
</p><p>Gundham placed his hand on Soda’s forehead and hummed, shaking him out of whatever the hell he was imagining.</p><p>“You feel quite warm. Are you certain you are not unwell? I am positive the Devas will grant you access another time if you are not yet ready for their splendor.”</p><p>Was he ready?</p><p>“No, really I’m fine. I’m just, uh, excited I guess?” Might as well just get it over with, at least figure out what <em>exactly</em> Gundham wants from him before he freaks out about it. “So maybe we can just like… get right to it?”</p><p>“Such enthusiasm” Gundham’s voice was low, approving, and still so damn close that Soda could swear he felt it vibrate through his body. “Very well then.”</p><p>Gundham stepped backwards and gestured grandly to the room “Behold!”</p><p>Soda was still reeling from the tonal whiplash his own stupid sexy thoughts had given him, so the dumbfound look on his face, as he surveyed the colorful sprawling tubes winding their way across the floor, into a large cage and back out the top of it, was genuine.</p><p>“Impressive, is it not? The Four Dark Devas of Destruction demand not but the best in all things. This lair may be but a fragment of their true dwelling, but it is still magnificent! Do you not agree?”</p><p>Soda continued to stare at the strange structure before him, he was literally speechless.</p><p>Wait, so, when Gundham asked him to come look at his hamster cages… he had actually just meant he wanted him to look at his hamster cages?</p><p>“Ha! It seems your mortal mind was not yet ready to behold such a marvel! Fear not, my dear companion, the Devas power shall not harm you while I am here! Should you still feel overwhelmed, however, you need only let me know and I will return you to your own domain swiftly.”</p><p>Gundham crossed his arms and hid the bottom half of his face in his scarf. It looked like he was starting to get embarrassed by Soda’s continued silence. Shit, he didn’t want him to think he thought it was dumb or something, time to tell his confused dick to shut up, and get his equally confused brain to start making words.</p><p>“Oh, sorry dude. I was just, um, super surprised! I mean, this stuff takes up like half your room. You must be really dedicated to taking care of your, uh, Devas if you’re willing to give up so much space for them. Like, damn dude.”</p><p>As Soda spoke, he watched as Gundham practically inflate with pride again. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t happy to see it.</p><p>“Well of course, a proper environment is important to all creatures, both large and small, but I do not consider the lost space a determent to my own domain, rather-“</p><p>Gundham began to monologue about the importance of varied and enriching environments, before delving deeply into different aspects of proper hamster care. Soda couldn’t really keep up, but he was enjoying watching Gundham talk so animatedly about something he was obviously passionate about. As Gundham talked, Soda crouched down and began to examine the tubes up close. They didn’t exactly look like they were hard to connect, but the thought of Gundham painstakingly placing them, ensuring they were properly connected so his hamsters didn’t escape or get hurt, made him smile and feel a warmth in his chest completely different from what he had felt earlier.</p><p>Gundham crouched down beside him, pausing his monologue, and immediately a hamster skittered through the tubes and stopped in front of them, as if summoned. Soda looked from the hamster to Gundham, and made sure to commit the soft smile that appeared on Gundham’s face to memory.</p><p>“Ah, Jum-P, you appear to be at full strength once again.” Gundham gently disconnected a section of the tube and allowed the hamster to crawl into his hand, before carefully reconnecting the tunnel.</p><p>“Full strength? Was he sick?”</p><p>“Jum-P was waging war with an unidentified demon late into the night. By this morning, the demon had been banished, but Jum-P was left weakened by the battle, I… was worried the battle may have been too fierce...” Gundham’s face was somber as he spoke, he was carefully examining the hamster in his hand at the same time, probably checking for any signs of remaining illness or injury.</p><p>Oh, so that was why Gundham had missed breakfast, he must have been up pretty late taking care of his hamster. In fact-</p><p>“Gundham, did you… did you get <em>any</em> sleep last night?” Now that he was looking, there were definitely dark circles under Gundham’s eyes. Gundham didn't look away from the hamster.</p><p>“I could not rest while one of my Devas fought such a fierce battle. Though, I fear there was little I could do without knowing the true identity of the demon.” Gundham looked sad as he began to pet the hamster. “I apologize, Jum-P, I was unable to assist you in your time of need. I failed as your guardian.” God, he had never seen Gundham look so miserable before.</p><p>“I’m sure that’s not true…” Gundham raised his miserable gaze to Soda “I-I mean, even if you couldn’t, um, fight the demon for him, I’m sure just having you there helped, right? Animals are supposed to be sensitive to that kinda stuff, aren’t they? I’m sure he knew you were there worrying about him and it, like, helped him fight better!” He was having a hard time sticking to Gundham’s battle metaphor, but he looked a bit less miserable, so Soda kept talking. “Sometimes all you really need is someone there to support you right? Everything’s a little less scary that way, so I’m sure you helped Jum-P more than you know! Uh, right?”</p><p>Gundham smiled softly again, this time while looking at Soda, and he was pretty sure he was going to die any second from how goddamn handsome this man was. When Gundham looked back at his hamster Soda was both relieved and disappointed.</p><p>“I have misjudged you, my dear companion, it appears you possess great wisdom, incongruous with your outward appearance. I thank you for your words.”</p><p>“Hell yeah I’m wise, and don’t you forget it!” Soda was pretty sure Gundham had said he looked dumb somewhere in there, but whatever, he’d let it slide for now.</p><p>“Would you like to hold him?” Gundham extended the hand holding Jum-P towards Soda. The hamster was tiny, and had apparently just recovered from some disease, Soda was a little worried about hurting it by accident, but if Gundham trusted him…</p><p>“Can I? I mean is Jum-P cool with letting a mortal like me hold him? What if I, y’know, accidently hurt him or something?”</p><p>“You require great dexterity while attending to your constructs do you not? I trust your hands to be capable of managing Jum-P, he is the most tranquil of my Devas. However, if you are nervous, I will lend you my aid.” Soda blushed at the word, and he couldn’t be sure, but he thought Gundham did as well. “Hold your hands like so.” Gundham cupped both his hands together, creating a sort of bowl for the hamster to rest in.</p><p>Soda copied him, and Gundham placed the hand not occupied by Jum-P below Soda’s, supporting them as he gently placed the hamster into Soda’s palms, petting him lightly after he let go. Jum-P felt warm and <em>ridiculously</em> fragile in his hands, and Soda immediately began to panic. He was absolutely going to hurt this hamster somehow and Gundham was going to hate him.</p><p>“Relax.” There was that low voice again, so close, and this time Soda was <em>certain</em> he felt it reverberate through his body. He took a deep breath and focused on keeping his hands steady as the hamster sniffed his palms.</p><p>“Do I stink or something?” Soda let out a nervous laugh.</p><p>“Your scent is quite pleasant, Jum-P is simply familiarizing himself with it.” Gundham once again began to pet the hamster in Soda’s hands, still supporting them from below with his own.</p><p>Soda flicked his eyes up to Gundham’s face, and there was that stupid soft smile again. Soda suddenly became aware of their position. They were basically holding hands around the hamster, sitting with their knees touching and their heads bent together, foreheads no more than an inch apart. Had Gundham just said he smelled nice? He felt that weird warmth from earlier again, the one that had nothing to do with his dick and sat heavy in his chest. He swallowed and looked back down at the hamster.</p><p>“Oh! Is he asleep?” The hamster had curled up in his palms and looked to be breathing peacefully.</p><p>“Yes, it would appear Jum-P has deemed you worthy of his trust. You should be honored.”</p><p>“Oh, thanks little dude.” He giggled a bit “So do we have to sit here like this until he wakes up, or?”</p><p>Soda was enjoying himself, but his knees were starting to hurt, and he had no idea how long hamsters slept for…</p><p>“That will not be necessary, Jum-P is a sound sleeper, he will not be disturbed by being relocated to his lair. Would you like to do it, or shall I?”</p><p>Soda was pretty flattered that Gundham would trust him enough to carry the hamster across the room the cage, but he didn’t trust himself not to trip over one of the hamster tubes on the way.</p><p>“You should probably do it, I’m still pretty worried about dropping him.”</p><p>“Very well.” Gundham scooped the hamster from his palms, and Soda had to admit he kinda missed the feeling of its furry little body in his hands.</p><p>Almost as much as he missed the feeling of Gundham’s hand on his.</p><p>He wasn’t really ready to think about what that meant just yet.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Fellas, is it gay to tenderly cradle your bro's hands while you let him hold a hamster than means more to you than your own life?</p><p> </p><p>Here are all my notes for everything that happened in this chapter: </p><p>-Gundham starts sitting with him during meals, mentions something about them having allied with each other that sounds risqué.<br/>-after a bit Gundham doesn’t join for breakfast till late cus he got caught up tending to his Devas, he invites Soda to see their habitat once he’s done eating<br/>-Soda doesn’t know if he’s being propositioned<br/>-He’s not, Gundham shows him the hamster stuff and soda doesn’t really understand but just kind of listens since Gundham seems happy.</p><p>Do you see the part where is says "write 1.5k words about the boys being tender over hamsters"? No? Cus neither do I but here we fucking are.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Soda never claimed to be smart, sometimes he makes mistakes and hurts people without even knowing.</p><p>Soda realizes he might not have his priorities in order.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Unrestrained summer fun, with a healthy heaping of feeling like you're not good enough on the side.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Soda definitely had a lot of thinking to do, but he wasn’t gonna do any of it until he really had to.</p><p>With Jum-P safely back in his lair, it seemed like it was probably a good time to wrap up this field trip into hamster land.</p><p>“Wanna go hang out somewhere else, man? I mean, if I disturb the Devas for too long I’ll probably get cursed or something, right?” Soda smiled at Gundham across the room.</p><p>“You need not fear the wrath of my Devas, my companion, so long as you do not betray me, they will not harm you.” Gundham was smiling too. “A change of location may be amiable, however.”</p><p>“Sweet.” Soda turned and opened the door, he didn’t really know where they should go, but he figured they were bound to run into some of their classmates doing something interesting soon enough. No real point in making plans if your weird friends are just gonna ruin them anyway right?</p><p>Soda and Gundham hadn’t even made it past the row cabins when they spotted several of their classmates walking and chatting animatedly.</p><p>Akane waved them over “Yo, you guy wanna come to the beach? The one by the diner? We’re gonna find out who’s the best swimmer. Teruteru even said he’d be sure to give the winner some thick, juicy meat.”</p><p>“I’ll be sure to give it to you till you can’t take it anymore.” Teruteru laughed in a way he probably thought was charming.</p><p>Soda cringed at the obvious metaphor. He wasn’t really an amazing swimmer and racing kinda sounded like a hassle anyways…</p><p>Then Sonia, beautiful, perfect Sonia, stepped up, arm on her bicep “I will show you all my power! I will be the winner of the meat and you will all be made to admit defeat!”</p><p>Soda fucking loved swimming and racing sounded like a god damn amazing idea.</p><p>“Y-yeah! Of course we’ll come! I’ll show you I’m no pushover Miss Sonia!”</p><p>“I look forward to competing with you, Gundham!” Sonia said, ignoring Soda and flipping her long, gorgeous hair over her shoulder before walking away, followed by the others.</p><p>“Damnit, whys she always gotta ignore me like that.” Soda kind of wanted to cry, but he’d just have to prove to Sonia that he was serious in the race. And really, even if he didn’t, at least he’d get to see Sonia in a swimsuit. Hell yeah.</p><p>“Come on Gundham! Let’s grab our trunks and head to the beach!” Soda turned to Gundham with visible enthusiasm. Gundham didn’t seem to feel nearly as excited.</p><p>“Ah, I… will have to leave this battle to you, my companion. As the Supreme Overlord of Ice, I have made a nemesis of the many sea gods. Were I to enter their domain, it would surely result in catastrophe for all involved.” Gundham was looking away, he must not really like the ocean.</p><p>“Huh? So you’re not coming?” Gundham didn’t respond “Ok, man, whatever. I’ll catch you later then.” Soda turned and ran to his cabin.</p><p>Sure, he felt a little bad about leaving Gundham alone, but it wasn’t like he was excluding him or something. He had been invited, he was just <em>choosing</em> not to go, so it’s his fault if he ends up feeling left out, right? Anyways, this meant Gundham wouldn’t be there to distract Sonia from him, so Soda’d definitely get her attention now!</p><p>He changed into his swim trunks and ran back outside, not wanting to get left behind. He vaguely noted that Gundham had already left. Maybe he went back to check on his hamsters again? Whatever, Sonia here he comes!</p><p>It had been a while since he had really thought about her properly, the whole… <em>thing</em> with Gundham had been taking up most of the space in his brain recently. But now he was focused again, picturing what the beautiful princess would look like in her swimsuit. Would she wear a bikini? His mouth was watering at the thought of all that beautiful, smooth skin being on display. Her delicate arms and long, slender legs, her supple chest and wide hips… that pale stomach and those rippling abs, so well defined through pale, <em>pale</em> skin, and that deep V created by hip bones, leading down to that thick, hard-</p><p>Fuck. That wasn’t Sonia anymore. Shit.</p><p>Soda shook his head and wished that Gundham would kindly get the fuck out of his Sonia fantasy with his stupid sexy body, and handsome face, and big, warm hands, and those sad eyes as Soda had walked away-</p><p>Nope. Not the time for this. He wasn’t going feel bad about Gundham <em>choosing</em> not to hang out with the rest of them, and he <em>was</em> going to think about how sexy <em>Sonia</em> was, god damnit! Sonia! You hear that you stupid traitor of a brain? <em>Sonia!</em></p><p>Sonia in a little, skimpy bikini that barely covered her beautiful body and <em>soft</em> curves. Curves so unlike those on Gundham’s muscular body, curves that would be smooth and supple against his palms, rather than taught and firm. The contrast would probably drive him crazy; soft yielding flesh in front of him and a hard, muscular body behind him-</p><p>Okay, <em>hot</em>, but still not what he was going for.</p><p>Whatever, he could see the beach just ahead, so it was probably time to get his head out of the clouds anyways.</p><p>As he approached the beach, he saw Sonia look up at him with a smile, and he felt so happy that he hardly even cared when it changed to a look of confusion and disappointment a moment later.</p><p>“Where is Gundham? I thought he would be with you?”</p><p>“Oh, he, uh, said something about not liking the sea gods? Don’t worry Miss Sonia, I’ll make sure this race is so fun you don’t even notice he’s gone!” Gundham couldn’t <em>actually</em> cock block him when he wasn’t even there, right?</p><p>Sonia still looked disappointed. Soda heard a loud click.</p><p>“That’s too bad, I was hoping to get some good shots of everyone.” Mahiru lowered her camera and approached them. “Well hopefully he’ll come by later, I was mostly hoping to get some shots in front of the sunset anyways.”</p><p>It didn’t occur to Soda until that very moment that Mahiru would be taking pictures of the event. Pictures where everyone would be half naked, and possibly soaking wet… Mahiru was quickly becoming one of Soda’s favorite people.</p><p>Speaking of being half naked…</p><p>“Where are your guys’ swimsuits? I thought we were gonna race in the ocean?” Looking around, all of the girls were still in their regular clothes.</p><p>“Disappointed, pervert?” Hiyoko laughed.</p><p>“N-no! I was just, uh. Akane said we we’re gonna swim, so-” Soda did his best not to sound like the disappointed pervert he definitely was.</p><p>“We weren’t sure how long everyone would take, so we decided we'd get changed in the beach house.” Chiaki had appeared from somewhere. “But if Gundham isn’t coming, then I guess this is everyone. We should probably get changed then.”</p><p>The girls headed towards the beach house, and Soda’s eyes widened. They were gonna be changing so close by, in a house with a big ass window. His face reddened and he looked to Hajime, standing just a bit further down the beach. Surely his soul friend would understand what an amazing opportunity this was.</p><p>“Hajime-“</p><p>“No.” Hajime sounded firm, but he was blushing. He was definitely thinking the same thing Soda was.</p><p>“C’mon man. This is like, a once in a lifetime opportunity. <em>All</em> of the girls are getting changed! <em>Right there</em>! Right on the other side of that huge window. We gotta peek! It’s like, out duty as men!” Soda could see Hajime’s resolve slowly crumbling. “Just a quick peek dude, no one has to know.”</p><p>“I guess if it’s just quickly…” Hell yeah, hell yeah, HELL YEAH!</p><p>“Yo, what are you two whispering about? Gonna cheat in the race?” Soda and Hajime jumped as Akane approached. She was practically bursting out of her little blue and white bikini, and Soda was having a really hard time not starring.</p><p>“N-nothin, don’t worry about it.” Soda laughed nervously “I uh, thought all the girls were inside… how’d you get changed so fast?”</p><p>“Huh? I just wore by suit under my clothes. Why? Were you hopping to get a peek or somethin’?”</p><p>“N-no!” Soda shouted, in a totally calm and not at all suspicious way.</p><p>“Ha, I don’t mind givin’ you a peek, but it’s gonna cost ya.” Soda couldn’t tell if she was teasing him or actually serious. Hajime just shook his head and walked away.</p><p>“H-hey! Hajime! Wait up.” Soda had no idea how to handle Akane, he definitely didn’t want to get stuck alone with her, sexy swimsuit or not. Well, maybe he wouldn’t mind being like, <em>alone</em> alone with her, but maybe not right this second.</p><p>A few minutes later the rest of the girls emerged, some in bikinis, but most, including Sonia, in school issued one-piece swimsuits. Soda would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little disappointed, but at least she wasn’t wearing a full wetsuit or something weird like that. Still plenty of beautiful, perfect skin on display.</p><p>He should probably compliment her, right? Girls loved when guys told them they looked good in swimsuits, right?</p><p>“Miss Sonia, you-“</p><p>“Let us get started with the competition!” Sonia either didn’t hear him or didn’t care, cutting him off before he could finish and heading towards the water. Hajime gave Soda a sympathetic pat on the back before following her.</p><p>Sonia and Akane scouted out good start and end points for the race, and Mahiru volunteered to be the judge, ready to take pictures in case of a photo finish. Soda knew he couldn’t actually win the race, but he was gonna do his best in hopes of impressing Sonia and finally getting her to acknowledge him.</p><p>-</p><p>Soda was right not to think he could win, the second Mahiru said go, Akane was swimming off at dizzying speeds, no doubt spurred on by Teruteru’s promise of food for the winner. Still, Soda did his best and ended up finishing just behind Hajime. He wasn’t sure what place he finished in, but he felt like he made pretty good time, so probably at least like top 5 right?</p><p>He was 7<sup>th</sup>. Sonia had placed 3<sup>rd</sup>, after Akane and Peko, which meant she had finished before him and probably hadn’t even spared the time to see how hard he was trying. He tried to congratulate her on doing so well, but just got blown off again.</p><p>He felt pretty shitty. He wondered what Gundham was up to.</p><p>He spared a glance to the shore to see if the breeder had changed his mind and shown up at the beach while he had been focused on the race. No sign of him. Soda felt even shittier.</p><p>He was suddenly splashed in the face with water.</p><p>“Hey cheer up Soda, I think you did pretty well honestly.” Hajime, dear, sweet Hajime.</p><p>“You’re only saying that cus I nearly beat you. If I sucked it’d mean you sucked too.” He splashed Hajime back, already feeling a little better.</p><p>“Just take the compliment.” Hajime laughed and splashed more water at Soda. It was on, if Hajime wanted a splash fight, Soda was gonna give it to him.</p><p>The splash fight devolved into an all-out splash war as the others joined in, laughing and threatening to kill each other in the same breaths. Maybe Sonia still wasn’t paying attention to Soda, but he was at least having fun now.</p><p>The splash war died down and devolved into a handstand contest, which became a breath holding contest, which became several rounds of chicken. Soda lost track of time and didn’t even notice that the sun was setting and he was starving until Akane stopped what she was doing, sniffed, and made a beeline towards the shore, shouting something about food.</p><p>Teruteru must have snuck off at some point, because when Soda looked back at the beach, he saw him standing behind a grill, piling delicious looking food onto a table that must have been folded up somewhere in the beach house's storage room.</p><p>Soda felt a bit embarrassed thinking about the storage room, but he was too hungry to worry about it and headed for shore along with the rest of his classmates. Whatever Teruteru was cooking smelled amazing, and Soda was drooling by the time he made it to where the table was set up outside the beach house.</p><p>Teruteru seemed to be setting up the table buffet style, with plates stacked at one end and various dishes lined up along it. It didn’t seem like he was done cooking yet, but Akane was already digging in. Soda grabbed a plate a filled it with a bit of everything, there weren’t any chairs set up, but Soda figured he could just find somewhere for him and Gundham-</p><p>His stomach dropped. Gundham wasn’t here and Soda had ditched him to hang out around a girl who probably wouldn’t even care if he dropped dead in front of her. God he was a shitty friend, or companion, or… whatever he was to Gundham.</p><p>Well fuck that, time to stop being shitty. Soda piled some more food onto his plate and moved to leave the beach.</p><p>“Soda? Where are you going?” Hajime called after him.</p><p>“Oh uh, I just thought I’d go find Gundham. Bring him something to eat, y’know?”</p><p>“You are going to find Gundham?” Sonia looked at him for what was probably only the second time that day. “Allow me to accompany you then.”</p><p>Usually, Soda would be ecstatic at the opportunity to spend time alone with Sonia, even if it was just for the short walk to their cabins, but he wasn’t really feeling it right now. Maybe it was because he felt guilty about ditching Gundham and didn’t want an audience for his apology, or maybe he was just hurt by the fact that Sonia had ignored him all day and was obviously just using him to get to Gundham now. Either way, he knew he didn’t want her to come.</p><p>“Nah, I’m good. You just stay here Sonia.” Soda wasn’t sure if he was imagining the shocked looks on his friends faces as he turned around to leave again. Were they really so shocked that he showed a little backbone?</p><p>Yeah, of course they were. Soda knew he was a huge pushover, especially when it came to Sonia.</p><p>“Hold up.” Jesus what now. “Can’t have you letting my food get cold while you find tall, dark, and handsome. Give me that.” With a completely unnecessary flourish, Teruteru grabbed the plate Soda was holding and transferred the food into a shallow bowl with a lid. “There, make sure to tell Gundham he’s welcome to come see me anytime if that doesn’t satisfy him.” Teruteru laughed and winked while combing back his stupid hair.</p><p>Soda took the food and left before anyone else could stop him.</p><p>What the fuck had he just done. Soda just kept on making mistakes.</p><p>Why did he turn down Sonia like that? She probably hated him for being so rude now. Well, maybe being hated by her was actually a little better than just being nothing. At least now she might spare a thought for him every now and then, even if it was just about how much she disliked him, being on her mind was still sort of a win, right?</p><p>God he was pathetic.</p><p>Fuck it, Sonia had probably already forgotten he existed again. She was probably thinking about Gundham now. Well jokes on her, she could think of him all she wanted but Soda was the one who had sucked his dick, so there.</p><p>Sonia hadn’t sucked Gundham’s dick before, right? <em>Right?</em> Had she? Why the fuck did that thought make him so mad? Was he actually jealous? And which one of them was he jealous of? Fuck.</p><p>Soda breathed deeply and debated just taking all the food back to his cabin and pigging out until he felt less shitty. He was basically already there anyways.</p><p>He spared a glance to the end of the row of cabins and noticed Gundham’s lights were off. Was he sleeping? The sun had just barely set, but Gundham <em>had</em> been up all-night taking care of Jum-P so…</p><p>Soda sighed and went to take a look. At least if Gundham was asleep he would have an excuse to eat all the food by himself. He was just checking to give himself a good alibi, he really didn't care if Gundham was sleeping, and he definitely wasn't hoping he was awake so they could... talk.</p><p>He peeked in the window as he walked up, but he couldn’t really see anything. He should probably knock right? Maybe Gundham just liked sitting in the dark sometimes? Soda could easily imagine Gundham sitting alone in a dark room and calling it a ritual or something.</p><p>He knocked on the door lightly. “Uh, Gundham? I brought food?”</p><p>No response.</p><p>“And I’m, um, I’m sorry for ditching you earlier, that was... pretty lame of me.”</p><p>Nothing.</p><p>“Gundham?” He knocked again, louder. Still no response.</p><p>Was he just a really deep sleeper? Or was he not in his room? Or was he actually just super pissed at Soda for ditching him, and now he was ignoring him just like Sonia? The thought kind of made him want to cry.</p><p>Fuck it, he wasn’t gonna just <em>let</em> Gundham ignore him.</p><p>“C’mon man! I said I’m sorry already! Let me make it up to you! You can eat my share of Teru’s food if you want! Or,” Soda blushed “I-I could y’know, ‘aid’ you again if you want…”</p><p>“Aid him? Now what could you possibly be helping the ultimate breeder with I wonder.” Soda jumped at the sound of Nagito’s voice.</p><p>“Dude! Where the fuck did you come from?” Soda prayed he wouldn’t push him on what he had meant by aiding Gundham.</p><p>“Hmm? I just walked the same way you did. Hajime looked a little cold, and I thought the least a worthless piece of trash like me could do is get him a sweater.” He smiled that creepy smile of his. “Oh, and lucky you, I happened to see Gundham on my way here. He was headed towards that little beach by the airport.”</p><p>“What? Why was he going there?”</p><p>“Ah, I didn’t ask. I’m sorry, I really am useless, aren’t I?”</p><p>“W-whatever dude.” Soda really hated talking to Nagito on his own, something was just <em>off </em>about him. He gave him a half wave and walked back the way he had come at a totally normal, not at all fast pace.</p><p>It was time to apologize for real, he really didn’t want to lose… whatever it was he had with Gundham.</p><p>Whatever it was that was making his heart feel so damn heavy.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Fellas, is it gay to realize you'd rather be spending time with the guy whos dick you sucked than the girl you thought you were in love with?</p><p> </p><p>This chapter was getting really long so I decided to split it, which means I can <i>guarantee</i> there will be smut in the next chapter since I'm already writing it.</p><p>To be clear; yes, Soda asked Gundham to hangout somewhere and then ditched him all of 2 minutes later. What a bro.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Soda is slowly realizing his relationships might be changing.</p><p>Soda has some feelings, Gundham has a secret, and both of them blow off some steam.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Uh-oh Soda! Looks like your having what the kids call a "Panic Attack"! Time to feel like everyone hates you and you’re worthless! F’s in the chat boys!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Once he was out of Nagito’s sight, Soda stopped and looked around. Gundham had gone to the beach? He said he didn’t like the ocean or whatever, but now he was apparently going to the beach on his own? Had he just made an excuse earlier cus he didn’t want to hang out with everyone?</p><p>Had Gundham just not wanted to hang out with <em>him</em>?</p><p>Soda hesitated. Gundham might just get even more annoyed with him if he showed up and crashed his secret beach time. Maybe he really should just take the food back to his own room, eat way too much, maybe cry a little, then pass out for the night. That sounded like an alright plan…</p><p>But his dumbass already had told everyone he was taking food to Gundham, meaning Gundham would definitely find out that Soda had purposely not looked for him and get even more pissed. God damnit. He really couldn’t deal with it if Gundham hated him.</p><p>He started walking towards the beach. If Gundham got mad he could just play dumb and say he was going for a swim, he was still in his swimsuit after all.</p><p>It wasn’t a great plan but, hey, it was a plan.</p><p>He wasn’t really sure what he’d find; Gundham swimming, or exercising, or taming animals, or like, trying to summon a demon maybe. But when he got there, Gundham was simply standing still, dressed once again in his swim shorts and scarf, staring out at the ocean with a troubled look on his face.</p><p>Something about it made Soda feel like he was seeing something private. Like Gundham really wouldn’t want him there.</p><p>Before he could even think about leaving, Gundham turned his head and caught sight of him. He looked surprised and… embarrassed?</p><p>“My… Kazuichi, for what purpose have you disturbed my dark meditation?” He didn’t look mad, but Soda could tell he wasn’t happy to see him. Ouch. Fair, but still ouch.</p><p>“Uh, Teruteru made food for everyone so… I thought maybe you’d want to eat some too?” He awkwardly shifted the bowl in his hands.</p><p>“Ah, if you are simply here to deliver sustenance, you may do so and leave.” Gundham gestured dismissively to a spot on the ground where he had laid out a towel.</p><p>Oh shit, he was actually super mad wasn’t he, Gundham must be one of those guys who just never yells when he’s actually pissed, just gets quiet and scary. Shit. Fuck. At least he was used to being yelled at, he didn’t know how to deal with quiet angry people. He really needed to apologize.</p><p>“Look Gundham, I’m really fuckin’ sorry, I shouldn’t have-“</p><p>“You are sorry?” Gundham looked surprised. God, he must think Soda is a real piece of shit to be surprised that he’d try to apologize. Soda’s chest felt tight. He was actually gonna cry. Gundham definitely already hated him.</p><p>“Y-yeah, I- look it was stupid and <em>I’m</em> stupid and I really didn’t mean to be so god damn s-shitty to you, I was just…” A stupid selfish asshole? An idiot chasing tail? The same useless fuck-up he had always been? God he wasn’t even worth the time Gundham was giving him to apologize. And now he was crying like some kind of pussy.</p><p>Gundham was standing in front of him now, Soda looked at the ground. Gundham didn’t need to see how ugly his face was when he was crying like a little bitch, and Soda didn’t want to see the look Gundham’s face when he realized just how truly pathetic he was.</p><p>“I just so- so <em>fucking </em>stupid and useless and-” He felt a hand on his naked shoulder.</p><p>“My sweet companion, I do not know what it is you are trying to apologize for,” Gundham pulled him close to his bare chest and began to gently stroke his hair “but I am certain it is not worth shedding your precious tears over.”</p><p>Soda sniffed, grossly, against Gundham’s shoulder “I t-totally ditched you today. I invited you out and the I just f-fucking left you.” His arms were just hanging at his sides while Gundham tried to comfort him. He had dropped Teru’s food. He felt incredibly stupid. He<em> was</em> incredibly stupid.</p><p>“I believe it was <em>I</em> who deigned not to accompany <em>you</em>.” Gundham moved his hand from Soda’s hair to his cheek, gently shifting his head so he was able to look into Soda’s eyes. “You have inverted the situation, dearest companion, I fear it is<em> I</em> who must ask forgiveness of <em>you</em>.” Gundham smiled in that soft way that made Soda’s chest hurt.</p><p>“I- huh? B-but I should have-“ He averted his eyes from Gundham’s face, he didn’t deserve Gundham’s kindness.</p><p>“Then I forgive you, if that is what you wish to hear. I forgive you for all that you believe you have done wrong, and I only ask that you to grant me the pleasure of your smile in return.” The hand on Soda’s cheek slid under his chin and lifted. Soda had stopped crying, but he didn’t smile. “Do not make me call upon my Deva’s, Kazuichi, you will not be able to withstand their wrath.”</p><p>Soda laughed weakly, turning his head to rest it against Gundham’s shoulder. “You didn’t a-actually bring them to the beach right?” He sniffled a little, feeling his tears drying on his cheeks “Isn’t it dangerous for them out here in the dark?”</p><p>“Ah, you once again prove to be wise beyond my perception. The Deva’s remain safely in their lairs.” Gundham’s hand was back in his hair, stroking. “You’ve bested my deception with your dark insight, well done.” Gundham stepped back so he could look at Soda again. “Shall we partake in the rations you have fetched? Perhaps it would be best to converse <em>after</em> sating our hunger.”</p><p>Soda looked down at the food he had dropped, it looked like the lid had stayed on at least.</p><p>“Okay, y-yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”</p><p>They sat on Gundham’s towel and ate in silence as Soda’s shaky breathing slowly returned to normal. He always felt so unsteady after crying, it was embarrassing. At least Gundham wasn’t making fun of him for it.</p><p>“Hey, um… Sorry about all that.” He said, staring at his feet. “I swear I’m not usually such a pussy, I just… had a weird day, I guess. Shit just kinda piled up and, well… I dunno, I guess I was worried you like, hated me or something?”</p><p>“I am… quite far from hating you.” Soda looked up, but Gundham turned away from him. “Why would you think I held such a feeling for you?”</p><p>“Cus of how I ditched you earlier! Like a complete asshole! What kinda friend does that?”</p><p>“So, the guilt you felt, believing you had abandoned me, that was what caused your emotions to spill out so violently?”</p><p>“I guess, kinda… yeah?”</p><p>“Ah, then I truly do own you my most sincere of apologies.”</p><p>“What? No man, it’s fine, really.”</p><p>“But it is my weakness which caused you such sorrow.”</p><p>“Your weakness?”</p><p>Gundham stood and turned towards the ocean. “As I said, it was I who chose not to accompany you. I… wished to partake in the ritual which our comrades suggested, however, I would not have been able to.”</p><p>Not able? Didn’t Gundham just hate the ocean or something?</p><p>“It is shameful but… I am unable to traverse Poseidon’s realm.” Gundham hid the lower half of his face in his scarf as he spoke.</p><p>‘Unable to traverse’? Wait, did he mean-</p><p>“You can’t swim?” Soda was sure he was misunderstanding.</p><p>What little Soda could see of Gundham’s face turned red.</p><p>“As I said, it is quite shameful. That is why I ventured here this dark night; I wish to overcome my weakness, so that I may partake when next I am bade to an aquatic ritual.” Gundham sighed “However, it is proving quite difficult.”</p><p>So he was trying to teach himself to swim? So that he could hang out with everyone next time they wanted to play in the ocean? That was… pretty cute.</p><p>“I could teach you.” Soda had spent some time checking out a busty swim instructor at a pool one summer, he figured he probably picked something up.</p><p>“You would aid me in this?”</p><p>Soda’s heart skipped a beat when Gundham spoke <em>that</em> word, and he knew he was blushing. He told his dick to shut up for a minute so he could help his friend.</p><p>“Course, I don’t mind. I missed you at the beach today anyways, so it’d be cool if you came next time.” Soda scratched his face and tried not to think too much about Gundham 'coming'. “You wanna do this now or?”</p><p>“It was my intention to begin my training tonight. Does this suit you?”</p><p>“Sure, I could go for another swim.” He smiled at Gundham. Gundham smiled at him.</p><p>“Thank you, my dearest-”</p><p>A loud laugh could be heard coming from the direction of their cabins. Apparently their friends were returning from the other island. Soda saw the embarrassed look on Gundham’s face and realized he probably didn’t want the others to know about his 'weakness'.</p><p>“C’mon, grab your stuff and let’s find somewhere else to do this.” Soda picked up the empty bowl they had been eating from and headed towards the rocky outcrop a little further down the shore. He could hear Gundham just behind him.</p><p>The “beach” on the other side of the hill wasn’t nearly as nice. It was essentially just a small patch of sand, surrounded by the rocky outcrop so you couldn’t enjoy the cool sea breeze during the day. But that also meant it was relatively isolated from the rest of the island and they wouldn’t have to worry about the others catching them here.</p><p><em>Swimming</em>, they wouldn’t have to worry about the others catching them <em>swimming </em>here.</p><p>Gundham spread out his towel again and Soda bent over to set the bowl down next to it. When he straightened out, Gundham was behind him, staring. There was a moment of awkwardness between them.</p><p>“Uh, I guess we should get started then?” Soda laughed awkwardly and gestured towards the water, what was with this atmosphere?</p><p>“Yes, you are right.” Gundham removed his scarf, turned, and walked towards the ocean. Was Soda imagining it or did Gundham look a little… disappointed?</p><p>Weird.</p><p>Soda followed him into the water. The sun had set like an hour ago, but it was still plenty warm out and the coolness of the water was nice. Soda waded out until the water was at his waist, before diving forwards and enjoying the feeling of being submerged for a moment. When he resurfaced he found Gundham staring at him with a worried expression.</p><p>“Don’t worry dude, it’s not even that deep here. If you think you’re gonna go under all ya gotta do is stand up.” Soda reached out and gave him a reassuring pat on the arm. Wow, he always forgot that Gundham was actually kinda jacked. His biceps were-</p><p>A topic for another time when he wasn’t trying to help his friend learn how to swim.</p><p>“Ok so, uh, I guess we should just start with floating? Or do you know how to do that already?”</p><p>Gundham looked apprehensively at the water and shook his head.</p><p>“No worries man, just like, lay back and let the water catch you.” Soda demonstrated, then righted himself. “See? Easy. Your turn.”</p><p>Gundham slowly laid back, then promptly sunk below the water. Oops. Not easy apparently.</p><p>Gundham re-emerged, blushing and gasping. He turned his gaze to the shore.</p><p>“Perhaps-”</p><p>“Don’t worry about it dude, that was my bad.” He wasn’t going to let Gundham give up that easily. “Try it again, I’ll help you stay up this time.” Soda moved next to Gundham and put his hands out to catch him. “Just lay back again, I won’t let you go under, trust me.”</p><p>Gundham took a deep breath before laying back again. Once he was on his back Soda could tell his hands were the only thing keeping Gundham above water.</p><p>“Ok, so now you gotta just, kinda, spread your arms and legs.” He though back to the swim instructor, “Like a starfish.” Gundham complied and Soda felt the weight on his palms lessen. Almost there.</p><p>“K’ now you just gotta relax.” Gundham gave him an uneasy look. “C’mon, just like, take some deep breaths and close your eyes. I’m here dude, it’ll be fine.”</p><p>With a heavy sigh Gundham closed his eyes. He began taking deep breaths and Soda could feel the tension slowly leaving his body.</p><p>Soda felt kind of proud of him. This was probably pretty tough for Gundham, opening up and trusting another person with something he was so embarrassed about like this. Soda wasn’t sure if he’d be able to do the same thing in his place.</p><p>Looking down at Gundham, Soda felt his heart beat a little faster. His face looked almost peaceful and his hair was messy. Apparently whatever product Gundham used to style his hair wasn’t waterproof. Soda let his gaze wander to the rise and fall of Gundham’s chest. He swallowed. Gundham had really nice pecs. And great abs. And thighs. And from what he remembered-</p><p>No, bad dick, helping Gundham comes first.</p><p>But maybe Gundham wouldn’t mind some help from his dick too?</p><p>“Is my form off?”</p><p>“W-what.” Gundham had opened his eyes at some point.</p><p>“I feel as though I am properly ‘floating’ now, but you seem to be examining my form quite closely. Am I doing something incorrectly?”</p><p>“Oh, no. You’re doing great. I was just…” Thinking about your dick. “Uh, anyways, why don’t we try a front float now?”</p><p>Soda waited until Gundham was standing and demonstrated floating on his stomach.</p><p>“So same deal as before, I’ll hold you up, so just focus on letting your body relax.”</p><p>Gundham lay forward, with much less apprehension than before, and Soda placed a hand on his stomach to support him.</p><p>God, Gundham’s abs. Soda couldn’t help but rub his hand over them a little, pretending he was adjusting his grip. Yeah, he was trying to focus on helping Gundham, but it was okay to be a little turned on right? Staring at Gundham’s back muscles wasn’t really helping the situation either. Why was Gundham in such good shape? Was training animals really that much work?</p><p>Focus Soda.</p><p>“You alright Gundham? Ready to try actually moving a bit?”</p><p>He felt Gundham tense up a bit, but he nodded anyways.</p><p>“Ok, I’ll keep holding you up for now so don’t worry. Just try kicking your legs a bit.”</p><p>–</p><p>Soda wasn’t sure how long they had been out there. He just knew Gundham was now able to do a passable breast stroke and that he had lost track of how many times he had blanked out just staring at Gundham’s body. He did know he had been caught more than once though. And that he had caught Gundham doing the same to him at least twice.</p><p>Gundham definitely didn’t need Soda to hold him up while he floated anymore, but he asked to do it again anyways, saying he wanted to focus on his form. Soda obliged, and Gundham didn’t ask why he placed one hand under his thigh this time, didn’t ask when Soda began to lightly squeeze and rub. Soda didn’t mention the quiet moan that escaped Gundham’s lips when he moved his hand to his ass, didn’t mention the growing bulge in Gundham’s trunks, just moved closer so Gundham could feel the matching one in his. Gundham didn’t stop him, instead he just stood, slowly, and pulled Soda in by his hips.</p><p>“Aid me.” Gundham pressed his cock into Soda’s hip, and breathed against his ear. “Please.”</p><p>Soda didn’t even have time to think about the way that word had gone straight to his dick. He grabbed Gundham’ hand and headed for shore.</p><p>He sat on Gundham’s towel, only to be pushed onto his back a second later. Gundham kneeled between his thighs and cradled his cheek.</p><p>“My sweet companion.” He whispered before ducking his head and kissing down Soda’s neck. Soda bucked his hips a little and slid a hand into Gundham’s hair.</p><p>“Fuuck, Gundham.” He moaned his name and bucked his hips again, the angle wasn’t right, he wasn’t getting the friction he wanted. He let out a frustrated groan.</p><p>Gundham must have understood what he wanted though. He slid his hands down Soda’s body and grabbed him by the hips, lifting them and pulling them flush with his own. Gundham lightly bit down on his shoulder and began thrusting against him. It wasn’t perfect, their cocks weren’t quite lined up right, but the friction caused by their swim shorts rubbing against each other as Gundham moved was still maddening.</p><p>“A-ah… my dearest… I- hah.” Gundham was moving quickly, nipping and licking at Soda’s neck and shoulders as he drove his hips forward. He was quietly moaning, his grip on Soda’s hips began to tighten, and his thrusts were growing stronger as he pulled Soda against him. He looked like he was already about to cum.</p><p>Gundham must have already been pretty turned on if he was getting close that fast. As hot as that was, Soda wasn’t ready for this to be over so quickly. He remembered he still needed to make Gundham scream.</p><p>“Gundham- ah- wait.” He ran a hand down Gundham’s back and squeezed his ass. Gundham slowed his thrusts and looked up at him with concern. Soda smiled back at him. “What’s the rush? Lets slow things down a little.”</p><p>Gundham swallowed and stopped moving his hips. “Ah, my dark consort, I apologize. I was-” Gundham slid a hand back up to Soda’s cheek “<em>Overcome.”</em></p><p>Soda shivered at the word. He didn’t think he had ever heard that tone in Gundham’s voice before. And ‘dark consort’ was new too, wasn’t it?</p><p>He wasn’t here to analyze Gundham’s speech though.</p><p>Soda squeezed Gundham’s ass again and moved his hands up to his chest, shoving slightly. Gundham got the hint and leaned back, only for Soda to follow him up. He placed his hands on Gundham’s shoulders and pushed him back until he was sitting so Soda could straddle his hips. Soda had planned to take the initiative, but Gundham didn’t give him time to.</p><p>Gundham’s hand found Soda’s hip, rubbing slightly before slipping onto his ass and kneading. He ran his other hand up Soda’s chest, teasing a nipple with his thumb before replacing it with his mouth. Soda gasped and tightened his grip on Gundham’s shoulders. He had thought about sucking on girls’ tits before, but he never realized it would feel so good to have someone do it to him.</p><p>“Shit, Gundham.” He ground his hips down into Gundham’s. Gundham hummed in response, his deep voice resonating through Soda’s chest as he switched his attention to his other nipple.</p><p>Soda started grinding in earnest, enjoying the way he could <em>feel</em> Gundham’s breath catch against his skin. He reached down to free his cock from his shorts, then moved to do the same for Gundham. He couldn’t really see with Gundham still mouthing at his chest, so he did a bit of feeling around first instead. He traced Gundham’s abs with his fingers and used them as a guide down to Gundham’s cock. God, he forgot how big it was. He rubbed it through his shorts before finally freeing it. He couldn’t help it, he pushed Gundham back a bit so he could see his cock properly.</p><p>No fucking wonder he had sucked Gundham off in the beach house. His cock was just so… <em>appetizing</em>. He could literally feel himself salivating at the sight of it. He remembered how thick and warm and heavy it had been in his mouth last time. He wanted that again. He wanted it and he wondered if it would feel just as good in his ass.</p><p>His dick twitched but his mind froze. He probably wasn’t ready for that.</p><p>Yet.</p><p>Gundham was watching him. Waiting.</p><p>“What do you desire my consort?” There was that hand on his cheek again. He looked from Gundham’s cock to his face, his beautiful, flushed face. Gundham licked his lips. Soda followed the movement of his tongue with his eyes, and found himself focusing on Gundham’s mouth.</p><p>Fuck, he kind of wanted to kiss him.</p><p>Was that allowed? They had never really laid down any ground rules for their… relationship? No. Pact. That’s what Gundham had called it, and it was probably safest to just keep calling it that. Nice and vague. Obviously getting each other off was the main thing with their ‘pact’, they were just two bros helping each other relieve some tension, right? Did that make them fuck-buddies? Did people kiss their fuck-buddies? He’s pretty sure they did in movies, but then they always ended up falling in love, and he didn’t want that.</p><p>Right?</p><p>“Dearest consort?” Oops, guess he had been spacing out.</p><p>“Sorry, it’s just-” Probably best to just ask if they could kiss right? “I was um, t-thinking about your tongue? And like, uh, y-your lips? Um- sorry.” or not. He had sucked this mans dick but somehow thinking about kissing him was turning him into a stuttering mess.</p><p>“Mmm, fret not, my consort, I understand.” Gundham gave him one of those soft smiles that did things to his heart and slid a hand down Soda’s neck, the back up, resting it on the back of his head.</p><p>Oh shit, okay. Here goes nothing then.</p><p>Gundham brought his other hand up to Soda’s chest and pushed him backwards. They ended up in the same position they had started in, only now with their cocks out and Soda’s legs spread wide. He wasn’t sure why they had to be in this position to kiss, but he wasn’t about to complain. He was all too aware how easy it would be for Gundham to fuck him in this position, and he was too distracted by how turned on that thought made him to notice Gundham was currently moving <em>away</em> from his lips.</p><p>Gundham was kissing his chest again, pausing to lick one of his nipples and give it a light suck before moving his head lower.</p><p>Oh.</p><p>No kissing then.</p><p>Soda felt… complicated. And complicated could probably wait.</p><p>The lips on his stomach reminded him he was about to get blown, and the hand wrapping around his dick reminded him that he was horny as hell.</p><p>Yeah, complicated could <em>definitely</em> wait.</p><p>Gundham was just barely pumping Soda’s dick. <em>Teasing</em>, Soda realized, getting him extra excited for the main event. Gundham kissed just below his belly button, then pulled away, making Soda whine. Gundham smiled and shushed him, pulling Soda’s swim trunks all the way off and moving back to where he had been, punctuating his action with another kiss below Soda’s belly button and a squeeze of his dick.</p><p>Gundham resumed his downward path, planting more kisses on Soda’s abdomen, each one getting just a little bit closer to his cock. Then, right when Soda thought there wasn’t anywhere else for Gundham to kiss, he lifted one of Soda’s legs and began to kiss along his thigh instead.</p><p><em>More</em> teasing?</p><p>Soda couldn’t stand it.</p><p>He loved it.</p><p>He let out a frustrated moan. Gundham laughed and hummed into his thigh, then bit down gently. Soda couldn’t stop his hips from bucking a little, up into the barely moving hand Gundham still had on his dick. The friction felt good, so he did it again. Gundham used the hand he had lifted Soda’s leg with to hold his hip still and switched his attention to his other thigh. Soda couldn’t take it anymore.</p><p>“Gundham please! Stop teasing!”</p><p>“Were you not the one who said we should ‘slow things down’?” Gundham laughed against the spot where his thigh met his groin. Soda loved it and hated it.</p><p>“Y-yeah but c’mon, isn’t this a little too slow?”</p><p>“Mmm." Another deep laugh. "Then if that is your desire.”</p><p>Gundham <em>finally</em> put his mouth on Soda’s cock.</p><p>He kissed the tip gently before running his lips down the side and licking his way back up. Then he opened his mouth and <em>sucked.</em></p><p>“Ah! Gundham!” Soda couldn’t believe how good it felt. Gundham took more of his cock into his mouth and began to bob his head. Soda’s head shot back, and he felt like he was going to die from pleasure.</p><p>Gundham’s mouth was wet and warm and <em>tight</em> around his cock, and his tongue kept working along his shaft, making him feel things he could hardly describe. Soda knew he was moaning Gundham’s name, over and over, but he couldn’t stop. Every time Gundham pulled back he sucked hard on Soda’s cock and the only thing stopping Soda from thrusting up into Gundham’s mouth was that strong hand on his hip. He didn’t know where the hand on his thigh had gone, he couldn’t focus long enough to find it. He reached for the one on his hip and covered it with his own. Gundham moaned around his cock and laced his fingers through Soda’s, shifting so he could use his forearm to keep Soda’s hips pinned in place instead.</p><p>He was going to cum. He squeezed Gundham’s hand and looked down at him, trying to get his attention, trying to warn him in case he didn’t want Soda cumming in his mouth.</p><p>But the second he saw Gundham’s face, lips wrapped around his cock, eyes locked with his, and flushed the same way it had been when Soda had been sucking <em>his</em> cock, it was over. His hips were bucking against Gundham’s arm and he was cumming down his throat, his name on his lips. He could <em>feel</em> more than hear Gundham moaning around his cock, and the vibrations kept him at in ecstasy for just a little longer, before becoming to be to much for his sensitive cock.</p><p>“Gundham, please, it’s too much.” Gundham moaned again and pulled off his cock. He went back to Soda’s thighs, no longer gently kissing and teasing, but sucking and biting. Soda was vaguely aware of Gundham’s shoulder shifting rapidly.</p><p>“S-soda!” He squeezed Soda’s hand and buried his face into the crook of his thigh. He was so taken aback by Gundham actually calling him ‘Soda’ that it took him a moment to realize Gundham was cumming.</p><p>Oh, so that’s where that hand went.</p><p>Gundham kept his face pressed into Soda’s thigh for a moment, panting, before kissing it for a final time and crawling back up Soda’s body, releasing his hand only long enough to unhook his arm from around Soda’s leg before intertwining their fingers once again.</p><p>“You know I could have, uh, done that for you.” Wasn’t the whole idea of the pact thing to get <em>each other</em> off anyway?</p><p>“I’m sorry, my dear companion.” Gundham raised their clasped hands to his lips and kissed Soda’s fingers. “I simply could not resist. Between how beautiful you appeared in your ecstasy and how sweetly you were calling my name-” Gundham sighed and smiled, looking into Soda’s eyes “I was bewitched.” He twisted their hands to kiss Soda’s knuckles without looking away.</p><p>It made Soda blush harder than anything else they had done.</p><p>That complicated feeling was coming back.</p><p>He never asked if it was alright to kiss him. He still hadn’t made Gundham scream.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Fellas, is it gay to hold your friend's hand while he moans your name and cums in your mouth?</p><p> </p><p>Boy this chapter was a tough one. I re-started is twice and rewrote some of the scenes so many times I lost count. I'm still not sure I'm completely happy with it, but I'm trying not to get too caught up in making everything perfect, otherwise this thing will never be finished.</p><p>Anyways, Y’all uh… remember that FTE where casually mentions his dad beating the crap out of him? Or that whole thing about him having trust issues? Those may have influenced Soda's behavior in this chapter a bit.</p><p>Also I keep wanting to talk about what's going on on Gundham's side in these notes but I don't want to ruin the story. OTL<br/>Just know that I am suffering.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Soda tries incredibly hard to ignore everything his heart is telling him by listening to his dick instead.</p><p>Soda has a dream and goes shopping. Gundham makes him eat breakfast.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It's amazing the things we tell ourselves when we aren't ready to hear the truth.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Soda felt like his chest was going to burst. He felt like he was going to throw-up.</p><p>He unclasped his hand from Gundham’s.</p><p>“H-hey, we should probably clean up and head back.” He couldn’t look at him. He pulled up his shorts and stood.</p><p>He picked up the bowl. His heart wouldn’t stop hammering.</p><p>He stood frozen there, holding the bowl and taking deep unsteady breaths.</p><p>A hand on his shoulder. He flinched.</p><p>“Kazuichi?” Gundham sounded concerned. Genuinely concerned.</p><p><em>About him</em>.</p><p>“I’m good dude. Let’s just… go back.” Shit, he was being rude. He looked up at Gundham and forced a smile “I mean, you’ve been up since yesterday right? Don’t wanna push you…”</p><p>Gundham smiled softly. Soda felt happy. Soda felt disgusted.</p><p>“I slumbered while you were at the beach with our companions.” Gundham took a step towards him. “I have more than enough energy for the rest of the night.” A hand on his hip. Soda looked away. “You, however, seem somewhat… drained. Let us retire then.”</p><p>Soda watched as Gundham retrieved his towel and scarf. He wanted to hold him. He wanted to be held.</p><p>They returned to the hotel grounds.</p><p>Soda wanted to be alone.</p><p>When he turned to say goodbye to Gundham, he found him, once again, standing so, <em>so</em> close.</p><p>Gundham raised a hand to his face and stroked his cheek. “Sleep well, my paramour.” He lifted Soda’s hand and kissed his knuckles once more.</p><p>Gundham smiled softly and left.</p><p>Soda didn’t want to be alone.</p><p>He closed the door behind him as he walked into his cabin and slid to the ground.</p><p>He lifted his hand to his mouth as he thought of Gundham’s. His lips so soft and gentle on his knuckles, warm and tender on his neck, sly and teasing on his chest, and wet and hot on his cock.</p><p>He was getting turned on again.</p><p>Soda sighed and dragged himself to bed.</p><p>He fell into a fitful sleep wondering what those lips would feel like on his own.</p><p>–</p><p>He felt like he was floating. His body was hot, and he was so god damned turned on.</p><p>Gundham’s hands were hot on his hips, pulling him close and holding him still. Soda thought he was whispering something into his ear, but he couldn’t be sure. He couldn’t hear over his own cries of Gundham’s name.</p><p>Soda could feel Gundham’s body sliding against his own as he thrust into him.</p><p>He didn’t know what it felt like. It felt amazing. He checked the window of the beach house to make sure no one was watching.</p><p>Gundham was kissing his neck the way he had been on the beach, biting now and then and making Soda gasp. His thrusts were slow and shallow, hardly pulling his hips away from Sodas ass before pressing them flush again.</p><p>Soda might have been crying, he didn’t really know. His chest felt tight. He wanted to kiss Gundham.</p><p>Gundham’s lips were soft, gentle. Loving.</p><p>Soda wasn’t sure if he wanted that.</p><p>The lips on his were quick, greedy, and hot, and soon they were joined by an equally hot tongue.</p><p>The sand was cold.</p><p>Gundham fucked into him faster and bit his lip. Soda felt amazing. Soda felt guilty. He let the guilt be washed away by Gundham relentlessly pounding into him.</p><p>He knew he was crying. He felt so good. He felt awful.</p><p>“Don’t stop! Don’t leave!”</p><p>Gundham kissed his knuckles.</p><p>Soda woke up.</p><p>–</p><p>He was in his bed in his cabin, <em>not </em>in the beach house and not on the beach. And he was alone.</p><p>His heart was racing, and his dick was hard.</p><p>Jesus.</p><p>He sat up, put his head in his hands and tried to stop thinking about his dream. He’d had all kinds of sexy dreams before, and he’d woken up hard nearly as many times as he had woken up with a sticky mess in his pants. Hell, this wasn’t even the first time he had dreamt of a guy.</p><p>But he’d never woken up feeling so rattled.</p><p>His heart was still hammering away in his chest as he tried to make sense of that.</p><p>It couldn’t have been the kissing, he usually kissed the people he fucked in his dreams so…</p><p>His thoughts filled with the fading images of Gundham fucking him, his dick took interested, he remembered the feeling of Gundham’s lips, and his heart beat impossibly faster.</p><p>Oh.</p><p>It must have been the whole <em>getting </em>fucked thing. Had he dreamt of that before? Probably not right?</p><p>Soda exhaled shakily. Yeah, it was definitely the thought of getting fucked that was affecting him so much. His brain was getting caught up on it because he had no frame of reference for it, he had never had a dick or anything in his ass, duh, so he was just shaken up cus like, uh-</p><p>What <em>would</em> it feel like to have something in his ass? It was really good in his dream, but there was no way if would feel that way for real.</p><p>Right?</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>He couldn’t stop thinking about it. Maybe it really did feel amazing, there were lots of people who were, like, super into anal, so at the very least it couldn’t be <em>bad.</em> Plus, that was where the G-spot was supposed to be on dudes, right? So…</p><p>He was going to need lube if he actually wanted to try this. He glanced over to a toolbox that he knew had a bottle of oil inside it. That would probably work.</p><p>But what if it didn’t? What if he got, like, oil-poisoning or something and had to explain to some doctor why exactly he had been putting it up his ass.</p><p>
  <em>“Well ya see doc, I had a dream about this really hot dude and-“</em>
</p><p>Nope. That was not fucking happening.</p><p>The supermarket here had condoms; he had been checking the place out on the first day they had arrived, and had totally not felt flustered at all when he saw them just casually sitting in one of the aisles. He didn’t need condoms (shit, <em>did</em> he need condoms?) but if they had lube, that’s probably where it’d be, right?</p><p>He glanced at the clock. Everyone would be eating breakfast right now. If he wanted to do this without getting caught, now would be his best shot.</p><p>He got dressed and hid his boner as best he could, promising his dick if it could just chill for now, he’d be sure to give it plenty of attention later. The thought did not help his dick chill. Whatever.</p><p>He stepped out of his cabin and looked around in a totally unsuspicious way to make sure none of his classmates were around before heading for the supermarket.</p><p> –</p><p>How had he even made it this far without dying of embarrassment? He knew his face was bright red as he stared at the little shelf where he had seen the condoms on the first day. Yup, still lots of condoms. He couldn’t help but gawk at a box labeled ‘XXXL’, and remember that Gundham was, in fact, quite well hung.</p><p>But XXXL? That had to be a joke, right? No one had a XXXL dick, right? <em>Right?</em></p><p>Focus dumbass.</p><p>He shifted his gaze to the selection of lube. There were more bottles than he thought there'd be. Really, he had kinda just pictured there being one generic looking bottle labeled ‘lube’ that he could just grab and leave, but no, apparently there were <em>options</em>.</p><p>He fucking choked when he saw that one was banana flavored.</p><p>Well, at least that gets rid of one option. He quickly scanned them and ruled out anything with a flavor or an obnoxious color and settled on one that seemed pretty inconspicuous.</p><p>Like, it still said ‘Personal Lubricant’ in big ass letters across the bottle, but whatever.</p><p>He grabbed a pack on non-XXXL condoms for good measure and exited the aisle.</p><p>“Hm? Soda?”</p><p>This creepy fucking guy again.</p><p>Soda shoved the condoms in his pocket and moved to hide the lube behind his back in a totally subtle way.</p><p>“Oh what’s this?” Nagito reached out and plucked the lube from Soda’s hand. “Oh my. Could this have anything to do with what I overheard last night?” Nagito’s face was neutral and friendly, but there was definitely something weird in his eyes.</p><p>Shit. Right, Nagito had overheard him offering to ‘aid’ Gundham. Had he really figured out what that meant so easily? No way. It was probably just a lucky guess, which meant Soda could still get out of this situation by lying his ass off.</p><p>“W-what? No idea what you’re talkin’ bout dude.” Totally believable. He was a pro at lying. “Just needed some lubricant for the, uh, thing I’m working on. Like, obviously <em>this</em> isn’t the type I’d usually use, but they don’t have a, like, automotive section here or anything so I figured this would probably work well enough.” That should be convincing enough, Nagito probably didn’t know shit about what Soda did so there’s no way he could know for sure if he was lying. He forced a laugh and took the lube from Nagito’s hands. “Anyways, gotta get back to it.” He shot Nagito some finger guns and pushed past him to leave.</p><p>He was sure he was just being paranoid and imagining things when he heard Nagito mumble something that sounded like ‘Gundham’ before laughing creepily behind him.</p><p>
  <em>Fuuuck.</em>
</p><p>He ran back to his cabin. If anyone saw he’d just make up an excuse later. There was literally no way Nagito could <em>actually</em> know what him and Gundham had been doing last night, right? He must have just been fucking with him, that’s what that guy was all about. He was just looking to get a rise out of Soda by saying weird shit.</p><p>Right?</p><p>Soda set the lube on his side table and laid facedown on his bed. Shit. Why had Nagito even been at the supermarket? Everyone should have been at breakfast still. Had Nagito been looking for him? No way. There were only like two people who might have cared that much that he missed breakfast: Hajime and…</p><p>He turned his head to stare at the lube.</p><p>This was all Gundham’s fault. Stupid, sexy Gundham, making him have stupid, sexy dreams, and giving him stupid, sexy thoughts.</p><p>He thought about Gundham’s cock in his ass. He thought about Gundham’s lips on his.</p><p>He reached for the lube.</p><p>There was a knock on the door.</p><p>His heart jumped and he stood up.</p><p>“Y-yeah, one second.” He adjusted his dick, which was thankfully only at half-mast, and answered the door.</p><p>Speak of the stupid, sexy devil.</p><p>“Is everything well, my companion? You were absent from this mornings meal, and I feared you had caught ill.” Gundham gently placed the back of his hand on Soda’s, admittedly heated, forehead.</p><p>“O-oh, nah, I’m good. I just needed- uh, I went to the supermarket to get- like, I just needed… stuff. Mechanic stuff. Cus I’m a mechanic. Ha.” Smooth. “Anyway, I guess I just, uh, forgot about breakfast?”</p><p>Gundham squinted at Soda and examined his face for a moment.</p><p>“Was your slumber troubled? You have the markings of one who’s rest was interrupted.”</p><p>Great, he must be rocking some pretty serious eyebags if Gundham was so concerned.</p><p>“Ah, it’s nothing. Just one of those nights, y’know?” One of those nights where you dream about your bro kissing you and fucking you senseless, y’know? One of those nights where you wake up so damn <em>affected </em>by the thought of your friend plowing your ass that you need to immediately go buy some lube and test out the real thing ASAP, y’know?</p><p>Yup, just one of those totally normal nights.</p><p>Speaking of, Soda remembered that the lube was still sitting on his side table, entirely visible from the door. Better get Gundham out of here before he notices…</p><p>
  <em>Or?</em>
</p><p>“If you were not suffering from some affliction then you should have joined us to break your fast. It is important for mortals-”</p><p>Gundham was lecturing him about the importance of breakfast. But Soda was too busy watching his lips to listen. Or at least he was, until Gundham began accentuating his speech with flourishes of his hands and Soda found a new place to focus his attention.</p><p>Gundham’s fingers were slender and long, and, from what Soda could remember, they were <em>strong.</em> Maybe he could just… ask Gundham to help him figure out the whole ‘does it actually feel good to have stuff in your ass’ thing. He’d probably do it right? He’d probably be more than happy to help Soda out with those wonderful fingers of his, and he’d probably enjoy it just as much as Soda would…</p><p>But what if Soda <em>didn’t</em> like it? Like what if he created this whole sexy mood and then once things started getting hot and heavy he just, like, wasn’t into it? Would Gundham get mad? If Soda asked him to stick his fingers in his ass, then Gundham would probably… <em>god</em>, he’d probably assume that meant they were gonna fuck after, so if Soda changed his mind, he couldn’t even blame Gundham for getting pissed. You can’t just blue-ball a guy like that and expect him to be okay with it…</p><p>Ok, so he should probably just keep the lube for a solo session.</p><p>He forced himself to focus on what Gundham was saying again. Still talking about breakfast, good.</p><p>“Okay, okay. I get it Gundham.” He raised his hands in defeat. “Let’s go get me some breakfast before I die of no-breakfast-itis or whatever.”</p><p>Gundham looked like he was debating calling Soda out for obviously not listening to whatever he had been saying about the importance of breakfast, but he simply followed Soda to the hotel restaurant instead.</p><p>It felt a little weird to find the restaurant empty. Soda never really came here outside of the group’s regular meal times, so he was used to it being full of activity and noise. Now it was so quiet he could hear the ocean waves in the distance, and he thought to himself that it actually wouldn’t be a bad place to take a girl on a date.</p><p>Soda found some cereal and a bagel to eat, then took his spot at the big table they all normally ate at. Gundham took his seat beside him, as usual. Wait, was it as usual? Did they usually sit this close? Gundham’s knee was touching his. Nope, pretty sure that was new.</p><p>Gundham began talking about the Deva’s. Soda thought he caught something about how Jum-P was doing well, and he was pretty sure he managed to say he was glad, but mostly he was just certain that he really liked the hand Gundham had rested on his lower back.</p><p>He was smiling while eating, and he had to actively remind himself to close his mouth all the way while he chewed. He watched Gundham between bites of his breakfast. He looked happy as well.</p><p>Soda let himself enjoy his surprisingly good mood, he felt like he had been stressing so much lately. What had he even been so worked up about? Sitting like this, chatting about nothing with Gundham’s arm around him, just felt <em>nice.</em> He felt <em>calm</em>. He felt <em>happy.</em></p><p>He laughed at something Gundham said and bumped his head against his shoulder, letting himself just stay there for a moment. He wrapped an arm around Gundham’s back and gave a little squeeze, sighing and just taking a moment, before laughing again as he returned to his previous position to finish eating.</p><p>That had felt so nice. Why didn’t he hug his friends more? He looked to Gundham to make sure it hadn’t weirded him out or anything. He was rewarded with one of those soft little smiles he loved so much, proving his friend had enjoyed it just as much.</p><p>Gundham… was his <em>friend</em>, right?</p><p>His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone coming up the stairs.</p><p>It felt like a bubble popped. Suddenly his stomach dropped, and he moved his knee away from Gundham’s. He shifted his shoulders and Gundham seemed to get the hint, removing that warm hand from his back.</p><p>Soda told himself he was glad.</p><p>“Ah, so this is where you were Gundham!”</p><p>That was… Sonia. Soda heart did about six different things at once and he couldn’t tell if he was more excited, scared, or disappointed to see her.</p><p>“Hi Sonia.”</p><p>“Greetings, dark queen.”</p><p>He sounded so pathetic next to Gundham, no wonder Sonia ignored him.</p><p>“Gundham, I wanted to ask you about a creature I saw earlier.” Sonia sat across from them and began to describe some animal. Soda’s head just filled with static.</p><p>He stared at her, still so lovely, still so perfect, and yet, looking at her didn’t make him feel the way it used to. He watched her ignore him and he could feel his heart breaking. Of course she had never like him, what did he have to offer someone like <em>her</em>?</p><p>What did he have to offer anyone?</p><p>He was just some stupid mechanic. His grades were below average, and his family was poor. He wasn’t even attractive or funny or <em>anything</em>. He was just a waste of space, he really couldn’t blame Sonia for ignoring him. Everyone should probably just ignore him. No one actually cared about him. He should just-</p><p>There was a warm hand on his shoulder. Gundham was looking at him questioningly.</p><p>“W-what?”</p><p>“I was asking your opinion, dear friend, the dark queen and I were discussing how enjoyable our trip has been thus far. Do you feel the same?”</p><p>Gundham smiled at him, but there was a bit of concern in his eyes.</p><p>Right.</p><p>Some people did care about him.</p><p>Sonia not caring didn’t mean no one did.</p><p>Sonia wasn’t everything.</p><p>He opened his mouth to tell Gundham that, yeah, despite how confused and anxious he had been recently, he did feel the same.</p><p>“Soda, it is impolite not to answer someone when they ask you a question. You even made Gundham repeat himself, yet you are still ignoring him. You should apologize for being so rude.”</p><p>Something snapped in Soda and he could feel his face turn red.</p><p><em>Sonia</em> wanted <em>him</em> to apologize for <em>ignoring</em> someone?</p><p>He stood abruptly and didn’t look at either of them. He was shaking with how hard he was trying not to shout. He just swallowed and turned from the table.</p><p>“My companion?” Gundham sounded worried now. Soda felt kinda guilty about it, but he just needed to get away before he said something stupid.</p><p>“Sorry.” He muttered as he moved towards the stairs.</p><p>He knew he heard Sonia say something about him having no manners as he left.</p><p>He just walked a little faster. He kept his eyes focused on the ground and his fists clenched all the way back to his cabin.</p><p>He though he would yell when he got there. Yell and maybe break something he’d regret ruining later. But once he closed the door, he just felt tired and sad. He crouched down and pushed the heels of his palms into his eyes to stop himself from crying.</p><p>Yeah, it didn’t work.</p><p>He was sobbing. Crying alone in his room like a pussy, but he could hardly bring himself to care. Why did he even like Sonia? And why did she have to treat him like such shit? It wasn’t like he was actually rude to her, right? Like, sure, sometimes he stared more than he probably should, but was that really so bad? Wasn’t that actually like a compliment? Girls loved guys obsessing over how hot they-</p><p>Oh.</p><p>Soda was an asshole. Of course Sonia hated him. He was just constantly, like, <em>leering</em> at her, wasn’t he? And he was always following her around when she obviously didn’t want him there, and trying to insert himself into her conversations. He just never took the hint that she didn’t like him, huh? No wonder she had just started ignoring him completely.</p><p>Shit. He needed to apologize to her. And then he needed to just… leave her alone. She probably wouldn’t ever like him, but maybe if he left her alone long enough?</p><p>No. If he kept thinking like that then he’d probably just piss her off even more.</p><p>Still, it wasn’t like she <em>had</em> to treat Soda so badly. Like, she could have just told him off instead, it would have hurt less.</p><p>Ok, well, in her defense, confronting someone like that <em>was</em> pretty hard, so really, it was probably entirely Soda’s fault for not realizing what a jackass he was being earlier.</p><p>He let out a deep, shaky breath, and was surprised to find he actually felt a little better.</p><p>Huh. He didn’t think admitting he had been wrong would have felt so… relieving?</p><p>He got up and sat on his bed so he could stop crouching in the middle of his room like a crazy person. He rubbed the dried tears from his cheeks and let himself just breathe for a while. It wasn’t like he was over Sonia, but he was ready to accept that it probably wouldn’t have been the best relationship for either of them…</p><p>It was probably thanks to Gundham that he was finally able to realize that. Now that he wasn’t so damn sexually frustrated, he was finally able to see things a little more clearly. Well, maybe it wasn’t <em>just</em> the sex that had helped. He thought back to the way he had felt before Sonia had shown up to crash his breakfast with Gundham. Gundham just made him feel like… like maybe he wasn’t the failure everyone thought he was.</p><p>But the sex was pretty damn good too, even if it wasn’t, like, <em>sex </em>sex…</p><p>Soda glanced at the bottle that was still sitting on his side table.</p><p>
  <em>Yet.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Fellas, is it gay to want your bro to put his dick in your ass and kiss you until you can't think anymore?</p><p> </p><p>Welp, we're coming up on the part where Soda's gonna have to address some of his internalized homophobia/biphobia, so strap in for that...</p><p>Oh but don't worry, it's gonna get a horny again before it gets to that.</p><p>Also just wanted to point it out, cus I feel like I was maybe a little harsh on Sonia in this chapter: I don't like the way she treats Soda in the games, but I also don't like the way he treats her. And it’s not that I don’t ship Sonia and Soda at all, but I really only ship them in the context that they’ve both done a lot of growing and have learned how to not treat each other so badly…</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Soda is learning all kinds of new things about himself.</p><p>Soda does a lot of thinking, mostly about Gundham.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You can't have the highs without the lows.</p><p>CW: homophobia</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ok, it was time to fucking do this.</p><p>Soda grabbed the bottle of lube, unzipped his coveralls, and-</p><p>Realized he should probably take it slow.</p><p>He put the lube back where it had been. It was probably best to, like, get into it first, before he started trying new things.</p><p>He sighed and laid back on his pillows, closing his eyes and letting his mind wander. He thought of his dream, the one that had made him want to buy lube in the first place. He honestly didn’t remember what having a dick in his ass had felt like in it, he just remembered his brain telling him it felt good.</p><p>His heart beat a little faster and his dick was starting to get hard.</p><p>He remembered Gundham kissing him, in the dream, remembered how it had been so gentle to start, before everything had shifted and Gundham had started basically fucking his mouth with his tongue. Honestly, both sounded so fucking good, and Soda brought his hand up to lightly stroke his clothed cock.</p><p>He was starting to get kind of warm. Should probably get some layers off.</p><p>Soda pulled off his beanie and let if fall to the floor as he pulled his arms out of his sleeves and worked the rest if his body free from his coveralls. He threw them off the bed, quickly followed by his tank top, and laid back down, now just in his underwear.</p><p>He looked down at the growing bulge in his boxers and gave it a light squeeze before dipping his hand below his waistband. He wrapped his hand around his hardening cock and remembered the way Gundham had teased him on the beach. Just barely touching his cock while kissing and biting at his thighs and stomach. Soda used his free hand to pinch his inner thigh and let out a sigh from how good it felt.</p><p>
  <em>But Gundham’s mouth had felt better.</em>
</p><p>He took off his boxers and shifted a little, bending his knees up and parting his legs to imitate the position he had been in on the beach. He remembered how hot he felt when Gundham had pushed him onto his back like this, how the thought of Gundham fucking him had passed through his mind at that moment, before he realized Gundham was about to suck his dick instead of-</p><p>Right. He had thought Gundham was going to kiss him. He bit his lip and sucked on it a little.</p><p>Gundham had sucked his cock instead. Soda bucked into his hand a little as he remembered how good it had felt once he had finally gotten Gundham’s mouth on him. He began pumping his hand as he thought about how good it had felt when he had <em>his</em> mouth on <em>Gundham’s</em> cock.</p><p>He pressed his lips together to muffle a moan.</p><p>Gundham had a nice fucking cock. It was long and <em>thick</em> and had had a satisfying weight to it in Soda’s mouth. He remembered his dream and hoped it would feel just as good in his ass.</p><p>He gave his own cock a squeeze as he reached for the lube. He was fully hard now, and if he waited much longer, he’d probably just forget the whole thing and jack-off like normal.</p><p>He continued slowly stroking his dick as he brought the bottle in front of his face, he felt stupid looking for instructions, but he had literally no idea how much he was supposed to use. Probably like, a lot, right?</p><p>
  <em>“Use a few drops and-"</em>
</p><p>Fuck you lube bottle, what the hell do you know anyways? Soda was gonna use as much lube as he god damned pleased, and there was nothing some dumbass bottle could do to stop him.</p><p>He removed his hand from his cock to open the bottle and squirted a few drops, <em>for now</em>, onto his fingers. He rubbed his thumb through it, taking some time to marvel at just <em>how</em> slick it was on his fingers. It would probably feel pretty fucking good on his dick too.</p><p>He couldn’t help it, he lowered his lubed up fingers to his dick and gave it an experimental stroke.</p><p>Fuck. Yesss.</p><p>God, even if he ended up not liking ass stuff, he was keeping the lube. Like, he had used lotion to jack off before, and maybe it was just a mental thing, but the lube just made the glide of his hand on his cock feel <em>so</em> smooth and <em>so </em>good.</p><p>Shit. Right. Not here to just jack-off.</p><p>Soda forced himself to stop and apply a few <em>more</em> drops to his fingertips.</p><p>Ok, he could do this.</p><p>He lowered his hand, letting it slide down his hip and <em>past</em> his cock. He stroked his balls with his thumb and pressed two fingers to the flat bit of skin just behind his sack, before slowly letting them drift lower.</p><p>He gasped. Maybe it was just cus he was so worked up, but he hadn’t thought just <em>touching</em> his asshole would have felt <em>that</em> good. He took his time and just enjoyed the feeling of his slick fingers rubbing around it as his eyes fluttered shut. He used his middle finger press experimentally against his hole, not pushing <em>in</em> yet, but just kind of testing the waters.</p><p>He brought his other hand back to his cock, fucking delighted to find it was still slick from before. He gave himself a few pumps, pulsing his fingers against his ass in time with them, and couldn’t help but moan. Ok, yeah, so far it felt amazing. Thank you sexy dream.</p><p>He let out a breath and reluctantly took his hand away from his ass again. He didn’t care what the bottle said, he wanted to use a little more lube before he got to the actual, like, <em>penetration.</em></p><p>He shivered as he placed his re-lubed fingers back against his ass. He took a deep breath and pushed one in.</p><p>It felt amazing for a second, then kind of uncomfortable the next. He shifted his hips a little and gave his cock a slow pump. Ok, the uncomfortable feeling was leaving, he just needed to let himself relax and get used to it.</p><p>He pushed his finger a little deeper and made sure to stroke his dick as he did. It was definitely starting to feel good again. He was only really up to his second knuckle, but he decided to give it a few experimental thrusts before pushing any deeper.</p><p>After a few thrusts he was panting, it felt so damn good. He stopped pumping his cock for a minute so he could just enjoy the feeling of fingering himself. He pushed in deeper and moaned. Images of Gundham, his hands, his mouth, his <em>cock</em>, flashed through Soda’s mind and he began to thrust his finger faster, biting down on his lip to keep himself from being too loud.</p><p>God, he should have just done this when Gundham had come by this morning, let him finger Soda till he came and then…</p><p>Soda wanted more, he withdrew his finger and pressed back in with two, and <em>fuck</em>, it was so good. He thought of Gundham’s soft smiles and teasing smirks from the beach.</p><p>
  <em>“Stop teasing.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“If that is your desire.”</em>
</p><p>He started pumping his fingers even faster, imagining Gundham above him, kissing and nipping his way across his chest, up his neck and finally, fucking <em>finally</em>, pressing his lips against Soda’s.</p><p>He curled his fingers and nearly came right then. His whole body jolted, and his mind went blank. He knew he had found his prostate, the fabled ‘male G-spot’ and he had to stop everything he was doing for a moment to just breathe.</p><p>Fuck, this was the best idea he’d ever had.</p><p>He slowly curled his fingers again, teasing that same spot and he couldn’t stop himself from rolling his hips down, chasing that feeling. He started thrusting his fingers again and moving the hand on his dick. He knew he wasn’t going to last much longer, but it already felt so good, and he wanted to cum so badly.</p><p>He closed his eyes and Gundham was there again, above him, pumping <em>his</em> fingers into Soda’s ass and stroking his cock.</p><p>
  <em>“My sweet companion.”</em>
</p><p>Soda picked up the pace, getting desperate, rolling his hips up into his fist and back down against his fingers. He wanted Gundham here.</p><p>
  <em>“My paramour.”</em>
</p><p>He wanted Gundham here. He wanted him to hold him, and he wanted him to kiss him, and he wanted him to fuck him, and-</p><p>
  <em>“Dearest consort.”</em>
</p><p>He wanted him to <em>love</em> him.</p><p>Soda came with a shout. His vision went white and he felt wave after wave of pleasure course through him. He could feel himself shaking, his whole body felt like it was on fire, but he couldn’t stop fucking his fingers into himself, milking out every last bit of pleasure he could before his body finally went slack and he was forced to come back down to reality.</p><p>His breathing was shaky.</p><p>What the fuck had he just thought.</p><p>He removed the fingers from his ass and wiped off the lube on the bed sheets.</p><p>What the <em>fuck</em> had he just thought.</p><p>He looked down, he was covered in his own cum.</p><p>What the fuck-</p><p>He got into the shower.</p><p>-had he just-</p><p>He rinsed off his cum and the remaining lube.</p><p>-<em>fucking</em>-</p><p>He pulled on some fresh clothes and got back in bed.</p><p>-<em>thought?</em></p><p>He thought about the first time he had seen two men kiss on tv. Thought about his father’s sneer and the venom filled words he had uttered.</p><p>He stared at the celling.</p><p>He remembered a kid from school. Soda had watched him get his ass kicked while kids yelled those same words at him, laughing.</p><p>He was crying.</p><p>Sex didn’t bother him. He could fuck guys all he wanted, hell, he could even get fucked, that was fine too. As long as it was just physical, it was fine.</p><p>He couldn’t breathe.</p><p>No one really cared who you fucked, no one even needed to <em>know</em> who you fucked. Even if they found out, you could always just tell them that sex is sex. As long as it was just physical, it was fine.</p><p>He wanted to vomit.</p><p>You couldn’t fall in love, that crossed the line. Loving another man was wrong, it was gross, it was <em>depraved</em>.</p><p>He wanted to die<em>.</em></p><p>As long as it was just physical, it was fine. That was the rule he had set for himself. That was the rule he thought he could live by.</p><p>He knew he could never just walk up to his friend’s, hand in hand with another guy, and introduce him as his boyfriend. He wouldn’t be able to take their looks of disgust and hatred, and he would be too weak to stand up to their beatings.</p><p>He didn’t even want to think about what his father would do.</p><p>But…</p><p>Maybe if he just never told anyone. If he kept his feelings a secret from everyone, kept the relationship behind closed, and <em>locked</em>, doors? Could he be happy then?</p><p>No. He wouldn’t be happy, the other guy probably wouldn’t be either. Even if they were, one of them would trip up eventually and the whole thing would just blow up in their faces anyways. That kind of relationship wasn’t worth it.</p><p>It wasn’t that he didn’t think <em>any</em> guys should be together, he just knew <em>he</em> couldn’t do it.</p><p>Soda couldn’t handle the fear.</p><p>
  <em>Chatting about nothing with Gundham’s arm around him, he felt nice. He felt calm. He felt happy.</em>
</p><p>Soda couldn’t handle the judgment.</p><p>
  <em>Gundham’s hand in his hair, holding him to his bare chest. “I forgive you for all that you believe you have done wrong.”</em>
</p><p>Soda couldn’t handle the isolation.</p><p>
  <em>Surrounded by his friends in the ocean. He wondered what Gundham was up to.</em>
</p><p>Soda couldn’t handle the anxiety.</p><p>
  <em>Gundham holding Jum-P towards him. “If you are nervous, I will lend you my aid.”</em>
</p><p>Soda couldn’t handle his own weakness.</p><p>
  <em>Gundham looked miserable. “Sometimes all you really need is someone there to support you right? Everything’s a little less scary that way.” His own words.</em>
</p><p>Soda couldn’t handle anything.</p><p>But maybe Gundham could help him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Fellas, is it gay to be in love with another man?</p><p> <br/>Uh, merry Christmas? This chapter was supposed to be longer, in that more was gonna happen, but also shorter, in that the stuff that did happen wasn't supposed to be 2000 words long. But I  <i>probably</i> won't be able to do any writing over the next 2 days, and this kind of felt like a natural spot to end a chapter any ways so, here ya go. Sorry it's kind of short.</p><p>I broke down my outline, and I'm thinking this will be about 11 chapters in total (it was gonna be 10 but then this chapter happened, oops), assuming I don't keep surprising myself with scenes that are way longer then they were meant to be. Just so y'all know.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Soda is getting very close to figuring out something he already knows.</p><p>Soda does a lot of thinking, and a lot of sleeping. Hajime slaps him awake.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So it’s been in the tags for a while but just in case you missed it: Hope’s Peak is a university in this. It works pretty much exactly the same, but it always just made more sense to me for Hope’s Peak to be a Uni so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  Just wanted to mention it since the school is actually briefly mentioned in this chapter.</p><p>Anyways,</p><p>Friend's are great at helping you out of a rut, even when they're stuck in there with you.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Soda must have fallen asleep without realizing it.</p><p>There was a gentle knock on his door, followed by and equally gentle voice.</p><p>“My companion?”</p><p>His heart skipped a beat, his cheeks warmed, and his stomach dropped.</p><p>He wasn’t ready yet.</p><p>“Are you well?” Another knock. “Can you hear me, dear consort?”</p><p>Gundham sounded concerned, he couldn’t just ignore him.</p><p>“I-I hear you. Just… gimme a minute.” He swallowed. His voice came out raw and scratchy and he told himself it was from sleep.</p><p>Soda took a moment to run to the bathroom and check himself in the mirror. He looked like shit, but at least he was clean and didn’t look like he had just been crying.</p><p>Had he just been crying? What time was it?</p><p>He glanced at the window and saw that the sun was setting. Shit, he must have been out for hours.</p><p>He combed his hands through his hair and went to answer the door.</p><p>Gundham looked just as concerned as he had sounded.</p><p>“S-sorry man, guess I, uh, dozed off…” Gundham didn’t look any happier after hearing that.</p><p>“You failed to attend another of our meals, are you… sure you are well, my companion?”</p><p>Soda had to fight the urge to cry again. God he was acting like such a pussy today. And now Gundham just looked even more worried. Soda looked away.</p><p>Say something dumbass.</p><p>“Y-yeah, sorry man. I’m just-” a gross creep who might have <em>feelings</em> for you? A disgusting piece of shit who came while thinking about those maybe-feelings? “I’ve just had, like, a lot on my mind, I guess...”</p><p>Gundham raised a hand to his cheek, a gesture that was becoming quite familiar, and Soda let himself lean into it, just for a second. It can’t hurt if it’s just a second.</p><p>“I would be glad to listen, should you wish to air your troubles, dearest confidant.” Gundham’s thumb was stroking his cheek. It had been more than a second. He closed his eyes.</p><p>Soda’s thoughts were suddenly occupied by the things he had imagined while fingering himself; Gundham fucking him, and kissing him, and holding him, and <em>loving him</em>. Would Gundham really hear him out if he told him about all of that?</p><p>And what about everything after? He still wasn’t sure he could bring himself to really <em>be</em> <em>with</em> a guy, still wasn’t sure he could handle everything that came with that.</p><p>He opened his eyes.</p><p>Even if it was Gundham, he still wasn’t sure.</p><p>Soda moved his head away from Gundham’s hand and pretended he didn’t feel the same sense of disappointment he saw on Gundham’s face. He looked away, he was tearing up again.</p><p>“I-” He ran a hand through his hair and let out a shaky sigh. “I just, I dunno man, I think I…”</p><p>He couldn’t do this. Not now.</p><p>He needed to think more, needed to figure out what <em>exactly </em>it was he was feeling before he could know what he was willing to risk.</p><p>“I guess I just… need some more time, y’know?”</p><p>Gundham gave him a soft, sad smile and raised his hand as if to touch him again, before hesitating and crossing his arms instead. “Take all the time you need, dear consort. When you are ready, I will listen.”</p><p>They both stood in silence for a moment, Soda wasn’t sure what to say.</p><p>“I… procured some rations from our meal for you. I thought you may be ill and unable to…” Gundham trailed off awkwardly and lifted a plastic bag which presumably contained some food. Soda’s stomach grumbled and they both laughed a little as some of the tension in the air dissolved.</p><p>“Um, thanks man.” Soda took the bag from Gundham and paused. Was this just a food delivery? Did Gundham want to eat with him? Or did Gundham want to…</p><p>He couldn’t decide which option he preferred.</p><p>“If there is naught else that you require of me, then I will leave you to dine in peace.” Well, there was his answer. He felt just as disappointed as relieved. “Please try not to miss another of our group feasts.” Gundham smiled at him before walking away.</p><p>The food was delicious. Soda wished he hadn’t eaten it alone.</p><p>–</p><p>Soda sat in his room for a long time, just thinking. Trying to take all the things Gundham made him feel and sort them into neat categories; were they horny feelings, friendship feelings, or-</p><p>Other.</p><p>He started with the easy stuff.</p><p>When Gundham touched his dick: horny feeling. Easy. Obvious. The way his heart sped up when he did it was just a normal horny reaction. The way he wanted to hold Gundham close when he did it, the way he wanted him to whisper those stupid, affectionate names into his ear and hold him closer still were-</p><p>Horny?</p><p>Maybe sex stuff wasn’t actually the best place to start.</p><p>Okay then, something else.</p><p>He started thinking of things that definitely just made him have friendship feelings. Times when him and Gundham had just been hanging out like the bros they were, times like when he had helped Gundham learn to swim and then-</p><p>Bad example.</p><p>Ok, then the time Gundham had shown Soda his hamsters. That had been a friendship thing for sure.</p><p>Yeah, Gundham had been excited, so Soda had encouraged him to talk about them, like a good bro. Then when Jum-P had come out and Gundham had looked sad, Soda had said some cheesy crap to cheer him up, like bros are supposed to do. And after when Gundham had let Soda hold Jum-P and told him he trusted him, but held his hands up anyways because Soda had been nervous, and they had sat so close together that their knees touched, and Soda had felt that strange warmth forming in his chest when he thought about how close their faces were-</p><p>That was… friendship? It was friendship, right? All those days ago it <em>had</em> to have been friendship.</p><p>Right?</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>When <em>had </em>those other feelings started?</p><p>He knew they were already there when he had fingered himself to thoughts of Gundham, they <em>had</em> been in the dream that had created the whole situation after all. So, before that.</p><p>The beach? He had wanted to kiss Gundham on the beach, and he remembered feeling… yeah, he had been disappointed when he realized Gundham wasn’t going to kiss him. He could admit that much. But, had he just wanted to kiss because he knew it felt good? Like, he didn’t exactly have a lot of experience, but what little he did have, he had enjoyed. Couldn’t he have just wanted to kiss because of that?</p><p>The way he had felt after though… That had been more than disappointment about not being kissed. That had been panic, the same panic he had felt after fingering himself. He knew what had caused that panic.</p><p>Before the beach then?</p><p>He remembered missing Gundham after the race with his other friends, remembered feeling so guilty that he had blown off Sonia’s offer to find Gundham with him. Had he really blown her off <em>just</em> because he felt guilty?</p><p>The hamster then? Had it been when Gundham had let him hold Jum-P? Those hamsters meant everything to Gundham, and he had just <em>let</em> Soda hold one. The warmth in his chest at that time, had that been…</p><p>But he had felt it before that, hadn’t he? He remembered pressing his forehead against Gundham’s door, embarrassed and overwhelmed because he had thought Gundham had invited him to hook up (had that really been why?) then turning to find Gundham so damn <em>close</em>.</p><p>That had been the first time he had wanted Gundham to kiss him, but…</p><p>The beach house? Had those other feelings already existed then too?</p><p>He remembered the shame of being caught, the rush of inviting Gundham to join him, and how god damned <em>thrilled</em> he had been when Gundham had misunderstood and suggested they get <em>each other</em> off. It had to have been <em>after</em> that right? <em>After</em> he had one of the best orgasms in his life thanks to Gundham and had decided to suck his dick as thanks.<em> After</em> he had seen how hot Gundham was naked, how cute he was when Soda blew him.</p><p><em>After </em>that god damned pact.</p><p>Right?</p><p>It <em>couldn’t</em> have been before.</p><p>
  <em>Soda had just accepted he was bi, he decided to celebrate by jackin’ it to some good old dude on dude porn, guilt free. He had been in a pretty specific mood, once he got to his favorite site he typed ‘Goth’ into the search and started looking.</em>
</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>
  <em>Miss Yukizome had just announced they would be taking a class trip to a tropical island in a month. Soda had been psyched to see all the girls in bathing suits, but- </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Gonna let Gundham bring his rats? Dude’ll probably cry himself to sleep every night if you don’t.” He had meant it as a joke. He tried not to smile when Gundham had been given permission to bring his hamsters.</em>
</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>
  <em>They were cleaning up some event, a banquet for investors or some shit. Soda had been trying to place a box on a high shelf but was just a few inches too short. Suddenly there was a body behind him, almost touching his back, and the box was taken from his hands. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Didn’t ask for your help, asshole. I had it.” Gundham had just raised a thin eyebrow at him and taken over, placing the other items that needed to go on the top shelf without comment. Soda’s heart had beat faster because he was angry. It had nothing to do with the sliver of skin being exposed on Gundham’s stomach every time he reached up.</em>
</p><p>Fucking fuck.</p><p>
  <em>It was his first day at Hope’s Peak and he had never felt more out of place. He was nervous as fuck. A dog had run up to him and started barking, followed by a man in dark clothes. The man had a weird way of speaking, and Soda hadn’t understood at least half of what he said, but he had been happy to have someone to talk to. His chest had felt warm.</em>
</p><p>Fucking god damned fuck.</p><p>That had been more than a year ago.</p><p>He was so fucking stupid.</p><p>He needed to talk to Gundham.</p><p>–</p><p>He wasn’t entirely sure he got any sleep.</p><p>Sitting at the breakfast table with all of his way too loud friends talking over each other, he certainly didn’t <em>feel</em> like he got any.</p><p>He had come to breakfast and greeted everyone more or less like usual, before grabbing some food and taking his seat beside Gundham. He rested the side his face on his hand and willed himself to wake up.</p><p>He hadn’t moved much since then, and definitely hadn’t said anything.</p><p>He was glancing down at Gundham’s knee between bites of food, remembering how nice it had felt against his own last time they ate together. He wanted to press their knees together again, no one would notice…</p><p>“What?” Gundham’s raised voice startled him out of his thoughts. Gundham was staring at Nagito, who had just walked in. He must have said some weird annoying bullshit, like usual, judging by Gundham’s face. “Show me, mortal.”</p><p>Just like that, Gundham stood and briskly exited the restaurant, pulling Nagito along behind him.</p><p>Soda blinked and rubbed at his face in exhaustion. What the fuck had just happened. He was going to ask Gundham to talk after breakfast, where the hell had he taken Nagito?</p><p>Why hadn’t he brought Soda?</p><p>Whatever. He was probably too tired to talk anyways. He gave up on staying upright and let his head fall onto the table, cushioned by his arms.</p><p>He dreamt of hamsters and a man who loved them.</p><p>There was a hand on his arm, gently shaking him. Soda grumbled and tried to go back to sleep.</p><p>The hand swatted him on the back of the head.</p><p>“Ow! What the fuck!” Soda sat up and turned to glare at whoever had hit him.</p><p>Hajime.</p><p>“Everyone’s done eating, dude. Felt rude to just leave you here.”</p><p>“But it didn’t feel rude to hit me while I was sleeping?”</p><p>Hajime shrugged. “You weren’t waking up.”</p><p>“Bastard.” Soda stretched. It was definitely a good thing Hajime woke him up, his back was already starting to hurt.</p><p>“So…” Hajime was staring at him expectantly. He must have done something weird in his sleep. Shit.</p><p>“W-what?”</p><p>“What’s been going on with you lately? Why’re you so tired?”</p><p>Oh, nothing weird then, but…</p><p>Soda sighed and let his head fall into his hands. As much as he liked spending time with Hajime, he had wanted to talk with Gundham. But Gundham had left already, and, really, Soda still felt like he needed to talk to someone.</p><p>“Wanna go for a walk?” Hajime quirked a brow at his question but nodded anyways.</p><p>–</p><p>They ended up near the beach, the same one Soda had found Gundham on after the race. Soda was still so damn tired, and, really, all he had wanted was some privacy and some fresh air, so he found a grassy spot under a tree and sat, motioning for Hajime to do the same.</p><p>They sat in silence for a while, but Hajime’s curiosity got the better of him.</p><p>“So, what’s going on Soda? You don’t show up to eat for a whole day, then when you do show, you just fall asleep? You doing alright man?” Hajime was trying to keep his tone light, but Soda could see genuine worry on his face.</p><p>“I’ve just… had a lot on my mind, dude. Been thinking a lot.”</p><p>“Don’t hurt yourself.”</p><p>“Fuck you.”</p><p>“You’re not really my type.”</p><p>Soda glared at Hajime, Hajime glared at him.</p><p>They burst out laughing.</p><p>It felt good to just laugh with Hajime, and Soda felt a little guilty that he hadn’t been spending much time with him recently. It was always so easy to just be with Hajime, no need to worry about skipped heart beats, or tender touches, or-</p><p>Oh. Was that because Hajime was his friend? Those weren’t things that were supposed to happened with a <em>friend</em>. So that made Gundham…</p><p>Hajime noticed Soda had stopped laughing.</p><p>“Look, whatever it is you’ll figure it out, Soda.” Hajime placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder and smiled. Soda noted the distinct lack of tightness in his chest at the gesture. God he was stupid.</p><p>“God I’m stupid.”</p><p>“Well at least you’ve figured that much out.” Soda slapped Hajime’s hand off his shoulder and they both started laughing again.</p><p>He wondered if he should tell Hajime about Gundham. He’s probably be cool with it right? After all, he was cool with Soda being-</p><p>He hadn’t told him he was bi.</p><p>How had he not told Hajime he was bi?</p><p>He looked over at his soul friend who caught his gaze and smiled back.</p><p>“What’s up? Figure something else out?”</p><p>“No- well, yeah. But I guess it’s, um, something I figured out a while ago? I just kinda, realized I never told you?” He felt himself starting to blush, maybe he shouldn’t tell Hajime.</p><p>Hajime’s hand was back on his shoulder, he was smiling patiently at Soda.</p><p>Ok. He could do this.</p><p>“So, uh…” He took a deep breath and looked at the sky. “I’m bi?” He blushed harder, why the fuck had he made it a question?</p><p>“Yeah, man?” Hajime’s hand was still on his shoulder, he hadn’t recoiled in disgust or anything, so far, so good. “That’s cool. Thanks for letting me know.” Soda was amazed. He looked back at Hajime in shock.</p><p>“That’s it?” Soda had pictured his first time coming out to someone being more… dramatic.</p><p>“Yeah? What else am I supposed to say? Congrats on coming out, I guess?” They shared an incredulous look and burst out laughing, both falling onto their backs in the grass.</p><p>“Thanks Hajime, really, I guess I, uh, just didn’t think coming out would be so… chill.”</p><p>“Yeah no problem.” There was a beat of silence. “Oh. And, um, same, by the way.”</p><p>Soda sat up “What?”</p><p>Hajime sat up and rubbed the back of his neck, he was blushing now too. “I’m also bi?”</p><p>“You’re… what? But you… what?” He was freaking out a bit. Hajime wasn't straight?</p><p>“Wow, man, thanks for being so chill about it.” Hajime deadpanned.</p><p>“Shit, sorry man. I guess I just, like, wasn’t expecting that? Like I never guessed… huh.” Soda knew he was overreacting. He really had never thought one of his friends would come out to him. “But, thanks for telling me too? Sorry I was weird about it?”</p><p>Hajime shook his head and smiled. “Don’t worry, that’s pretty much how I pictured that would go anyways.”</p><p>Soda returned his smile and took a moment to process what had just happened. Hajime was cool with Soda being bi, <em>and</em> he was bi himself. Wow. So, they were both into dudes…</p><p>Oh no.</p><p>“Uh, Hajime? Just so you know, I’m not, like, into <em>you</em>, y’know? Sorry, just, gotta let you know…”</p><p>“No worries, I’m not into you either.”</p><p>“Wait, not even a little?” Soda was pretty sure he was at least kind of attractive. If Hajime liked dudes, then shouldn’t he be at least a bit into him?</p><p>“Not even a little.” Hajime rolled his eyes like he wasn’t crushing Soda’s ego.</p><p>“C’mon dude! But I’m hot right? Like you at least think I’m hot?”</p><p>“I told you earlier, you’re not my type.” He was smirking now. Bastard.</p><p>“Fine then, what is your type?”</p><p>Hajime opened his mouth to answer then froze, blushing and looking somewhere behind him. Soda could hear someone’s footsteps passing by.</p><p>He turned his head to see who it was.</p><p>Nagito.</p><p>“Dude.”</p><p>“Shut up.”</p><p>“<em>Dude.</em>”</p><p>“I <em>know.</em> Shut up.”</p><p>“But he’s so fucking weird!”</p><p>“It just fucking happened, okay? I know!” Hajime’s face was bright red as he hid it in his hands.</p><p>“God, you’re such a loser.” Soda punched Hajime in the arm and laughed.</p><p>He couldn’t believe how perfect it all was: they were just a couple of dumb bi dudes who each happened to have a thing for a really weird guy.</p><p>They really were soul friends.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Fellas, is it gay to bond with your bro about your terrible taste in men?</p><p> </p><p>Hajime is the friend everyone wants to come out to. Soda is the friend you make someone else come out to for you lol.</p><p>Sorry this chapter took so long, I just really wanted to write fluff, but I gotta get all of Soda's stupid angst out of the way first. (I channeled the fluff into a Christmas fic instead lol).</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Soda thinks he's ready, but things keep getting in the way.</p><p>Soda thinks some more, Gundham helps a mother, and Hajime figures out what's going on.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sometimes things just don't go as planned.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Soda laughed for a while longer, half at Hajime and half at the whole stupid situation.</p><p>Once he was done, he glanced around to make sure Nagito was well out of ear shot.</p><p>“Sooo?” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.</p><p>“What?” Hajime was still blushing.</p><p>“Gimme the deats dude! You touch his dick yet?” He flashed Hajime a toothy grin.</p><p>“What the hell, Soda? No!” Hajime turned about twice as red as he had been. “I haven’t even told him I’m into him yet, of course I haven’t touched his dick…”</p><p>Right. Soda’s smile fell and he felt himself begin to blush as well. That was how these things were supposed to go: feelings first, dicks later.</p><p>Wow he was such a fuck up.</p><p>“Soda? C’mon man I’m not actually mad. You just surprised me, asking that kind of thing out of nowhere. I get that you were just messing with me, so cheer up.”</p><p>“Ha, yeah. I was… just messing around!” Soda forced a nervous laugh and hoped it was believable enough.</p><p>He could feel Hajime’s questioning gaze on him, but neither of them said anything.</p><p>“So… how’re you gonna tell him?”  Soda kept his eyes on his feet.</p><p>“I… don’t know. I might not. I’m still thinking it over.” Soda glanced to the side, Hajime was also staring at his feet.</p><p>“Is that really, like, okay? I mean, I dunno, won’t you be sad or whatever if you never tell him?”</p><p>“Maybe, but it’s not like I’ll for sure be happy if I do tell him, you know?”</p><p>Right. Admitting your feelings wasn’t even supposed to be the hard part. It was what came after…</p><p>“You think he’ll reject you?”</p><p>“Maybe.” Hajime heaved a deep sigh. “But it’s probably best to just get it over with, right?” Hajime flashed him a smile. “If he does rejects me, though, I expect you to clear your schedule so you can mend my poor broken heart.” Hajime dramatically placed the back of his hand to his forehead and leaned against Soda as he spoke.</p><p>“Sure, thing man, just promise you won’t try to rebound with me.” Soda snickered.</p><p>“Already told you you’re not my type, dude.”</p><p>“Not even when you’re heartbroken and maybe a little drunk?”</p><p>“Wow dude, sounds like you’re making plans. Maybe I should go to Chiaki instead…” Hajime pulled away from him with an overexaggerated sigh.</p><p>“C’mon man! I was just thinking that’s what people do when they get rejected, right? Have a beer to numb the pain or whatever!” Soda was doing his best to sound upset. “I said I wasn’t into you either man, so don’t be like that.” He looked at Hajime with his best pout.</p><p>They shared a look, then laughed at each other.</p><p>“But really, Hajime, however things work out, I’ll be right here supporting you the whole time.” Soda gave him a thumbs-up.</p><p>“I know, and I’m here for you too, okay? If you ever decide you actually want to tell me what’s going on with you, I’ll be right here.” Hajime smiled and bumped his shoulder against Soda’s, and Soda knew he was telling the truth.</p><p>He didn’t cry.</p><p>But it was close.</p><p>–</p><p>They ended up spending most of the day together, just wandering around the islands and chatting with whoever they happened to come across. They didn’t see Gundham.</p><p>Soda kept spacing out. Hajime definitely noticed, but just let him think, only really getting his attention when one of their friends approached.</p><p>He knew he needed to talk to Gundham, but he still wasn’t sure what to say.</p><p>
  <em>Hey, thanks for all the good sex and stuff, I think I want to ruin it by having weird feelings now, if that’s cool?</em>
</p><p>Even if he did figure out what to say, he had no idea how Gundham was going to react. Like, obviously Gundham was a pretty nice guy, so he probably wouldn’t hit Soda or anything, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t gonna get mad. They had a good thing going, if Soda tried to wreck it with his stupid gross feelings, he wouldn’t even be able to blame Gundham for being pissed.</p><p>Why did he have to go and start feeling <em>things</em> about Gundham? Why did he have to <em>ruin</em> everything?</p><p>How much longer could he go without telling Gundham?</p><p>
  <em>It’s probably best to just get it over with.</em>
</p><p>Stupid Hajime with his stupid wisdom.</p><p>Fine. He was going to do it. Next time he got Gundham alone, he was going to sit him down and just <em>talk</em>.</p><p>About feelings.</p><p>Feelings that he had.</p><p>For Gundham.</p><p>Feelings like…</p><p>Feelings he couldn’t think about for too long. He was just going to scare himself out of talking to Gundham if he did.</p><p>He let Hajime guide him around the island while he tried, and failed, not to think of Gundham.</p><p>–</p><p>Dinner time rolled around before Soda even realized it, and suddenly he found himself being led to the hotel restaurant by Hajime.</p><p>He hadn’t even noticed he was hungry, but the second he saw the food spread out before him he was starving. It wasn’t until he had piled his plate high with food and taken his usual seat, with Hajime across from him, that he noticed Gundham had yet to arrive.</p><p>His heart raced a little faster at the thought of him, but he forced himself to calm down. It wasn’t like they were going to talk about… <em>stuff</em> in front of all their friends, so there was no need for him to be nervous.</p><p>He had just about calmed himself down when Gundham walked in and undid all of his hard work with nothing but a glance and a little wave. Soda nodded in return and his heart was back to racing. He was sure he was red, was sure that Hajime noticed and was connecting the dots, and he was sure he couldn’t wait until after dinner to do this. The second Gundham got his food and came to sit down, he was going to ask him to come back to his cabin to talk. Fuck whatever their friends would think about it, he needed to do this.</p><p>But Gundham never came to sit down.</p><p>Just as suddenly and quietly as he had arrived, he was already leaving.</p><p>Soda turned in his seat to call out to him, but he was already gone. He turned back to his food and tried to figure out what had just happened.</p><p>“Huh, anyone know where Gundhams off to so quickly?” Sweet, blessed Hajime. Soda looked to his friend with gratitude, but he just casually sipped his tea and looked to the rest of the table. Soda would die for this man.</p><p>“Oh, he’s most likely headed back to the ranch.” Nagito had appeared behind Hajime. He placed a hand on his back before sitting next to him and picking up his utensils. Soda applauded Hajime’s ability to keep his cool, noticing only the slightest tinge of pink on his cheeks.</p><p>“The ranch?” Soda spoke up, can’t make Hajime do all the work.</p><p>Nagito shifted his unfocused gaze to Soda “Mmm, earlier today I happened to be walking by and saw a horse acting strangely. I thought I told everyone at breakfast this morning, but I suppose you were a bit out of sorts. Forgive me for being so useless.” God this guy was weird, it was obviously Soda’s fault for not listening.</p><p>“It’s fine, so… Gundham’s helping the horse then?” If an animal was in trouble, the way Gundham had run out at breakfast would totally make sense.</p><p>“Yes, and its foal as well. Apparently, the horse was giving birth and I failed to notice. Gundham helped with the delivery, but, from what a useless piece of trash like me could gather, it seems the foal came early and is quite sickly.”</p><p>“You… shouldn’t call yourself that Nagito.” Soda spared a moment to mentally cheer Hajime on before focusing in on what Nagito had said.</p><p>So Nagito had announced that he saw a horse being weird at breakfast and that had been why Gundham had left so suddenly with him. Then just now, he had probably just been grabbing something to eat before going back to the ranch, since the baby horse was sick. Well at least Gundham wasn’t pissed at him or something.</p><p>Not yet anyways.</p><p>Soda sighed. That probably meant he was going to have to wait even longer to talk with Gundham. A stable, which was most likely filled with horse shit, where Gundham was looking after a sick foal? Didn’t really seem like the right place for a feelings talk…</p><p>Stupid horse, having a baby early and making Gundham take care of it because he’s such a sweet and caring guy that he would never stand by and let an animal suffer, even if it meant missing out on his own vacation and skipping meals with his friends because Gundham was just selfless like that and an all around amazing guy who-</p><p>Soda put his head in his hands. Thinking about what a good guy Gundham was really wasn’t helping him deal with the fact that he was going to have to keep waiting to talk to him.</p><p>He finished the rest of his meal in relative silence, only speaking up to do his best as Hajime’s official wingman whenever there was an awkward pause between him and Nagito.</p><p>When everyone was finished eating, Hajime stopped him before he could head to his cabin to wallow in peace.</p><p>“Thanks for… y’know.” Hajime had a hand on the back of his neck and was blushing slightly</p><p>“No problem, just be sure to invite me to the wedding.” Soda gave a half-hearted smirk and some weak finger guns, and Hajime huffed in amusement.</p><p>“We’ll see.” They both laughed. “So…” There was a pause. “Gundham.” It wasn’t a question.</p><p>“Dude, please don’t.” Soda whined, he knew he had made fun of Hajime that morning, and he 100% deserved to be treated the same way, but he really wasn’t in the mood.</p><p>“But I’m right, right?”</p><p>“<em>Dude</em>.”</p><p>“Fine, but at least admit your taste in men is just as shitty as mine.” Hajime laughed and patted him on the back.</p><p>“Fine, sure, we both suck. Can we drop it now?”</p><p>“Course dude, just…” Soda looked up at his friend, willing him to just shut up and not make fun of him. “I’m rooting for you, okay?”</p><p>“Oh.” Not what he had expected. “Um… thanks. Really. I… thanks.” Hajime just patted his back one more time and headed off to his cabin. Soda let out a deep sigh and glanced in the direction of the ranch, before heading back to his own cabin for the night.</p><p>–</p><p>The next few days sucked.</p><p>Apparently, the mom horse was doing okay, but the baby wasn’t getting much better. Gundham was spending almost all of his time at the ranch trying to help, so Soda only ever saw him when he was running in and out of the restaurant to collect his meals. He was jealous of the horse.</p><p>Hajime was doing his best to keep Soda occupied, but it wasn’t working too well. Mostly, it was because Nagito had taken to hanging around them, and as happy as Soda to see Hajime get a bit of solid flirting in every now and then, it just made him feel lonelier. He was jealous of Hajime.</p><p>On the third day, Mikan let everyone know that the foal’s condition was improving. Apparently, she had been helping out where she could. Even if animals and people were different, some of the basics were still the same, so Gundham had requested her assistance. It made sense, it wasn’t like there was anything Soda could do. But still… He was jealous of Mikan.</p><p>The fourth day found them all at the beach, except for Gundham of course, who was still keeping an eye on the foal. Soda half-heartedly participated in whatever games his friends were playing and was a little proud of himself for not creeping on Sonia while he did, but mostly, he just missed Gundham. He watched his friends laughing and splashing around in the water. He was jealous of all of them.</p><p>Lying in his bed on the fifth night, Soda didn’t know how much more he could take. He had been ready for his big stupid talk with Gundham five fucking days ago, and he knew he was slowly losing his nerve with each day that passed. The horse had been improving, right? So how much longer would it be before Gundham stopped spending every god damned waking moment at the ranch?</p><p>Wait. Waking moment?</p><p>Soda glanced at his alarm clock, it was a quarter past midnight.</p><p>Perfect.</p><p>Soda wouldn’t put it past Gundham to have stayed over night at the ranch those first few days, but now that the foal was doing okay? Gundham had to be sleeping in his cabin, right? So, Soda just had to wake him up and make him listen.</p><p>Okay, so maybe it wasn’t actually a <em>perfect</em> plan, but it was good enough. Gundham’s cabin would be plenty private, and, most importantly, Soda wouldn’t have to wait anymore.</p><p>He got out of bed and dressed himself; just shorts and a t-shirt, no need to bother with his coveralls this late, before giving himself a once over in the mirror and heading out.</p><p>He could feel his heart beating faster. This was it. He was going to make sure Gundham understood <em>exactly</em> how he felt, even if he still wasn’t 100% certain about it himself. No more stupid thoughts getting in his way, no more stupid Nagito pulling Gundham away, and no more stupid sick animals to keep them apart.</p><p>This was it.</p><p>He raised his hand to knock on Gundham’s door, but before he could actually do it, he heard Gundham call his name.</p><p>“Kazuichi…” It was quiet, but Soda definitely heard it. Wow, did Gundham’s weird animal mindreading powers extend to him now too? And what did that say about him? Nah, Gundham had probably just seen him through the window or something. Well, whatever, if Gundham knew he was there he might as well go in.</p><p>He opened the door and slipped in, making sure to close it behind him.</p><p>“Hey. So I-”</p><p>Oh.</p><p>As he turned to face Gundham he realized that he had, in fact, <em>not </em>known Soda was there. He had called his name for an entirely different reason.</p><p>Gundham was on his back, knees bent, with one hand on his dick and one further down, between his legs.</p><p>Oh. Shit.</p><p>Gundham’s face was hard to read, but he definitely hadn’t been expecting Soda.</p><p>“I-I-I’m <em>so </em>fucking sorry! I’ll leave! I just though I heard- I mean I guess I did hear? But you weren’t- I mean? I’m sorry.” Soda turned to leave, fumbling for the door handle.</p><p>“My dear consort…” Gundham’s voice was airy, breathless. It went straight to Soda’s dick.</p><p>“Y-yeah?” Soda turned his head back to Gundham and tried his best not to stare at the hand between his legs. Gundham must have noticed. He smiled and slowly began to move his fingers.</p><p>“Aid me.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Fellas, is it gay to ask your bro to help you when he catches you jacking off to thoughts of him?</p><p> </p><p>Once again I have made it to what I thought would be the halfway point of a chapter, only to find out I've already written over 2000 words. It's also been like 5 days since I updated soo... here ya go. I guess y'all can relate to how Soda felt going 5 days without seeing Gundham lol</p><p>Writing has definitely slowed down recently cus I've been busy, and I'm about to head back to uni so I wouldn't expect it to go much faster anytime soon. Sorry about that, but my current predicted chapter count for this is 12, so hopefully it'll be wrapped up reasonably soon.<br/>If you need more Soudam goodness while you wait you can always check out <a href="https://idnek83.tumblr.com/">my tumblr</a>, where I've been rambling away about both my headcanons and those others have been sending me.</p><p>Anyway, happy new year!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Soda indulges in a welcome distraction.</p><p>The boys enjoy a night together.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sometimes all you have to do is ask.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Soda’s mind was racing and his dick was hard.</p><p>Gundham was naked, knees spread and fingering himself in front of him.</p><p>And he wanted Soda to help him.</p><p>Soda slowly stepped forward, eyes flickering between Gundham’s face and his hands. Gundham’s gaze was locked on him as he approached, still slowly pumping his fingers in and out of himself and stroking his dick.</p><p>As Soda got closer, it became harder and harder not to just <em>stare</em> at the spot where Gundham’s fingers were disappearing inside of him. <em>Jesus</em>, he was using <em>three </em>god damned fingers of his to fuck himself, Soda had felt so full with just two.</p><p>He made it to the side of the bed and just stood there watching, unsure of what Gundham wanted him to do. When he finally dragged his gaze back up to Gundham’s face, Gundham laughed a little breathy laugh and licked his lips. He looked so fucking good, eyes half lidded, a red flush across his cheeks, and those beautiful fucking lips parted ever so slightly, like he was just waiting for Soda to kiss him.</p><p>There was something shouting at him in his mind, telling him he needed to stop, needed to talk.</p><p>
  <em>Feelings first, dicks later.</em>
</p><p>He told that something to fuck off.</p><p>Gundham shifted, and Soda flicked his gaze down to see he had removed his fingers. He slid his back up against the headboard, so he was sitting upright and spread his knees further, gesturing for Soda to join him on the bed<em>, between</em> them.</p><p>“Come, my paramour, I… wish to feel you.” Gundham still sounded so breathless. How long had he been touching himself?</p><p>Soda took Gundham’s invitation and slowly climbed onto the bed, kneeling between Gundham’s legs and, just, taking in the sight before him. Gundham was breathing heavily, dick rock hard, and legs spread, like something out of Soda’s dirtiest dreams. The flush from his cheeks had spread across his chest and he stared and Soda leaned in to taste it.</p><p>He laved his tongue across one of Gundham’s nipples, earning himself a quiet gasp, before closing his mouth to suck. His hands up and down Gundham’s sides for a moment before resting on his waist to hold him still as Soda licked and kissed across his chest. He heard a muffled moan above him, and looked up to find Gundham covering his mouth with the back of his hand.</p><p>“Please…” Gundham didn’t elaborate any further.</p><p>Soda worked his way up and bit Gundham’s shoulder, earning another breathy moan, before kissing his way up Gundham’s neck and letting one of his hands fall to Gundham’s inner thigh. He tugged at Gundham’s ear with his teeth.</p><p>“Please what?” His own voice surprised him, it came out low and smooth, and, judging by the shiver that ran down Gundham’s body, it was sexy as hell. Nice.</p><p>Gundham turned his head and reached for the nightstand, panting hard as he did.</p><p>“Please, my consort, I… was visualizing you before you entered.” Soda already knew that, Gundham had called his name after all, but hearing it out loud was so fucking hot. “I desire for you to… make my vision reality.” He pushed a small bottle into Soda’s hand, he didn’t need to look to know it was lube.</p><p>Fuck. Gundham was asking him to finger him. Okay, he could do that.</p><p>He took the bottle and sat back, and Gundham fucking <em>whined</em> when he did.</p><p>“Just give me a second, ba- Gundham, gotta get nice and slick for ya.” Jesus, he had nearly called Gundham ‘babe’. Would have been a great way to ruin things.</p><p>He took a moment to rip off his t-shirt, then poured the lube into his palm and carefully coated three fingers, shivering at the memory of watching Gundham’s own inside him. Soda’s were a little thicker, but Gundham would probably still want three, right? He looked up at Gundham, who was staring hungrily at him. Yeah, he’d definitely want <em>at least</em> three.</p><p>Soda slowly reached down and pressed his middle finger against Gundham’s hole, loving the way his eyes fluttered shut as he did. He circled around the rim, applying just a little bit of pressure, before finally sinking a finger into Gundham.</p><p>“Aah, m-my-” Gundham seemed to be struggling to decide what to call Soda as he began to thrust his finger inside him.</p><p>It felt different that when Soda had fingered himself. Gundham was looser, thanks to the work he had done with his own fingers, but he was still so hot and wet inside. Soda knew it would have felt amazing to just shove his cock in, but that hadn’t been what Gundham asked for.</p><p><em>Make my vision reality</em>.</p><p>That… hadn’t been what Gundham asked for, right?</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>Soda leaned forward to continue biting at Gundham’s neck and shoulders as he slipped in a second finger.</p><p>Gundham moaned and fisted a hand in Soda’s hair, and Soda began to curl his fingers, looking for that spot that had made him see white.</p><p>He knew he found it when Gundham cried out and buried his face in his shoulder, tugging at Sodas hair as he did. Soda pulled away to look at him, and, despite Gundham’s protests, he was glad he did. Gundham looked <em>sloppy</em>, in the best way possible. He was drooling a little, eyes unfocused, and his hair was a mess. His whole body was flushed, right down to his leaking dick. and his ass was so damn wet from all the lube and taking Soda’s fingers so easily it was like he had been made for this.</p><p>He couldn’t help it, he focused  his gaze on Gundham’s face and started pounding his fingers into Gundham’s sweet spot, just to could watch as he came undone.</p><p>Gundham threw his head back and thrust his hips forward, mouth open wide in a silent moan, and Soda couldn’t help but shove his free hand into his shorts to give his own cock a couple pumps.</p><p>“So- ah! P-please! Wa- mmph.” Soda slowed his fingers, and leaned back in to lick a long line up Gundham’s neck.</p><p>“Need something?” Soda chuckled, part of him was worried Gundham was going to ask him to stop, that he had crossed some line, but it was only a small part. Most of him just wanted to hear Gundham beg.</p><p> “More, please, I need more, my dearest consort.” Gundham was bucking his hips back against Soda’s hand as he spoke. He began to kiss a line down his neck and up under his chin. Soda told himself the way his heart skipped a beat as Gundham got closer to his lips was just a horny thing.</p><p>He inserted a third finger into Gundham to distract them both.</p><p>Gundham’s lips faltered on Soda’s chin and he ducked his head into the crook of his neck to muffle another moan. Soda took his hand out of his shorts and wrapped his arm around Gundham’s back, pressing his lips into Gundham’s hair and trying no to think about how intimate it felt.</p><p>“Please, Soda.” His dick jumped when Gundham said his name. “No more, I’m ready.”</p><p>Ready? To cum maybe? Then why ‘no more’? Did he actually want…</p><p>Soda paused his actions and leaned back so he could see Gundham’s face.</p><p>“Sorry, what?” Not exactly the sexiest thing he had said all night, but he needed clarification.</p><p>“I am ready.”</p><p>“For?”</p><p>Gundham looked just as confused as Soda felt.</p><p>“For you to take me, my paramour.”</p><p>“Um.” He wasn’t stupid, at least not <em>that</em> stupid. He knew what Gundham was saying, his brain was just too busy short-circuiting at the thought of actually getting laid, like <em>for real</em> laid, for him to do anything.</p><p>Gundham didn’t seem impressed by how incredibly dense Soda was acting. He pushed Soda away from him, but before Soda could protest, Gundham was moving. He flipped himself around and got on his hands and knees, ass fully exposed to Soda. Only an absolute idiot wouldn’t understand what Gundham was asking for at this point, but apparently Gundham wasn’t taking chances. He looked at Soda over his shoulder and gave him a surprisingly soft smile.</p><p>“<em>Fuck</em> me, beloved consort.”</p><p>Jesus. Had he ever heard Gundham swear before? Did it even fucking matter? The word sounded so damned dirty coming from Gundham’s mouth and <em>so</em> fucking hot, <em>that</em> was all that mattered.</p><p>Oh, and the fact that Gundham wanted him to fuck him. That mattered a lot too.</p><p>Soda fumbled to get his shorts and boxers off, then got up onto his knees and placed his hands on Gundham’s hips, rubbing little circles with his thumbs. He couldn’t help but grind his cock up against Gundham’s ass, making both of them moan. Fuck, Gundham’s ass felt so damn wet, he could probably just slip his cock in without any more lube or anything already, but he really didn’t want to hurt Gundham, besides…</p><p>“D-do you, uh, have a condom?” He thought of the box he had bought from the supermarket, now uselessly sitting in his nightstand. He really didn’t want to have to go get it.</p><p>Gundham gestured to his own nightstand, but mad no effort to actually retrieve a condom, instead choosing to grind his ass back against Soda’s cock and enjoy the way it made him buckle over. Soda thrust himself forward in turn and Gundham buried a moan in his pillow.</p><p>Shit. Condom. Now.</p><p>Soda let himself stay flush with Gundham’s ass as he bent over his back to reach for the nightstand.</p><p>“Hurry.” Gundham panted.</p><p> He could feel Gundham continuing to grind his ass back against him as he looked for the condoms, and it was definitely <em>not</em> helping him hurry, but he couldn’t bring himself to make him stop.</p><p>He finally found the box and pulled back from Gundham so he could get a condom on.</p><p>“Please, my paramour.” Gundham whined at the loss of contact and Soda nearly choked as he arched his back like a god damned porn star. Soda dropped the condoms.</p><p>“S-sorry, just, gimme a sec, it’s- I mean, I’ve never done this- um.” He knew his face was bright red and he just looked down and focused on picking up one of the little foil packets and rolling on the condom. He kept his eyes focused on what he was doing so he wouldn’t be distracted by the ridiculously hot man in front of him and how he might react to learning Soda was a virgin.</p><p>Thankfully, Gundham didn’t comment, and Soda managed to get the condom on without dying of embarrassment.</p><p>He let out a shaky breath, and returned to his previous position, kneeling behind Gundham. He grabbed Gundham’s ass cheeks and squeezed, feeling a little more confident when it made Gundham moan. Soda placed one hand on his hip and let the other gently smooth over Gundham’s lower back.</p><p>“You, um, still ready?” His cock was aching now, as he slicked it up with some more lube and lined it up with Gundham’s hole, but he needed to make sure Gundham ready.</p><p>“Yes, my consort. Take me.” Gundham was watching him over his shoulder with one of those soft smiles Soda liked so much.</p><p>He pretended the feeling in his chest was just nervousness, and pushed in.</p><p>The second his tip slipped past the tight ring of Gundham’s entrance, he was gasping. It felt so <em>fucking</em> good, Gundham was tight and hot all around him, and Soda had to brace himself with a hand on Gundham’s back to keep from just collapsing over him.</p><p>“Fuck, you feel so good Gundham.” Gundham hummed in agreement and Soda began pressing deeper, thrusting shallowly in and out as he did.</p><p>The feelings of hot and wet and <em>tight</em> only got more intense the deeper he went, and Soda was overcome with the need to just be <em>closer</em> to Gundham. He wrapped his arm around Gundham’s waist and pressed his chest to his back, both of them crying out when he finally thrust the last inch of his cock into Gundham’s ass.</p><p>“Y-you okay?” He nuzzled his face into Gundham’s back between his shoulder blades.</p><p>“Yes.” Gundham’s voice was airy and breathless again, Soda loved it. He moved a hand to Gundham’s cock, and they both moaned when the contact made Gundham squeeze around him.</p><p>“I’m gonna s-start moving, okay?” He was just barely holding back, waiting for Gundham to give him permission. He gave his dick a few slow pumps.</p><p>“Mmm, please Soda.” His dick jumped again. It was just his god damned name, but he loved the way it sounded coming out of Gundham’s mouth.</p><p>He slowly drew his hips back, just a little, before pushing back into Gundham, testing the waters. Even that little motion felt so good he could hardly stand it, and Gundham’s moan seemed to say he agreed. He did it again, and again, slowly building up speed as he thrust shallowly into Gundham. He tightened his grip on his hip and began to pull him back to meet his thrusts. Gundham started moaning louder.</p><p>God it was so much better than he had ever imagined.</p><p>He wanted to kiss Gundham, he <em>needed </em>to kiss Gundham.</p><p>He <em>tried </em>to kiss Gundham, but in this position, from this angle, he just couldn’t reach his stupid, beautiful lips.</p><p>He settled for kissing every inch of Gundham’s back he could reach instead, thrusting in deeper to reach his shoulders, and pulling out further as he kissed lower.</p><p>“Soda, <em>please.”</em></p><p>Gundham began to protest when their hips stopped meeting between thrusts, whining and pulling Soda’s hand from his dick and up his chest, forcing Soda up closer to him, deeper <em>in</em> him.</p><p>Something about it made Soda snap. Maybe it was the idea that Gundham wanted to be fucked <em>deep</em>, or maybe it was the fact that Gundham would rather keep Soda <em>close</em> to him than have a him pumping his dick, it didn’t matter, he couldn’t hold back.</p><p>Once Gundham let go of his hand, he looped his arm under his armpit and gripped his shoulder for leverage, keeping his other hand on Gundham’s hip so he could keep pulling him back onto his cock. He kissed Gundham’s back one more time, then he just let loose, thrusting into Gundham as fast and deep as he could. Pounding into him shallowly and listening to the chorus of moans it drew from both of them and the loud slap of skin every time their hips met.</p><p>Soon he could feel his balls tightening, he knew he was getting close, but he didn’t care. He started biting at Gundham’s back between moans of his name and just fucking <em>rutted</em> into him as fast as he could, hardly even separating their hips as he did. He felt too good to think, he could just barely hear Gundham’s moans and just knew he wanted to keep him as close as he could get him, needed to be as deep in him as he could possibly be.</p><p>He wanted <em>this</em>, he needed <em>him.</em></p><p>“My beloved- ah-”</p><p>His orgasm hit him like a bus. He was seeing white and emptying himself inside of Gundham, still marking up Gundham’s back with his teeth, holding their hips flush as he continues to buck into into Gundham with the last of his strength.</p><p>When he came down from it, he started kissing Gundham’s back again, panting and running his hands up and down his body. He took a moment to pull out and discard the condom, before going right back to kissing every inch of Gundham he could reach.</p><p>“That was so good, baby, felt so god damn good around me, thought I was gonna-”</p><p>His hand found Gundham’s cock.</p><p>Gundham’s <em>still hard</em> cock.</p><p>He hadn’t cum. Soda hadn’t been able to make him cum.</p><p>“Shit, Gundham, I’m so fucking sorry.” He had just fucked into him after he had pulled his hand from his dick and assumed it still felt good for Gundham. What an ass, of course Gundham had still wanted his hand pumping his dick, he had only moved it to get Soda’s attention, and he just never put it back like the inconsiderate jackass he was. “I didn’t realize- I should have-”</p><p>He was silenced with a finger pressed against his lips.</p><p>“Did you enjoy yourself, my consort?” Gundham had rolled onto his back, and was smiling softly up at Soda, cock still rock hard, but not seeming to care.</p><p>“I-” He felt ashamed, but he couldn’t lie to Gundham. “Yes. I know it probably sucked for you, but it just felt so good and I couldn’t stop and-“</p><p>“Then I am happy.” Gundham stroked Soda’s cheek with his thumb, it felt to tender. Gundham should be mad at him, or at least upset. “I am glad that I could make your first time so pleasurable, dear Kazuichi. And I enjoyed myself as well.”</p><p>Soda couldn’t handle it, he leaned in to press his lips to Gundham’s.</p><p>But found his cheek instead, chickening out at the last second like the coward he was.</p><p>He played it off like it had been his plan all along, trailing kisses back to Gundham’s ear and down his neck, as he shifted himself so he was once again between Gundham’s legs.</p><p>Maybe he was too big of a coward to kiss Gundham, but at least he could still get the guy off.</p><p>He pushed up one of Gundham’s thighs and let his hand trail down to his hole. Gundham hissed as Soda pushed two fingers into him, once again searching for his prostate.</p><p>“My paramour…” He ran a hand through Soda’s hair while he began to kiss lower, laving Gundham’s chest with attention once again. Soda sucked on a nipple and wrapped his free hand around Gundham’s cock.</p><p>Not gonna make the same mistake twice.</p><p>He found Gundham’s prostate again and added a third finger once he was sure he knew <em>exactly</em> where Gundham wanted his touch. Gundham was moaning and Soda started pumping his cock in time with the thrusts of his fingers, amazed at how quickly Gundham was falling apart in his hands.</p><p>If it was this easy to get him off, Soda must have been really bad at sex.</p><p>He pushed the shame to the back of his mind, and focused on Gundham, increasing the speed of both his hands and kissing down his stomach.</p><p>He planned to blow Gundham again, wanted to even, but the first kiss to the head of his cock sent Gundham over the edge, and all Soda could really do was quickly wrap his lips around the tip and suck him through his orgasm.</p><p>Once Gundham was finished, Soda withdrew his hands and sat up awkwardly. He was glad he had gotten Gundham off in the end, but he still felt ashamed. He should have been more attentive, should have focused on what Gundham wanted instead of just assuming he was enjoying himself as much as Soda was.</p><p>He probably shouldn’t have fucked Gundham in the first place. It was just gonna make it harder when Gundham rejected him and his stupid feelings. He should have just left after walking in on Gundham. He should have just waited for tomorrow, or the next day, or never.</p><p>He didn’t realize he was crying until Gundham started wiping away his tears.</p><p>“Shh, my dear, it’s alright, I’m here.” Gundham pressed a kiss to his forehead and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him down onto the bed. Soda sniffled and tried to stop crying, tried to just enjoy being held by Gundham. “You did so well, my consort, I truly enjoyed myself.” Gundham cocked his head and looked down at Soda. “However, this is… not just about sex, is it?”</p><p>Soda took an unsteady breath and shook his head. Gundham pulled him closer and kissed his forehead again, it almost made him feel like they were real lovers.</p><p>It almost didn’t make him feel guilty for wanting that.</p><p>“I do not know what is weighing so heavily on your mind, my paramour,” Another forehead kiss. “But know I am here for you, whether you need to converse, to be listened to, or simply to be.” Another. “I will always be here for you.” A final kiss to his forehead, this one lingered, a seal on a promise and a promise in itself.</p><p>Soda couldn’t take it. He started to cry again. Gundham just stroked his hair and held him. He sobbed harder and buried his face into Gundham’s chest, half because he wanted to muffle the sound and half because he just wanted to be closer to him.</p><p>“It’s alright.” Gundham’s voice was soothing, he kept whispering little reassurances to Soda as he stroked his hair, and Soda was faintly aware he probably calmed frightened animals in the same manner. He managed a little laugh through his sobs, and he felt Gundham press another kiss into his hair. The gesture brought a new wave of guilt, and a new wave of tears, but Soda just let it happen.</p><p>He let himself cry in a way he hadn’t for years, let himself sob against Gundham’s chest as every shitty feeling and bad memory he had bubbled up in his brain and came pouring out.</p><p>He let it happen.</p><p>With Gundham, he could let it happen.</p><p>With Gundham, he could be safe.</p><p>With Gundham, he could be happy.</p><p>With Gundham, with Gundham, with Gundham...</p><p>With Gundham, he drifted off to sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Fellas, is it gay to want to kiss your bro while you fuck him in the ass?</p><p> </p><p>A 10cm height difference doesn't see like a lot till you're trying to kiss your partner doggy style 😞</p><p>Anyways, get your fill of smut y'all, it's gonna be a bumpy ride from here.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Soda finally talks about his feelings.</p><p>Soda stumbles, Gundham nearly breaks.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If we were all a little better at communication, we'd all be a little happier.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Soda woke to a ray of sun on his face.</p><p>He shifted to try to get the light away from his eyes, sliding his head up from Gundham’s chest to his shoulder. Gundham was still sleeping soundly, and Soda took a moment to enjoy the peaceful rise and fall of his chest, bringing his hand up to rest over his heart. It beat steadily, Soda closed his eyes and synched his breaths with Gundham’s while he listened to that steady, comforting beat.</p><p>He wanted to wake up like this everyday. Slowly, peacefully, and being held by the man…</p><p>The man he loved.</p><p>He turned his reddened face to hide it in Gundham’s chest. He knew exactly what he had been feeling, and he knew he couldn’t deny it anymore. The way Gundham had made him feel as he had cried in his arms, the way he made him feel when he called him all those strange names and flashed him those soft smiles… he knew what that feeling was. He had known for a while.</p><p>He had just been too scared to admit it.</p><p>Now, warmed by the early sunlight and Gundham’s arms, tucked into his side and listening to his heart, even the fear couldn’t make him deny it anymore.</p><p>He felt doubt creeping back into his brain as he continued to slowly wake. He tried to push it back, tried to enjoy the moment just a bit longer…</p><p>But his feelings didn’t matter. There was no way Gundham could feel the same, not about someone like him. Gundham was tall, and smart, and handsome, and kind, and funny, and… and he was just Soda. Stupid, average looking at best, quick to anger, and slow to catch on, even to his own feelings.</p><p>No one could want him.</p><p>He felt a sleepy kiss pressed into his hair and opened his eyes. He hadn’t realized he had started crying again, but Gundham was already wiping away his tears. Everything he had already been feeling swelled up in his chest and he knew this was it.</p><p>No more waiting.</p><p>“I’m ready to talk.”</p><p>His voice was quiet, barely a whisper, but he knew Gundham heard him, felt the way the arm around his back pulled him a little closer, felt another kiss to his forehead and a hand combing through his hair.</p><p>“I’m here.” Gundham’s voice was quiet too, rough with sleep and even deeper than usual. Soda hoped he would be able to hear it that way again. “Do you wish me only to listen? Or would you like me to speak as well?”</p><p>“I love it when you speak.” He spoke the words without consciously deciding to, but he couldn’t take them back now. He distracted himself by smoothing his hand across Gundham’s chest, and he felt a hand squeeze his hip lightly.</p><p>“Then I will.” He felt both their hearts beat a little faster.</p><p>“I…” He remembered the last time they had really spent any time together, that breakfast with just the two of them that had been so great until- “I’m sorry about… our breakfast the other day, I, uh, kinda ruined it by storming off like that.”</p><p>“Certainly that is not what has been weighing on your mind all this time?” Gundham didn’t sound upset, he just sounded curious.</p><p>“I, uh, no? But I feel like I should, like, get it out of the way? I really do feel bad about it so, um… sorry.” It felt stupid, but it also felt like a weight off his shoulders.</p><p>“I… cannot deny I was curious about the situation. I understand the dark queen was being somewhat rude but-”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Hm? Sonia. She was acting quite coldly towards you, but I do not understand why you reacted so strongly on that particular occasion.”</p><p>“I- but I mean I, like, kind of deserved that, didn’t I? I mean I… I’ve been treating her pretty badly for a while now…” Soda started nervously drawing shapes on Gundham’s chest. What was he saying? He had already gone over the whole situation in his mind; it had been his fault, even if Sonia had been a little rude, it was only because he deserved it.</p><p>Gundham heaved a heavy sigh, and Soda kind of enjoyed the way his own head rose and fell with it.</p><p>“We spoke, after you left.” Soda looked up to try to see what kind of face Gundham was making, but he was staring up at the ceiling. He would have had to sit up to see his face, and he wasn’t willing to move away from Gundham, even a little.</p><p>Not yet.</p><p>“What… did you talk about?” Soda knew. He had stormed off and they had talked about how much he had overreacted. They talked about how rude he was and how stupid he was for ever thinking Sonia would like him.</p><p>How stupid he was for thinking <em>anyone</em> would like him.</p><p>He pushed the side of his face back into Gundham’s chest.</p><p>Not yet.</p><p>“The two of you… you do not treat each other fairly.” Gundham began to rub his back. “You do not give Sonia the space she requires, not do you treat her as an equal, but rather, as some ideal being. She does not appreciate it.” Yeah, he already knew that. He was a creep who had obsessed over her without ever bothering to notice he was making her uncomfortable, and without bothering to get to know the real her.</p><p>“And the dark queen, she…” Hates Soda and is completely justified in it? He knew that too. “She treats you too harshly.” What? “She behaves as if you are not there, only acknowledging your presence when she stands to gain something.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Do you disagree?” Gundham looked down at him quizzically.</p><p>“Well, no? But I, uh, kinda deserve it? Like it’s my fault she treats me like that so-”</p><p>Gundham heaved another sigh and kissed his forehead again. Soda wished he had been counting, he wanted to remember every one of those little kisses once this was all over.</p><p>Not yet.</p><p>“You are too hard on yourself, my sweet consort.” Soda didn’t know what to say. Gundham was just saying that to make him feel better, right? “You <em>are</em> partly at fault, but even the dark queen admits her hand helped shape the situation.”</p><p>What? Sonia thought-? But it had all been Soda’s fault, hadn’t it?</p><p>Hadn’t it?</p><p>“But I am curious, my consort, this situation is not new, and I do not recall ever witnessing you react so… strongly to it before. What caused you to have such a volatile reaction?”</p><p>It was Soda’s turn to sigh. He rolled onto his back, keeping his head on Gundham’s shoulder.</p><p>Not yet.</p><p>“I- hm, I guess it had kinda been building up for a while? Like, even though she treats me like I don’t exist, I really like her.” He blushed a little at the admission and looked up at Gundham. He looked… confused? Huh? He thought everyone knew he liked Sonia, it wasn’t exactly a secret. Well whatever, Gundham was probably thinking about something else. He looked back at the ceiling. “Like, I realize we’re probably never going to date or anything cus, well, like you just said, I kinda treat her… or I guess we both kinda treat <em>each other</em> like shit?” It felt weird to say it like that, ‘we both’, like he actually wasn’t the only one responsible. “But, I can’t really help how I feel about her, right? Like, feelings don’t just stop cus you know it’s not gonna work out, y’know?”</p><p>Gundham still looked like he was thinking pretty hard about something, but he responded with a little nod and hummed in agreement.</p><p>“So yeah, I guess I was frustrated? And it just kept building and building, and then… Well, you remember how she told me to apologize to you? For <em>ignoring</em> you? Like, I wasn’t even ignoring you! I was just kinda spacy! But it just- I mean, <em>her</em> asking <em>me</em> to apologize for ignoring someone? It just like- I couldn’t handle that. It just, ugh, it pissed me off so much! But I didn’t want to, like, yell at her like a jerk or something so… I just left, y’know?”</p><p>“Mm, I… suppose I understand. It was rather hypocritical of her.” Gundham still looked like he was thinking hard about something. Had he said something weird? “I… did not realize you still held feelings for Sonia at that time.” Gundham looked at him then. He looked… concerned now? Upset maybe? Was he just worried about Soda’s weird obsession with Sonia then?</p><p>“Yeah, I uh, probably should have gotten over it a long time ago, huh? But-” he took a deep breath and sat up so he could face Gundham.</p><p>Now.</p><p>“I guess you just really can’t, um, control who you like, right?” He could feel himself blushing, could feel it spreading over his whole body. But he could do this. He was <em>going </em>to do this.</p><p>“So, you… <em>still</em> have feelings for her?” Why was Gundham so caught up on that? He started sitting up too, giving Soda another one of those confused, concerned looks.</p><p>Probably best to just tell him the truth, don’t want to start this thing with a lie.</p><p>“Y-yeah. I’ve given up on her, but even then, it’s not like feelings just go away immediately.” He forced a laugh. Why did it feel so awkward suddenly?</p><p>“I… see.” Gundham wasn’t looking at him. “I… appreciate your honesty.”</p><p>What was that supposed to mean? What the hell was going on in Gundham’s head? Maybe he should wait to-</p><p>No. No more waiting, no more chickening out. It was time to do this.</p><p>“Yeah, um, I mean I actually think this whole thing with you really helped-“</p><p>Gundham’s head snapped up.</p><p>“Thing?” Huh? Had Gundham sounded… angry just then?</p><p>“Uh, yeah, like the ‘pact’ thing? And, um, ‘aiding’ each other?”</p><p>Gundham narrowed his eyes, he looked like he was thinking hard again. What the hell was happening? Did Gundham know what he was about to say? Was he just grossed out and trying to think of a way to get Soda out of his cabin before he could say it? He’d better hurry up…</p><p>“Um, anyways, this has all really helped me realize some, uh, <em>things </em>about myself like, what I want and how I want people to treat me and stuff… and, um, I know this has really just been, like, a sex thing but-”</p><p>“<em>Just a sex thing?</em>” Gundham hissed out the words. Yeah, that time he had definitely been angry.</p><p>“Y-yeah?” Why was Gundham so upset? He watched him take a few deep breaths as he regained his composure.</p><p>“I did not realize that is all you thought this was.” Gundham swallowed, he looked like he was trying hard to keep his face neutral. “I did not think our pact to be simply… <em>carnal</em>.” He practically spit the last word.</p><p>Shit, what? Gundham had thought they were more than fuck buddies? What? </p><p>Gundham was standing now, looking for his clothes.</p><p>“Wait, what? I-” Did that mean? “So, then, do you, like, like me?” What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck?</p><p>“Much more than you like me, it would seem.” Gundham pulled on his pants and wasn’t looking at Soda. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck-</p><p>“Wait, I-I think I misunderstood-“</p><p>Gundham turned and fucking <em>glared</em> at him.</p><p>“What are the odds, it would appear I misunderstood as well.” He practically shouted, the anger fell from his face, and he just he looked tired. “I did not realize I was… <em>just a sex thing</em> to you.”</p><p>Gundham tossed him his clothes.</p><p>“Leave me. I… need to think.” He turned from Soda and he heard him take a deep, shaky breath.</p><p>That was it, Gundham hated him. He dressed as quickly as he could then moved towards the door, but… could he really just leave things like this?</p><p>“Gundham, I’m-”</p><p>“Go.” Gundham seemed to choke on the word. Was he… crying?</p><p>Shit, Soda was the worst. No wonder so many people hated him.</p><p>He turned, left, and headed directly to his own cabin.</p><p>-</p><p>He felt empty. He sat on his bed, and he just felt empty. Gundham hated him and he had never even managed to confess. He was such a fuck up.</p><p>And Gundham had… he liked Soda? He had pretty much said that, right? And not only that, but he had thought they were more than… ‘just a sex thing.’ God, his own stupid words sounded so much worse every time he replayed them in his head.</p><p>So then, Gundham had thought they were basically, like, dating then? And then Soda had fucked him and treated it like a hook-up, and now Gundham never wanted to see him again. He couldn’t even blame him for being so pissed.</p><p>He had already had everything he wanted, he was just too god damned stupid to realize it.</p><p>And he had just fucked it up forever.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Fellas, is it gay to be crushed when you find out he thinks you're just fuck-buddies?</p><p> </p><p>...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Soda spends some time feeling sorry for himself.</p><p>Soda wallows, Hajime uses violence to help him stop.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Boys will be boys.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been hours, but he was still just sitting on his bed.</p><p>He still couldn’t believe how badly he had fucked up. Still couldn’t believe Gundham had felt the same about him, still couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed, and still couldn’t believe how fucking <em>stupid</em> he was.</p><p>Still couldn’t believe he had thrown it all away.</p><p>He was so god damned worthless.</p><p>There was a know at the door.</p><p>He stopped breathing. The knocking continued.</p><p>Had Gundham changed his mind? Had he decided to give Soda a chance to stumble his way through another apology?</p><p>Or had he come by to laugh at him? To tell him it had all been a lie and he had just been fucking with him; of course he had never actually been into Soda, who the hell would be attracted to <em>him</em>?</p><p>“Soda, open the fucking door.”</p><p>Hajime.</p><p>He didn’t move. He just wanted to be alone.</p><p>More knocking.</p><p>“Open the door, or I swear I will tell Gundham that-”</p><p>He had never moved so fast in his life.</p><p>“Dude, not cool.” Soda opened the door and Hajime strode in, looking far too pleased with himself.</p><p>“What took so long? Were you jerking it or-” Hajime’s face fell when he finally looked at Soda. He must have looked like shit for Hajime’s mood to have changed so quickly. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Hajime put a hand on Soda’s shoulder and tried to look him in the eyes. He couldn’t bring himself to meet his gaze. “You okay man?”</p><p>Hajime probably didn’t want to hear the real answer, but-</p><p>“No.”</p><p>Both of them looked a little surprised at Soda’s blunt answer, but it was the truth, so Soda didn’t try to take it back. He just let out a defeated sigh before continuing.</p><p>“I fucked up, Haj, like, <em>really</em> fucked up.” He pulled away from Hajime so he could sit on his bed and put his head in his hands. Hajime looked around the room before closing the door and taking a seat beside him.</p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>“So much dude, I don’t even-” He sighed. Cut to the chase. “I fucked Gundham.”</p><p>To his credit, Hajime managed to look only mildly shocked.</p><p>“Oh, um, congrats?” Hajime scrunched up his face in confusion. “Or, maybe not congrats? I thought you were into him though, so…?”</p><p>“I am. I’m so god damned into him it’s stupid. That’s not the problem.” He looked up at Hajime, who just raised a concerned eyebrow and waited for him to continue. “I, um, never told him…”</p><p>He waited for Hajime to tell him how stupid he was.</p><p>“Is that really that big of a problem? I mean, he probably figured it out already, and you can just tell him next time you guys are together, can’t you?”</p><p>“He never wants to see me again.”</p><p>That time Hajime didn’t hide his shock.</p><p>“What? Why?”</p><p>“I told him it was just a sex thing.”</p><p>Hajime pinched the bridge of his nose.</p><p>“<em>Why</em> did you tell him it was just a sex thing if it wasn’t?”</p><p>“Because I thought it was!”</p><p>“<em>Why?</em>” Hajime looked exasperated.</p><p>Soda let his head fall back into his hands and sighed.</p><p>“Like I said, a lot happened.”</p><p>–</p><p>“Okay, so basically you and Gundham made a ‘pact’ and have been messing around for a while now?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“And you thought you were just fuck buddies?”</p><p>“Uh-huh.”</p><p>“But then you realized you had feelings for him.”</p><p>“Mm.”</p><p>“And instead of telling him that, you had sex.”</p><p>“I didn’t mean to-”</p><p>“Let me finish. So, after, you were trying to confess your feelings, but you wanted to apologize for ruining your guys’ breakfast first?”</p><p>Soda nodded.</p><p>“So, you laid naked in bed with the guy who you not only liked, but had just banged the night before… and talked about how much you liked Sonia…”</p><p>Soda pulled his beanie over his face.</p><p>“Then you thought the best way to confess your feelings would be to call your whole relationship up to that point ‘just a sex thing’…”</p><p>“I was building to something!”</p><p>“You were being a dumbass.”</p><p>“I know!”</p><p>“So, he kicked you out and said he never wanted to see you again? That doesn’t really sound like Gundham…”</p><p>“Well, I mean, those weren’t his <em>exact</em> words, but, like, that’s obviously what he meant.”</p><p>Hajime heaved what was probably his hundredth sigh of the hour.</p><p>“What <em>were</em> his exact words?”</p><p>“Uh, something like ‘leave, I need to think.’”</p><p>“You’re so frustratingly stupid, how the hell is ‘I need to think’ the same as ‘I never want to see you again’? How?” Hajime was standing now, running an irritated hand through his hair.</p><p>“I-It was more of a tone thing I guess! Look, trust me, he’s done with me and it’s all my fault, okay? I give up.” Soda flopped back onto his bed with a dramatic groan. “If you’re really my best friend, you’ll just kill me right now and end my suffering.”</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>“Wha-”</p><p>Before Soda could do anything, Hajime grabbed a pillow and jumped on top of him. He tried to bring the pillow down over Soda’s face, but Soda just barely managed to hold it back.</p><p>“What the hell man!” Soda did his best to push Hajime off of him, but he couldn’t get the proper leverage.</p><p>“Shhh, it’ll all be over soon. Just let it happen, you fucking idiot.”</p><p>“What the fuck!” Soda finally managed to wiggle his way out from under Hajime. He picked up a pillow of his own and slapped Hajime over the head with it. “You’re freaking me out man.”</p><p>“You asked me to kill you, just trying to be a good friend.” Hajime laughed and casually sat back on the bed like he hadn’t just been trying to smother Soda with a pillow. “Guess you weren’t really ready to die though, huh?”</p><p>“Of course I wasn’t really ready to die!”</p><p>“So you were just being dramatic?”</p><p>“Duh.”</p><p>“So, you’re not really ready to give up on Gundham either then?”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>Another one of those big disappointed Hajime sighs.</p><p>“You don’t even mean the things you’re saying, but you’re still acting like your life is over. I was just trying to show you you’re being way too dramatic, man.”</p><p>Hajime probably had a point, but-</p><p>“… You’re acting almost as weird as Nagito, you two have been spending way too much time together recently.”</p><p>Hajime smiled a little and… was he blushing?</p><p>“Yeah…” Hajime shook his head and a serious expression returned to his face. “Look, the important thing here is that you talk to Gundham. Apologize for being such a dumbass and then tell him how you feel. About <em>him</em> this time, preferably.” Hajime snorted in amusement.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah. But… he still probably doesn’t want to talk to me…”</p><p>“Fine. Die then.”</p><p>“Dude.”</p><p>“Then apologize.”</p><p>“Fuck you.”</p><p>“I though I wasn’t your type.”</p><p>Soda picked up a pillow and tried to smother Hajime’s stupid, smug face with it. Hajime fought back and they ended up discarding the pillow and wrestling on the floor.</p><p>It felt pretty good to just burn off some energy with Hajime. They rolled around, trying to pin each other down, and soon they were both laughing. Hajime let go of him and they laid on the floor in silence for a moment, breathing heavily, enjoying the moment.</p><p>Soda’s stomach growled.</p><p>It was about time for lunch, and he hadn’t even eaten breakfast but…</p><p>“Hajime.”</p><p>“Mm?” Hajime didn’t move from the floor.</p><p>“My dearest, most intelligent and handsome friend, Hajime.”</p><p>Hajime rose to his elbows and squinted at Soda.</p><p>“Perfect man whose soul is bound to my own, and who also has a rocking bod, Hajime.”</p><p>Hajime raised a brow and was obviously trying not to laugh.</p><p>“Please go get me something to eat. I’m starving.” His stomach growled again to punctuate the statement.</p><p>Hajime sat up fully and rolled his eyes. “And you can’t get your own food because you’re scared you’ll run into Gundham, right?”</p><p>“You’re the best?” Soda gave Hajime his best puppy dog eyes and fluttered his lashes.</p><p>“You’re the worst.” Hajime stood up and stretched a little before heading for the door. “I’ll be back in a bit.”</p><p>-</p><p>Hajime returned with food for the both of them.</p><p>“Gundham wasn’t even around. Apparently he’s back at the ranch again.”</p><p>Oh, right. That would make sense. The foal was recovering, but Gundham would probably still be keeping an eye on it for a while…</p><p>“Thanks.” Soda took his food from Hajime and they ate in silence for a bit.</p><p>He was glad Hajime had come by to get him out of his head for a while, it was way easier to think clearly with someone else around to stop him from getting too caught up in despair.</p><p>He knew he really did need to talk to Gundham. Even if he really didn’t want to see him again, Soda would just have to beg him to listen long enough for him to at least apologize for being so stupid. At least then Gundham would know he hadn’t hurt him on purpose.</p><p>And then, if Gundham let him keep talking, maybe he could finally let him know how he felt too.</p><p>Not that it mattered.</p><p>“So… you gonna talk to Gundham after this?”</p><p>A heaviness settled in his gut.</p><p>“Y-yeah… well, maybe not right away…”</p><p>“Coward.” Hajime was smiling as he said it, grabbing his plate and getting ready to leave.</p><p>“F-fuck off. If you’re so brave, why don’t you just go suck Nagito’s dick or something.” Soda smirked, but Hajime didn’t falter.</p><p>“Maybe I will.” He winked as he closed the door and left.</p><p>Wait… <em>what?</em></p><p>He was joking right? There was no way…</p><p>Why had Hajime come to his cabin in the first place? And he had been in such a good mood too… and then there was that little smile when Soda had said they were spending too much time together…</p><p>Well damn. Way to go, Hajime, get some.</p><p>Even if ‘some’ was a little crazy.</p><p>Soda took a moment to mentally congratulate his soul friend. At least one of them had some game.</p><p>At least on of them could be happy.</p><p>But… Hajime seemed to think there was still hope for Soda. So, maybe…</p><p>No. Hajime only thought there was hope because he hadn’t seen the look on Gundham’s face. He hadn’t seen how pissed he was, hadn’t heard how hurt he’d been, hadn’t heard him choke on his tears as he told Soda to go.</p><p>Yeah, Soda wanted to apologize, but he knew that was as far as things would go. He would apologize, and maybe he and Gundham could go back to ignoring each other, maybe even get back to throwing harmless insults at each other one day. But there’d never be a <em>them</em>, Soda was sure of that much. At least he wouldn’t have to spend he rest of his life completely avoiding Gundham, that was something, right?</p><p>He felt himself tearing up. He didn’t want to sit in his cabin and cry for hours again.</p><p>He decided to go for a walk.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Fellas, is it gay to think you no longer have a chance with the guy you love?</p><p> </p><p>Nothing like wrestling with your bro to make sure he knows you love and support him, am I right fellas?</p><p>While writing this I was nearly overcome with the urge to write a sexy pillow fight between Soda and Hajime... I didn't, obviously, but like... I think I might have given myself a new ship... I might have to explore that in the future 😳</p><p>Anyways, the next chapter might be the last? Like, either there's going to be 2 more like 2-3k word chapters or one more big chapter, depending on how things go, but either way, we're nearly at the end of this y'all 😬<br/>(Next chapter will almost certainly take a while, I'm not too busy with school yet, but I'm having a hard time switching between a programming mindset and a writing mindset, and I don't want to end this with half-assed writing)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Soda gets some advice from an unexpected source.</p><p>Soda tries to run from his problems, and realizes that's why he has so many.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The best advice is usually unexpected.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Soda was sure to stay far away from the ranch, heading in the opposite direction as he left the hotel area. Seeing Gundham just then would be unbearable, he knew he wouldn’t be able to handle the anger on Gundham’s face, knew the hurt would be even worse.</p><p>He just needed to stay away for now.</p><p>It all could have been so easy if he hadn’t been so god damned stupid. There must have been signs that Gundham was into him, right? Something anyone else would have caught onto…</p><p>Like… maybe those names Gundham always called him. What was a consort anyways? He knew it had something to do with kings, so like… a king’s friend? Or was it more like and advisor or something? He wasn’t sure, he’d have to look it up later.</p><p>He didn’t even know where to start with paramour, he could vaguely recall a band with a similar name, but that was about it.</p><p>But it wasn’t always just ‘consort’ or ‘paramour’, Gundham would sometimes use other words too.</p><p>‘Dark’ had been the first one, back when Gundham had referred to him as ‘companion’ more often then not, then at some point it had become ‘dear’. Then ‘sweet’ and ‘dearest’ had worked their way in, along with that word, ‘consort’, that felt like it meant so much more than friend…</p><p>But none of that was explicitly romantic, right? Besides ‘dark’ and ‘consort’, Soda was pretty sure he’d called Hajime all of those things before…</p><p>Then ‘paramour’… Gundham had first called him that after the night on the beach. It always felt a little… <em>flirtier </em>than ‘consort’, but most of that was probably just cus Soda didn’t know what it meant, right? Or maybe it was something about the way Gundham said it? He remembered Gundham calling him that as he begged him to fuck him the previous night…</p><p>Soda’s face colored. Not the time for those kinds of thoughts.</p><p>That hadn’t been the only thing Gundham had called him that night though, another new word had entered his speech: ‘beloved’.</p><p>Soda blushed even harder.</p><p>Okay, so it was pretty hard to interpret that as anything other than romantic.</p><p>But Soda had been way too turned on to even notice it…</p><p>So maybe there hadn’t really been signs that Gundham was into him? At least not before he had started calling him ‘beloved’ last night. But then there was…</p><p>
  <em>The way Gundham had always seemed so focused on him while they were touching each other, the way he was gentle, paid attention to whether Soda was feeling good, made sure to make him feel cherished with every touch.</em>
</p><p>Soda wished he could say he did the same for Gundham…</p><p>
  <em>The way Gundham had held him when he was upset, never made him feel bad for crying, and always made sure he knew he was there to talk, while never making him feel like he had to talk if he didn’t want to.</em>
</p><p>It was so easy for Gundham to make him feel safe…</p><p>Yeah. The signs had definitely been there.</p><p>He was just the worlds biggest idiot.</p><p>He was crying again, out in public now like a loser. He just sat where he was on the beach and hid his face in his arms.</p><p>He hoped no one saw him.</p><p>“Soda?”</p><p>Fuck everything.</p><p>At first he didn’t want to acknowledge her, thought that maybe she’d just go away if he didn’t.</p><p>But Gundham wanted them to get along better, so…</p><p>“Hi miss Sonia.” He didn’t lift his head, he didn’t want her to see him crying.</p><p>There was a moment where nothing happened and Soda almost thought she had left, but then he heard the rustle of fabric and saw the light shift as she sat next to him.</p><p>He heard her exhale slowly.</p><p>“Is something… no. Something is upsetting you. Would you like to speak with me about it?”</p><p>He lifted his head to look at her then. What was going on? Why was <em>Sonia</em> even talking to him, not to mention asking if he wanted to talk about his problems.</p><p>“I… what’re you doing Sonia?” She had raised her hand as if to pat Soda on the back.</p><p>Sonia blushed a little, but her face was determined.</p><p>“I am comforting a classmate.” She patted his back a few times, a little too forcefully to really be comforting, then quickly withdrew her hand.</p><p>Soda was still confused.</p><p>“But, why? I mean… it’s me?”</p><p>Sonia looked away from him.</p><p>“It was brought to my attention that I do not treat you well.”</p><p>Right, Gundham had said he talked to her.</p><p>“I decided I will try to improve the way that I treat you. And when I saw you crying I-“</p><p>Shit, she <em>had</em> seen him crying. The thought made him want to cry more, but what really made the tears begin to well up again was the fact that she was being nice because of <em>Gundham</em>.</p><p>Here was Sonia, trying to comfort him, and it was all because Gundham had asked her to be kinder to him. And how had he repaid Gundham for doing that?</p><p>By calling him a sex thing.</p><p>He was crying again.</p><p>“Shit, s-sorry. I shouldn’t be crying-” Soda tried to wipe away his tears.</p><p>“No! It is okay! Please feel free to-” Sonia looked like she was panicking.</p><p>“And I s-shouldn’t have treated you so-” The tears just kept coming.</p><p>“It was cruel of my to ignore you-” Sonia was tearing up too.</p><p>“I really didn’t mean to-” He felt even worse for making her cry.</p><p>“It was I who-” She stopped herself to breathe, and Soda unconsciously did the same.</p><p>They looked at each other, both red in the face and teary eyed, and Soda felt something shift.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” They both spoke at the same time, and their faces mirrored each others shock.</p><p>Sonia smiled a little, and Soda thought she might be suppressing a laugh. He smiled back.</p><p>“I… would very much like if we could restart our relationship. Would that be ‘cool’ with you?”</p><p>“More than cool.”</p><p>Sonia held out her hand and Soda shook it.</p><p>“Then it has been made official. From now on we will be fond friends.” They let go of each other’s hands and sat in silence for a moment, looking out at the ocean.</p><p>Soda knew that wasn’t the end of it. One day they were going to have to sit down and have a real conversation about it, one where Soda could properly apologize for the way he treated Sonia.</p><p>
  <em>“You do not treat each other fairly.”</em>
</p><p>Right. <em>Each other.</em></p><p>Maybe Sonia would apologize to him too then. He still wasn’t sure how he felt about that. But he was happy that it was out in the open now at least, happy that Sonia knew that he knew he had been treating her badly, knew that he wanted to change that.</p><p>And he was happy that now they might be able to become real friends.</p><p>He smiled to himself at the word: friends. Not too long ago he would have seen this as another opportunity to try to get with Sonia, but the thought hadn’t crossed his mind. He must have grown some.</p><p>And it probably helped that he was hopelessly into Gundham.</p><p>Even if he had fucked <em>that</em> up.</p><p>He looked at Sonia, who was smiling softly at the sea. Maybe apologies weren’t as hard as he thought.</p><p>“Sonia?”</p><p>“Yes?” She turned and smiled at him, but he could see a bit of hesitation in her eyes. Yeah, they definitely needed to have another conversation later.</p><p>“Have you… seen Gundham today?” There was part of him that wanted her to say no.</p><p>“Ah, yes. I saw him when he came to pick up his breakfast this morning.” Something made her frown. “He looked very tired and very upset... Was it you who was the cause of that?” She sort of looked like she was getting ready to yell at him.</p><p>“… Probably.” He couldn’t tell her the whole truth but- “We, um, had a fight.”</p><p>She deflated a little.</p><p>“Oh. You… you did not fight about me, did you?”</p><p>“Nah.” He laughed a little, awkwardly. “Well, I guess you were part of it? But don’t worry, it was mostly just me being stupid…”</p><p>Sonia looked like she was thinking.</p><p>“I visited the farm today, after breakfast.” Jealousy flickered through Soda’s brain, and he told it to fuck off. “Gundham was there, talking to the Four Dark Devas of Destruction. He… he sounded sad, and when I greeted him, he had none of his usual enthusiasm.” She swept some hair from her face. “Whatever it is you fought about, it seems to have upset him greatly…”</p><p>Yeah, no surprises there.</p><p>“I know. Its my fault.”</p><p>“Then why have you not apologized?” Sonia was once again filled with her usual intensity.</p><p>“W-what?” He was taken aback by the sudden shift in mood. Sonia was staring at him intently.</p><p>“You believe it is your fault he is upset?”</p><p>“Y-yeah.”</p><p>“And you know what it is you have done wrong?”</p><p>“Yeah...”</p><p>“Then apologize, you bastard.”</p><p>It always took Soda by surprise when Sonia swore, but her blunt logic surprised him even more.</p><p>It was his fault and he knew what he did wrong, so he should just apologize? Well, yeah, but it wasn’t that easy…</p><p>“But he doesn’t want to talk to me right now…”</p><p>“Of course he does not want to talk to you!” Ouch. “He does not want to talk <em>because</em> you have not apologized yet!” She was up on her knees now, leaning towards him with a determined look in her eyes.</p><p>“W-well, yeah, but he, um, said he wanted some time to think?” He had said that, why was it a question now? Soda was falling apart under Sonia’s intensity.</p><p>“If you fought this morning then he has had plenty of time already. You should apologize now, and if he decides he would like more time to think, then at least he will know that you are sorry!”</p><p>“He already knows I’m sorry…”</p><p>“Does he?”</p><p>Did he?</p><p>Shit.</p><p>He didn’t.</p><p>Soda had never actually said sorry after the whole ‘just a sex thing’ thing. He had tried, but Gundham had been too upset and made him leave before he could.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>Gundham was currently under the impression that Soda actually <em>had</em> though of him as just a sex thing, that Soda really <em>didn’t</em> want anything else out of their relationship.</p><p>Fuck shit fuck.</p><p>Sonia was right, he needed to apologize and make it clear to Gundham that that wasn’t true, that he really hadn’t meant to hurt him. After all, if Gundham did all his thinking without actually knowing the truth, then he wouldn’t be able to come to a real conclusion, right?</p><p>He stood up too quickly, it startled Sonia a little.</p><p>“Sorry Sonia.” He extended a hand to help her up. “But you’re right. I… I need to go apologize. Right now!” Sonia took his hand and stood. He noted the surprise in her face when he let go, as well as the smile that followed it.</p><p>“Thank you.” Soda knew it was both for helping her up, and for not being a creep about holding her hand. Good, they were making progress. Now hopefully things would go that smoothly with Gundham.</p><p>He waved goodbye and jogged off in the direction of the ranch.</p><p>He needed to talk to Gundham. Now.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Fellas, is it gay to talk to your hamsters about your love life?</p><p> </p><p>Okay, so I was really trying to get the finale all finished, but it's taking forever and it's gonna be a looong chapter so I figured I'd split it up. This part has a bit of a different vibe than the rest of it anyways, so I decided to just post it on its own.</p><p>Ideally everything will be done by next Monday but... 😬 we'll see.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Soda finally realizes how stupid he's been.</p><p>Soda runs towards his problems, he's the only one surprised by the outcome.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>When all else fails, perhaps indirect communication isn't a bad starting point.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At some point his jog had turned into a run.</p><p>He couldn’t stop all the doubts and shitty thoughts swirling around in his brain, so he just focused on getting to where Gundham was as fast as he could, before he started doubting himself again.</p><p>But it didn’t matter.</p><p>When he arrived at the ranch, Gundham was nowhere to be seen. Soda walked a loop around the place, even managed to find a foal Gundham had been taking care of, but there was no sign of the man himself.</p><p>The urge to give up was overwhelming.</p><p>No. He needed to talk to Gundham, he couldn’t keep putting it off every time he encountered a little obstacle, or he’d probably never talk to him again.</p><p>Think dumbass . If Gundham wasn’t at the ranch, where would he be?</p><p>Maybe he got hungry? It was still kind of early for dinner, but for all he knew Gundham had missed lunch, so it wouldn’t be that strange if he had gone to the restaurant for a bite to eat.</p><p><em>Or maybe he’s just hiding because he doesn’t want to talk</em>.</p><p>Soda shook his head and ran off towards the hotel. He had plenty of experience running from his problems, it felt good to run from his excuses instead.</p><p>He was out of breath by the time he reached the restaurant, it had been a while since he’d run so much. Once he reached the top of the stairs he stood, panting, as he turned his head in every direction, looking for any sign of Gundham.</p><p>Nothing.</p><p>
  <em>He’s avoiding you.</em>
</p><p>His cabin then? Sonia had said he had the Devas with him at the ranch, so maybe he had decided to return them to their lair.</p><p>He caught his breath and sprinted back down the stairs and towards Gundham’s cabin.</p><p>He really hoped Gundham would be there, his legs were starting to cramp up and he didn’t know how much more running he’d be able to do.</p><p>
  <em>Just give up.</em>
</p><p>He knocked on Gundham’s door.</p><p>“Gundham? Are you there?” He paused. “I know you don’t want to talk, but there’s something really important I need to tell you!” He pressed his ear to the door but heard nothing, maybe Gundham really wasn’t here either?</p><p>
  <em>He’s just pretending he’s not home.</em>
</p><p>Where else then?</p><p>Soda backed away from Gundham’s door. He didn’t know where he would go next, but he knew he needed to keep moving. He took a deep breath and turned to run back the way he came.</p><p>And Gundham was there.</p><p>Standing at the crossroad between the boys’ and girls’ cabins and looking around anxiously.</p><p>Was he looking for him?</p><p>
  <em>Only so he can avoid you.</em>
</p><p>“Gundham!” It felt like time slowed as he shouted his name. The second the word had left his mouth, Gundham turned and ran away from the hotel.</p><p>Away from him.</p><p>
  <em>See? He’s ignoring you.</em>
</p><p>It must be something else.</p><p>
  <em>He ran the second you called his name.</em>
</p><p>Maybe he hadn’t heard him.</p><p>
  <em>There’s no such thing coincidence.</em>
</p><p>No. He had to follow him.</p><p>
  <em>He doesn’t even want to look at you.</em>
</p><p>No… he just…</p><p>
  <em>He hates you.</em>
</p><p>No…</p><p>
  <em>Stop lying to yourself. You’re disgusting and stupid and you fuck up everything you touch. Of course he ran from you. He should have done it sooner.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why have you not apologized?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He doesn’t want your apology, he wants you to just disappear.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“That doesn’t really sound like Gundham…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He never wants to see you again, never wants to have to hear you speak again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“He does not want to talk because you have not apologized yet!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s too late, he hates you and there’s nothing you can do about it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You’re not really ready to give up on Gundham.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He won’t listen, even if he does it won’t matter, it won’t change anything.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“At least he will know that you are sorry!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sorry for what? Sorry for treating him like garbage? Sorry for fucking things up the way you always do? Sorry for wasting his time with your worthless existence? Apologize all you want, he’ll still hate you. Maybe not right away, but eventually. You’re not worth his time. You’re not worth anything. You’ll just keep making mistakes.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Then apologize.”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>The voices of his friends echoed around his head, Hajime and Sonia battling his own doubts as he waited for one side to win. He knew he was moving, knew he hadn’t given into his own despair yet, but he wasn’t sure how long that would last. He wanted so badly to just give up, to just let Gundham hate him.</p><p>He had run. He didn’t want to listen.</p><p>
  <em>“When you are ready, I will listen.” </em>
</p><p>But that had been before he had fucked everything up.</p><p>
  <em>“I will always be here for you.”  </em>
</p><p>Had he meant that? Had he just said it to get him to stop crying? Gundham didn’t seem like the type to say things like that if he didn’t mean them but he been acting like a pretty big pussy…</p><p>
  <em>“You are too hard on yourself, my sweet consort.”</em>
</p><p>He wouldn’t give up yet. Maybe it wouldn’t matter, maybe he’d have to chase Gundham down and corner him to make him listen, but he wouldn’t give up yet. He owed that much to Gundham, for being so kind to him, and he owed it to Hajime and Sonia as well, for putting up with all his shit.</p><p>But he couldn’t run anymore, his legs were too tired, and he had lost the mental drive that had let him push himself earlier.</p><p>He wouldn’t give up, but maybe he could take his time…</p><p>
  <em>You’re making excuses again.</em>
</p><p>He wasn’t… he might be. He wasn’t sure. He kept moving, told himself he was looking for Gundham, but his legs were carrying him towards the little beach they had found for Gundham’s swimming lesson. Maybe he thought Gundham would be there, or maybe he just wanted to be alone. He really wasn’t sure anymore, all the voices in his head were blurring together now, becoming little more than noise that was slowly giving him a headache. Maybe he could just take a nap. Maybe Gundham would want to talk when he woke up…</p><p>He reached the secluded beach, and he wasn’t sure if he was actually disappointed that Gundham wasn’t there, or if he was pretending to be so he could act like he hadn’t given up yet.</p><p>Had he given up yet?</p><p>He laid on his back in the sand.</p><p>Maybe.</p><p>He wished he could give Gundham another swimming lesson. Wished Gundham would trust him like that again, wished Gundham would let him see him so vulnerable again, and wished he would let him help him again. He didn’t care if they never had sex again. He would have treasured that night forever, treasured watching Gundham slowly improve and become more confidant with his help, even without everything that happened after. It had been good, <em>really</em> good, but all he really wanted was to be able to hold Gundham again, to be able to laugh with him, and cry with him, and to just <em>be</em> with him again.</p><p>He felt a weight on his chest.</p><p>He paused.</p><p><em>On</em> his chest?</p><p>He opened his eyes and looked down.</p><p>There was a hamster on his chest.</p><p>“Jum-P?” He was going crazy. He <em>had</em> to be going crazy.</p><p>He slowly lifted a finger to try to poke the thing on his chest that absolutely could not be Jum-P.</p><p>It bit him.</p><p>Soda flinched and sat up, remembering to catch Jum-P at the last second, and looked down at the apparently non-imaginary hamster in his hands.</p><p>“What the fuck?”</p><p>Jum-P just stared back at him.</p><p>“What the hell are you doing all the way out here?” Shouldn’t Jum-P be with Gundham? OR at least back in his cabin?</p><p>What if-</p><p>“You’re here to punish me for upsetting Gundham aren’t you?” He laughed to himself. No matter how good Gundham was at training animals, there was no way he could train a hamster to hunt Soda down and bit him… right?</p><p>He looked down at Jum-P and laughed when he moved in a way that almost looked like nodding.</p><p>“Well, if that’s what you’re here for then you can bite me all you want, I deserve it. It still wont hurt nearly as bad as knowing how bad I fucked up though…” Jum-P didn’t bite him, so Soda shifted him into one palm and started petting him. It reminded him of the first time he had held Jum-P, back in Gundham’s cabin. “Can’t believe I didn’t realize how I felt back then, looking back, it was pretty obvious.”</p><p>He heaved a heavy sigh. Why the hell was he talking to a hamster.</p><p>“Did you know, little man? Animals are supposed to be pretty sensitive to feelings, aren’t they? Did you know I was crushing on your overlord?” He laughed a little as Jum-P nuzzled against his finger. “You wanna know something? I think I did know. I think I was just pretending I didn’t cus I never thought I’d feel that way about another guy, y’know? Something like that… it’s scary. You probably don’t get it cus you’re a hamster, but lots of humans can be pretty shitty about that kind of thing…”</p><p>Soda closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Maybe he wasn’t crazy enough to hallucinate a hamster, but he was still pretty crazy for talking to one. Whatever, it felt nice to finally say this stuff out loud, the hamster was more of an excuse than anything anyways, so might as well keep going. He re-opened his eyes and smiled down at Jum-P who was wiggling around in his palm now, apparently taking in the sight of the rocky hill behind him.</p><p>“I think… I think I could handle it though, if it was for Gundham… <em>with</em> Gundham. It still scares me shitless to think about how my dad would react, or even some of our friends… and don’t even get me started on strangers, but…” He thought of Sonia and Hajime, and by extension Nagito. He was pretty sure he could count on all of them to support him and Gundham if they ever got together. “I guess I have a few people in my corner to rely on… and if it meant I got to be with Gundham everyday? I think I could take it.”</p><p>He paused for a moment. He realized he really meant it. Even if his dad never wanted to see him again and he lost some friends, with Hajime and the others behind him, and Gundham at his side, he could still be happy. He could wake up everyday knowing he had made the right choice, as long as it meant he got to hold Gundham’s hand, and see those soft little smiles, and feel those warm forehead kisses…</p><p>Too bad about all that though.</p><p>“You know I really fucked up, little man. Gundham probably told you, right? I was too busy being scared and stupid to realize he feels the same way about me that I feel about him… or, maybe he did. I guess I don’t know exactly how he feels, I just know he likes me- oh, um, <em>liked</em> me… before I fucked everything up…” He thought about wiping away the tears that welled up in his eyes, but he was scared he’d accidently drop Jum-P, and besides, it’s not like the hamster could judge him. “I guess now I’ll never get to know exactly how he felt, huh? Never figure out if he felt the same, but I-” He took a deep breath.</p><p>“I love him.”</p><p>There it was. He felt his face heat up at the words. The words he should have spoken days ago. The words that could have stopped this whole situation from happening. The words he’d probably never actually get to say to Gundham, so he just said them again to his hamster.</p><p>“I love him. And I’m so fucking stupid for not telling him earlier!” Jum-P started squeaking at him, and he imagined it was his way of encouraging him. “I love Gundham! It’s not even hard to say!” He deflated. “So why the fuck didn’t I just say it earlier before I fucked all this up? Now I’ll… I’ll never get to tell him… Now that I know how damn good it feels to say… it’s too late.”</p><p>“Perhaps… it is not.”</p><p>Soda froze and Jum-P hopped out of his hand, running off behind him. Soda turned to see where the hamster was going and watched as he crawled up a tall black boot.</p><p>He couldn’t bring himself to meet Gundham’s eyes.</p><p>“H-how long have you…?”</p><p>“You spoke of animals being sensitive to feelings as I approached…”</p><p>Soda glanced up at Gundham’s face, he was looking away and blushing harder than Soda had ever seen him blush before.</p><p>Soda felt stupid sitting in the sand, so he stood up. When he looked back at Gundham’s face their eyes met. Neither of them said anything, they just stood and stared in silence, neither of them really sure what they should do.</p><p>Soda knew he should say something, knew this was the moment for his big speech where he explained all of his shitty actions and all of his feelings and begged for Gundham’s forgiveness.</p><p>But he couldn’t find the right words, didn’t know what he should say, so he just said what he was feeling instead.</p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>They weren’t the right words. Gundham furrowed his brow a little and Soda could tell he was hurt, could tell he was looking for something to tell him Soda was lying. He didn’t know what to do so he just kept talking.</p><p>“I’m so in love with you it’s stupid, and the only thing stupider is me for not saying it sooner… and I’m sorry I hurt you! I really didn’t mean to! I really didn’t know how you felt!” He was scared to stop talking, scared that the second he did Gundham would leave, and that would be the end of it. “I just thought I was making things up in my head, reading too much into things, and that we had to be doing a f-friends with benefits thing, b-because there was no way-” He was crying again. “No way anyone would-” He couldn’t breathe “-anyone <em>could</em> feel anything like… like this-” he made a vague gesture between them. “-about <em>me</em>.”</p><p>Then there were hands on his face, thumbs wiping his tears and a voice saying things he was sure he must be imagining.</p><p>“You’re wrong, my consort. I do.” Gundham gently tilted his head back so he could look him in the eyes. “I love you.”</p><p>Soda felt like time slowed down as Gundham leaned towards him.</p><p>The kiss was soft, and warm. It only lasted a few seconds, and Soda was still crying, but he wouldn’t change it for the world.</p><p>Gundham was smiling as he pulled back.</p><p>Soda’s mind filled with so many things that he could hardly think, so instead he just wrapped his arms around Gundham’s neck and pulled him back down for another kiss. This one is longer, and messier because they both can’t stop smiling into it, but it still felt perfect.</p><p>Everything else seemed to melt away. Every painful second Soda had spent agonizing over his feelings for Gundham, every thought he had about being inferior, or gross, or worthless because of it, didn’t matter anymore. All that mattered were Gundham’s arms around him, his lips against his, and the fact that he felt the same.</p><p>He loved him. Gundham love <em>him</em>. Even after he had fucked things up so badly.</p><p>He could hardly believe it.</p><p>He smiled even wider into the kiss.</p><p>Their teeth clashed and they both pulled away laughing, and Soda took the opportunity to bury his face into Gundham’s chest. Gundham pressed his nose into Soda’s hair and they both let themselves just enjoy the feeling of holding each other for a moment.</p><p>Gundham moves first, kissing Soda’s forehead before pulling back to look at him. Soda sees Jum-P poke his head out of Gundham’s scarf. He chuckles a little.</p><p>“So why was Jum-P here anyways? Did you send him to find me or something?” He suddenly remembered Gundham running from him earlier. “And if you sent him to find me, then why’d you run from me earlier? You could have just told me if you wanted to talk.” The words felt a little hypocritical coming from him, but he ignored it for a moment.</p><p>Gundham stepped back, grasping his hands as he did, and looked confused.</p><p>“I did not send Jum-P after you, nor do I recall absconding from you. I thought that you had found Jum-P and brought him to this beach to console you, but it would seem I was incorrect.”</p><p>“You thought I ‘found’ Jum-P? Where the hell would I have found him? He’ always with you or in your cabin.” Gundham didn’t think Soda had broken into his cabin to steal his hamster or something weird like that, right?</p><p>Jum-P squeaked at them both from Gundham’s shoulder.</p><p>“Ah, I believe I am beginning to understand the situation. You see, earlier today Jum-P disappeared without my knowledge. Once I noticed his absence, I began to worry. Many of the creatures on this island would be worthy foes for Jum-P in his current form, so I set out to find him. It is likely that during my search is when I appeared to have run from you, as I was entirely focus on finding Jum-P.”</p><p>That more or less made sense. Soda could easily imagine Gundham being so worried about a missing animal that he didn’t notice someone calling out to him. But still-</p><p>“Has he ever run off before? I thought all your Devas were pretty well trained?”</p><p>“He has not. I am not sure what caused him to…” He looked down at the squeaking hamster on his shoulder and began to blush. “Ah.”</p><p>Soda waited, but Gundham didn’t elaborate.</p><p>“Ah? ‘Ah’ what? Why’d he run off?”</p><p>“It would appear he was worried…” Gundham looked back at him and squeezed his hand. “About us.”</p><p>
  <em>Us.</em>
</p><p>Soda liked that. Soda really like that. ‘Us,’ like they were one unit, a set, a couple. They were now, weren’t they?</p><p>The voice in his head told them they would have been a couple ages ago if he hadn’t been so stupid, then Gundham smiled at him and tugged his hand, and the voice was gone.</p><p>He squeezed Gundham’s hand and they walked back to his cabin in comfortable silence.</p><p>–</p><p>As they entered Gundham’s cabin, Gundham released his hand and moved to put Jum-P into his cage. Soda just stood back and watched.</p><p>Gundham was smiling softly at his hamsters, the rest of the Devas coming to greet him as he opened the enclosure’s door. He could hear Gundham talking to them, thanking Jum-P and scolding him in the same sentence, his low voice coming out soft and quiet. He felt himself smiling, felt that warm feeling swell up in his chest and let it grow, felt it spread through his body as he realized he’d never have to push it back or pretend he didn’t feel it again. He slowly walked to where Gundham was standing and placed hand on his shoulder as he leaned in to kiss his cheek, just because he could.</p><p>Gundham closed the door to the Devas’ cage and turned his face to kiss Soda’s lips, before pulling back and looking down at him. They smiled at each other, and Soda could see his own feelings reflected in Gundham’s eyes. He was too happy to wonder how he had never noticed before, he just leaned into it when Gundham bent his head to capture his lips again.</p><p>It was slow, their lips moved against each other’s languidly as they held each other close. Soda sighed as Gundham gently sucked his bottom lip and hummed contentedly as he began to slowly part his lips with his tongue. He brought his arms up around Gundham’s neck, pressing their chests against each other as he let Gundham slowly explore his mouth. The arm at his waist tightened as Gundham raised a hand to cradle the back of his head, and he couldn’t help but let out quiet, soft moan as gently scratched his nails across his scalp.</p><p>Soda couldn’t help but think nothing had ever felt so right before. He felt safe, standing there in Gundham’s arms, and he felt warm and happy and <em>loved</em>. Nothing was scary in that moment; the opinions of his father, of his friends, of the world, they didn’t matter, they couldn’t touch him when he was feeling this good, couldn’t hurt him when Gundham made him feel so secure.</p><p>Gundham parted their lips for a second, the leaned back in for another peck before gently leading Soda to the bed. Gundham sat and Soda stood between his legs, bent down to kiss him again, deep, but still so slow. They were both savoring every moment. Gundham drew him forward, onto the bed, and he sat with his knees on either side of Gundham’s hips, returning his arms to their place around Gundham’s neck, sliding a hand up into his hair this time. Gundham placed his hands on his hips and drew him even closer.</p><p>They both drew a sharp breath as their hips met, before returning their mouths to each other’s. Something had shifted, and the pace of the kiss increased. They began to move their hips together, not quite grinding, just slowly dragging their bodies against each other. Soda felt Gundham growing hard as he did, and moaned at the feeling of their mutual arousal.</p><p>Gundham shifted his hands down to gently grasp at Soda’s ass, not quite squeezing, just flexing his fingers against him. Soda gasped at the feeling, and Gundham took the opportunity to begin kissing down his chin to his neck. Soda was starting to feel hot, and, as if reading his mind, Gundham reached up to unzip his coveralls. Soda withdrew his arms to shrug out of the sleeves, and pull off his tank top, loving the way Gundham’s eyes ran across his chest and stomach before retuning to his face, eyes still so full of love, but beginning to cloud with lust as well.</p><p>He took Gundham’s face in both his hands and tilted his head to kiss him deeply. Gundham pulled his hips down against his own, harder than before, and Soda moaned into the kiss. He slid his hands down to remove Gundham’s scarf and slide off his jacket. Gundham had to remove his hands from Soda’s body to take his jacket off the rest of the way, but he kept moving his hips at the pace Gundham had set, continuing the slow grind as Gundham removed his own shirt as well.</p><p>Before Soda could capture his lips again, Gundham leaned in and closed his mouth around one of his nipples, sucking gently while his hands returned to Soda’s ass. Soda let Gundham take control of the rhythm of their hips again as he brought a hand to his mouth and closed his eyes, arching chest forward against Gundham’s lips and losing himself to the feelings of pleasure and love.</p><p>It felt so different from the other times they had touched each other, so much more intense, so much more satisfying. He felt overwhelmed in the best possible way.</p><p>Gundham shifted, and Soda found himself being laid back onto the bed, Gundham hovering above him. They smiled at each other before their lips met again. It was hungrier this time, they were both breathing harder, sliding their tongues against each other in a way that made Soda blush as he was reminded of the way Gundham’s tongue had felt on his cock. He reached down to cup Gundham’s ass with both his hands and pulled him down till he was lying between his legs, their hips once again flush against each other.</p><p>Gundham began grinding down into him and Soda whined at the friction. The angle was so much better now, and he canted his hips up to meet with Gundham’s, slipping his tongue from his mouth to lick up his neck and bite at one of Gundham’s earlobes. Gundham gasped and Soda gave his ass another squeeze, drawing out a real moan from him with it.</p><p>He slid his hands around to the front of Gundham’s pants, pushing him back just far enough to undo them. He was surprised when Gundham’s dick sprang forward, unencumbered by underwear, but Gundham reached down to palm him through his jumpsuit before he could comment, and the thought slipped his mind. Gundham moved back to pull Soda’s jumpsuit the rest of the way down, but stumbled as his own pants got caught up around his thighs.</p><p>They both laughed, and Soda decided to remove his own clothes while Gundham did the same. Once they were both naked, they stopped, took some time just to appreciate each other’s bodies with their eyes. Gundham broke their trance, leaning forward to grab Soda’s hand and kiss his cheek.</p><p>“My beautiful consort.” Soda blushed and squeezed his hand. Beautiful? He wouldn’t have believed the word from anyone else, but Gundham sounded so genuine, and his voice filled him with confidence.</p><p>“You’re not half bad yourself, my…” Soda paused. “Huh, I guess I don’t have a name for you yet…”</p><p>Gundham smiled and pressed another quick kiss against his lips. He brought a hand back up to Gundham’s ass.</p><p>“It may be quite cliché, but I did enjoy when you called me ‘baby’ before.”</p><p>“What? When did I do that?” Gundham had laid back down between his legs and was kissing down his neck. He was having a hard time thinking straight, but he couldn’t remember ever calling Gundham something like that.</p><p>Gundham chuckled into his neck and reached down to wrap a hand around them both, his own breath catching as Soda moaned.</p><p>“When last we laid together.” He licked up his neck. “I believe it was right after you found your release.” Gundham was pumping their dicks together slowly and smirking up at him teasingly. Had he really said that? He knew he had <em>thought</em> about saying it at one point but-</p><p>“O-oh. I… I guess I didn’t realize I said it out loud?” He laughed nervously, his gut tightening from embarrassment at the memory of how he had finished way before Gundham.</p><p>“Mmm.” Gundham hummed behind his ear. “I thought as much, but I truly did enjoy you using such an affectionate name for me, even if it is a quite common one.”</p><p>Gundham silenced whatever response he might have had with his lips, sliding his tongue back into Soda’s mouth. He felt his embarrassment dissipate as Gundham stroked them faster and his mind clouded with pleasure. He squeezed the hand that was still clasped with his. It felt so good having Gundham so close, no clothes between them, bodies and feeling laid bare as they kissed and touched each other freely, but Soda realized he wanted more.</p><p>He pulled back from the kiss.</p><p>“Gundham?” He had returned to kissing his neck.</p><p>“Mm?” He hummed against his neck and squeezed their cock a little tighter, still pumping.</p><p>“Ah, Gundham! B-Babe-” He blushed, was Gundham really okay with such a basic pet name? “S-stop, babe.”</p><p>Gundham froze and looked up at him with concern.</p><p>“Is something-” He pulled him in for another quick kiss, he couldn’t stand the uncertain look on his face.</p><p>“I’m good, it’s just…” He had to look away. “Well I was thinking… I mean, if you wanna, like, y-y’know…” He couldn’t say it out loud. He remembered how hot it had been when Gundham had asked him to fuck him, but he just couldn’t make himself be so direct.</p><p>Gundham chuckled and leaned in to whisper against is ear.</p><p>“You wish to take me again?” He knew Gundham felt the way his dick twitched in his hand, it was just so hot to hear Gundham say things like that, but-</p><p>“N-no. Well, kind of? I guess… um?” He kept tripping over his words, too embarrassed to tell him what he really wanted. Gundham pulled back, releasing their cocks in favor of placing a reassuring hand on his cheek. He looked into his eyes, raised their clasped hands to his mouth and kissed Soda’s knuckles.</p><p>“What is it you desire, my beloved.” Soda’s chest swelled with emotion at the word, and maybe he started to tear up a bit, but Gundham’s face remained so calm, so open, so loving that he knew he had no reason to be embarrassed.</p><p>“I guess I was just thinking… maybe it’d be nice to, um, switch?” He looked into Gundham’s eyes and waited for a sign that he understood. Gundham smiled.</p><p>“Are you certain? It can be quite… intense if you are not accustomed to that kind of stimulation.”</p><p>“I-I know, I’ve, um, tried it before…” Gundham gave him a questioning look. “J-just a couple days ago, uh, with my fingers?” He couldn’t look at Gundham anymore. “I… thought about you.”</p><p>Gundham seemed pleased by the admission, he unclasped their hands and used both of his own to turn Soda’s face back towards him. When he kissed him again Soda noted the renewed hunger in it.</p><p>When Gundham pulled back he reached for side table where Soda knew the lube and condoms were. He placed a single condom on the table and set the lube on the bed, before tuning back to continue kissing Soda. It was hot and messy, leaving no room for doubt about whether Gundham wanted him or not, and his cock twitched from the thought. He wrapped his arms around Gundham’s neck again, leaving his body exposed for Gundham to do as he wished.</p><p>Gundham slid his hands down, pausing to tease his nipples before sliding down to his hips and around, finally landing on his ass. This time Gundham squeezed, and Soda gasped as he began massaging his cheeks. Gundham lifted Soda’s hips up to meet his and Soda was too distracted by the way their dicks rubbed together to notice Gundham had removed one of his hands from his ass.</p><p>Then he felt Gundham’s slick fingers press against his entrance. He instinctively tensed, anticipating the feeling of those fingers sliding into him, but it didn’t come. Gundham just rubbed slow, gentle circles around his hole, shifting his other hand back to Soda’s dick and pumping it loosely. He began to relax again, enjoying the feeling of Gundham teasing him.</p><p>But he could only take so much.</p><p>Soon he was panting, Gundham pulling back between kisses to admire how desperate he looked, but never moving to give Soda more stimulation.</p><p>“Gundham…” He moaned as Gundham nipped at his bottom lip.</p><p>“Yes, my love?” ‘<em>My love</em>, god.</p><p>“Please… You can, y’know…” He was really going to have to work on his dirty talk, but he was sure Gundham got the picture.</p><p>“I can what?” Gundham was smirking at him. Oh. So he was going to make him say it.</p><p>“Y’know, you can, um, start…” He looked away and took a deep breath. He could do this. “Please just fucking finger me.”</p><p>“Of course, my love.” Soda wasn’t sure if it was the repeated pet name made his heart beat faster, or the finger that slowly slid into his ass.</p><p>“Fuck, Gundham.” He closed his eyes and couldn’t help but buck back against the intrusion. It already felt so much hotter than when he had done it himself, god, he just hoped he could last long enough to get to the real thing.</p><p>“Enjoying yourself, my paramour?” Gundham kissed down his neck, stopping this time when he reached his shoulder to bite down and suck at the abused flesh. Soda just let his moans answer for him as Gundham’s finger lightly grazed his prostate.</p><p>Gundham continued thrusting his finger into him, stroking his dick all the while, and moving to mark up a new spot on Soda’s neck. He moaned louder as he felt Gundham prod his hole with a second finger, preparing to push it in beside the first.</p><p>There was a second of discomfort as it breeched him, but then Gundham was grazing his prostate again and he vision blurred.</p><p>“G-Gundham!” He was getting close, he didn’t want to cum yet. “Slow down! P-please, I can’t, ah-”</p><p>Gundham paused his movements, allowing Soda to catch his breath.</p><p>“I apologize, beloved, I did not anticipate you would be so… receptive to this kind of stimulation.” Gundham was smiling.</p><p>“I t-told you I had tried it before.”</p><p>“You did not tell me you enjoyed it this much.” Gundham squeezed Soda’s rock-hard cock.</p><p>Right, he hadn’t said he enjoyed it, just said he thought of Gundham and assumed the rest was obvious. He needed to stop doing that, he had to start communicating clearly if he wanted this to work. So-</p><p>“I liked it so fucking much, i-it was one of the best orgasms I ever had in my life.” He watched as Gundham’s eye’s widened at the admission and saw the way his cock twitched out of the corner of his eye. Oh. Communication is kinda sexy, got it.</p><p>Gundham claimed his lips again, wasting no time fucking his tongue into his mouth as he began thrusting his fingers into Soda, harder than before.</p><p>Communications is <em>really</em> sexy, then.</p><p>Soda tangled a hand into Gundham’s hair, and when they parted he took the opportunity to bring <em>his </em>mouth to <em>Gundham’s</em> neck to leave some marks of his own. He could feel Gundham spreading his fingers inside him, and he bit down at the strange new feeling. Gundham moaned in a mix of pleasure and pain, and he stopped himself before he could draw blood. He pulled back to assess the damage and realized that he definitely needed to leave as many marks on Gundham as he possibly could. It was just too fucking sexy, seeing the imprint of is own teeth on Gundham’s neck. He leaned in to kiss Gundham’s shoulder, marking his next target.</p><p>As he distracted himself with marking up Gundham’s neck and shoulders, he felt a third finger begin to slowly work its way inside him. He had to stop and just hold Gundham tight to himself. The stretch was more than he had experienced before, and it felt <em>so fucking good.</em> He opened his mouth to let Gundham know, but then he was thrusting against his prostate again and all Soda could do was moan.</p><p>“You’re doing so well my paramour, so well.” Gundham was pressing kisses against his scalp, sounding breathless. Soda hadn’t even been touching his dick, yet Gundham sounded almost as turned on as he was, was he really that into fingering him?</p><p>God that’s hot.</p><p>But he wanted Gundham to start feeling good for real too.</p><p>“B-babe?” It still felt embarrassing to call Gundham that. “I’m.. I’m ready now, so please…”</p><p>Gundham removed his hand from Soda’s cock and pushed him back to look at him. He smiled softly, but there was a teasing glint in his eyes.</p><p>“Please what?” God he was the worst. Soda loved it.</p><p>He wanted to be sexy for Gundham, so he pushed back his embarrassment and locked his gaze with Gundham’s.</p><p>“Please f-fuck me.”</p><p>He barely had time to berate himself for stuttering before Gundham was pushing him back down against the bed and kissing him. He withdrew his fingers from Soda’s ass, and he whimpered, both from the empty feeling and from the knowledge of what was about to happen.</p><p>He heard Gundham feeling around on the bedside table and laughed at the frustrated huff he let out when he had to break to kiss to look at what he was doing. Gundham tried to look annoyed, but ended up smiling back down at him as he opened the condom.</p><p>He watched as Gundham rolled the condom onto himself. God he was so big, would Soda really be able to take him? He felt anxiety build up in his chest.</p><p>What if he couldn’t do it, he was the one who had asked for this, if he backed out, Gundham would be pissed and-</p><p>Soft lips pressed against his and brought him back to the moment. Gundham was stroking his cheek and smiling softly at him.</p><p>“It is alright if you have changed you mind.”</p><p>“Really?” Gundham kissed him again.</p><p>“Of course, my love.” Gundham was still smiling at him. Soda searched his face for signs of disappointment. “We may aid each other in another way if that is your desire.”</p><p>Gundham looked entirely sincere as he waited for Soda’s response. Soda felt embarrassed for doubting him in the first place.</p><p>“What if… what if I change my mind, like, half-way through?”</p><p>“Then we can stop.”</p><p>“You won’t be mad?”</p><p>Gundham scrunched up his face in disgust, before leaning in to kiss Soda gently once more.</p><p>“Of course not. I wish for your pleasure as much as mine, my love. I would never be irate with you for requesting we stop something you are not enjoying.” Gundham stroked his cheek with his thumb and Soda felt himself tearing up. His chest felt like it was going to burst from holding in all his emotions.</p><p>“I love you, Gundham.” He smiled up at him. The words were still new, and part of him still feared rejection.</p><p>“I love you too, my consort.” Gundham pressed a kiss to his knuckles. He felt all of his doubts wash away.</p><p>He could do this, and even if he couldn’t, everything would be okay.</p><p>“Okay, I’m ready. For real this time.”</p><p>Gundham pressed a quick kiss against his lips before pulling away once more to coat his cock with lube. When he was done he slid his hands down Soda’s sides, over his hips, and under his thighs. He lifted them up and spread them. It was embarrassing how turned on the feeling of being so completely exposed made Soda.</p><p>Gundham teased is ass with his finger a little before lining up his cock. He looked back up at Soda, before slowly pushing in.</p><p>Soda let out a shaky breath as the head slid in, Gundham was <em>thick</em>, but the stretch felt good. He moaned as Gundham pushed a little deeper and wondered what he had even been worried about in the first place.</p><p>Gundham took his time, working his cock in slowly and keeping his eyes on Soda’s face, watching for signs of discomfort, but finding only pleasure. Soda was panting by the time he was halfway in, already starting to buck his hips back into him. It made Gundham chuckle and lean forward to kiss him.</p><p>The new angle was even better, and Soda brought his legs up to wrap around Gundham’s waist, trying to pull him in deeper as he moaned into his mouth. Gundham resisted him, refusing to sink in too quickly, but he did speed his shallow thrusts a little, encouraged by his partner’s desperation.</p><p>“Gundham, please! More- ah!” Soda wasn’t sure if the hard thrust had been intentional, or if Gundham had lost his restraint for a moment, but if felt so good Soda couldn’t help but beg for more. Gundham swallowed hard before finally pushing forward and burying himself completely inside of Soda.</p><p>Soda moaned so loud he was sure the whole island could hear him, and Gundham quieted him with his tongue.</p><p>They stayed like that, Gundham fully inside him, holding his hips still with his hands and exploring his mouth with his tongue, for what felt like an eternity. Soda ran his hands up and down Gundham’s back, mapping out the muscles and scratching lightly, making Gundham hum against him. He felt one of Gundham’s hands move from his hip and travel up to find his own, intertwining them and bringing them down to rest next to Soda’s head.</p><p>He didn’t break the kiss as he started thrusting. Slow and shallow, practically just grinding himself against Soda with how little he pulled out between thrusts. Soda squeezed his hand and prayed Gundham wouldn’t try to touch his dick, he was already so close, and he wanted to make this last.</p><p>Gundham kept things slow, though he did increase the force of his thrusts. His mouth strayed, kissing along Soda’s chin, down his neck, up his cheeks to his forehead, but always returned to his mouth before long. He sped his thrusts just a little and Soda knew he wasn’t going to last.</p><p>It was strange, when Soda dreamt of fucking it was always hard and fast, dirty, filled with loud moans and filthy words, yet none of it compared to this. It felt wrong to even call it fucking, the word too obscene to really fit. As Soda felt Gundham’s hand grip tighter around his own and felt his breath ghost over his ear, he thought this must be what people mean when hey call it making love.</p><p>He felt so much pleasure, but there was more to it than that. The safety and vulnerability, the acceptance and the <em>rightness</em> of it all made it so much more. He knew he was crying, could feel him self chanting Gundham’s name and broken strings of ‘I love you’, and all of it just felt so good.</p><p>Gundham shifted his grip on Soda’s hip and the new angle caused him to pull him in closer, wrapping both his arms and his legs as around him as tightly as he could. Gundham was rubbing so perfectly against his prostate, and with just a few more of those slow, powerful thrusts, he was pushed over the edge.</p><p>Soda felt his cum splash against his stomach as Gundham kissed him deeper and slowed his hips. That wasn’t what he wanted. He broke the kiss and begged Gundham to keep going.</p><p>“Please, I-I want it Gundham, so please.” Gundham swallowed, before resuming his thrust and leaning forward to whisper against his ear.</p><p>“I love you, Soda.”</p><p>He felt like he was floating, sated and warm as Gundham thrust into him and whispered his love into his ear. He whispered it back and hey were kissing again, Gundham squeezing his hand as his thrust sped up a final time, before he pushed himself fully inside Soda, moaning against his lips as he came.</p><p>Gundham panted against him and Soda kissed along his chin as he caught his breath. Now that he was coming back down from his high he was starting to feel a bit sore, but he’d wait a moment longer to move, wait till Gundham came down too.</p><p>Once Gundham’s breathing steadied, he turned his head up to kiss Soda as he slowly pulled out. The action drew a tired moan from them both. After disposing of the condom, Gundham laid beside him, and Soda immediately rolled to his side to wrap an arm around him and rest his head on his chest. Gundham wrapped an arm around him in return and gently kissed his forehead.</p><p>Neither of them spoke for a while, both simply enjoying the afterglow. Soda felt sleepy, and wondered if Gundham would be okay with taking a quick nap before dinner.</p><p>Dinner. With their friends.</p><p>They would know. The second they saw them, massy hair and covered in hickeys, they would know.</p><p>Soda’s heart beat faster.</p><p>What would they say? Would they force them out? Would they-</p><p>Gundham began stroking his hair and pressed a sleepy kiss to his forehead.</p><p>“Perhaps we should rest and regain our energy. We may miss the evenings feast, but that may be for the best.”</p><p>It was like Gundham read his mind. He just laughed and buried his face into Gundham’s chest as he felt his anxieties melt away once again.</p><p>He knew there were plenty of things he would have to face moving forward; his friends, his father, himself, and none of it would be easy. But lying there curled against Gundham and on the brink of falling asleep, he knew he could manage, knew he could face his fears.</p><p>“I love you, Gundham.” It was becoming easier and easier to say.</p><p>“And I love you, my consort.”</p><p>He remembered his thoughts from that afternoon, while he had been reflecting on the nature of his relationship with Gundham, and a question bubbled up in his mind. He was embarrassed, but it would be best to just ask, right? He <em>was </em>trying to get better at clear communication after all…</p><p>“Gundham?”</p><p>“Mm?” He sounded so close to sleep, Soda looked up and saw him gazing down at him with barely open eyes and a soft smile. God he loved him.</p><p>“What’s, um…” Maybe it wasn’t the right time. He should probably just let Gundham sleep.</p><p>“What is it, my beloved?” Gundham looked slightly more awake, a touch of concern on his face. Better just ask then, so Gundham could stop worrying.</p><p>“Well, it’s just… What’s a consort?”</p><p>Gundham’s eyes opened wide as he stared at him. Soda panicked for a moment as Gundham raised a hand to his face to cover his mouth. But then he realized he was laughing.</p><p>“W-what?” Gundham was still covering his mouth, but the sounds of laughter were no longer contained. Gundham gave up and kissed Soda’s forehead, laughing openly as he did. Soda tried to put but Gundham’s good mood was contagious and he laughed a little too. “C’mon, just tell me. What’s so funny?”</p><p>“It’s nothing, my love, it’s just…” Gundham bent down to kiss him properly on the lips. “This explains quite a lot.” He chuckled to himself again.</p><p>Soda was a bit embarrassed, he couldn’t shake the feeling that Gundham was making fun of him for something.</p><p>But mostly, he was just happy.</p><p>Happy to be able to laugh with Gundham, as they laid naked in bed.</p><p>Happy to hold him and be held without having to hide how good it made him feel.</p><p>Happy to know he could look forward to many more easy, joy filled moments like this one.</p><p> </p><p>Happy to finally be with the man he loved.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Fellas, it's gay.</p><p> </p><p>Holy shit, it's over. I've been working on this chapter for... almost 2 weeks? I rewrote almost every scene in it multiple times, but I think I can be happy with the final product, even if it's not perfect.</p><p>Honestly I'm just proud of myself for finishing this. I've never managed to finish such a big project before, and I want to thank everyone who left comments along the way, it really helped keep me motivated. Y'all are the best.</p><p>I think I'm going to take a bit of a break from writing any long fics for a while, it really did cut into my study time a bit haha. I'll definitely keep writing though! Just expect a lot of one-shots and <a href="https://idnek83.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a> ramblings haha.</p><p>Speaking of, their will probably be an epilogue for Aid at some point. I'm not sure yet what format I want it to take, but I'm leaning towards a series of short drabbles that explore how Soda and Gundham's relationship evolves after the school trip is over. I already have a few plot points I know I want to cover, but feel free to let me know if theirs anything you guys would like to see, and I'll see if I can work it in.</p><p>Not gonna lie, I think I'm gonna cry when I hit the post button...<br/>It's been a wild ride, thanks for sticking it out with me.</p>
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